What Is Coaching? [The Skinny and The Blunt Truth]
"What is Coaching?" I whispered to the rep from Southwestern Christian University when I was considering getting my Master's there.* I was a little embarrassed that I didn't really know.
How about you? Coaching is a buzzword and has been steadily gaining popularity since I first asked that question over 15 years ago.
Webster's primary definition for coaching is the noun version - like Cinderella's coach, or a stagecoach from the Wild West. In that case, coaching is a means to get from one place to another - like our modern-day Uber or Lyft. The second definition Webster gives is "a tutor" or "one who instructs or trains".
Here's the blunt truth. No one owns the word "coach," and it is used differently by different people. The first thing that probably comes to most people's minds is some sort of sports coach, or maybe a skills coach that trains you in a specialty area. Some nutrition and fitness coaches would fall into this definition as well. These type of coaches have their own pa...
Meet Sarah: Her Story from Coach training to Coach Trainer!
Sarah has been a part of Bridges Coaching from near the beginning. Like many, when she first looked into coaching, she thought she could help people by sharing what she was seeing. She had grown up in the faith and had considerable training, she wanted to care for others and help them grow in their faith.
Here's a bit of her story:
What motivated you to take coach training?
I took coach training because I wanted to help people. I had my ideas of what helping looked like, but those ideas got radically changed during that initial course. Turns out there is a far more effective, efficient, transformative way to help people!
What are a couple of things you learned that you didn’t know about coaching before your training?
The power of truly listening and the power of curiosity. For my entire life, I had underestimated how just those two things can create a space where problems get solved and creativity happens.
What did you love most about coach training?
Coach training didn't j...
What Do Passivity, Fear, and Indecision Have In Common?
Most of us understand that to move forward, we have to ... well, move forward. We have to take steps in order to achieve movement on whatever path is before us.
What is harder to come to terms with are the ingrained beliefs (poisons)that can hold us back from said movement. Let's explore these thoughts together. See if you can identify which, if any, of the following thoughts you have had personal experience with.
- If God wanted it to happen, He would ______________. Maybe it is a vocational shift of some sort, and you are waiting for it to come to you. Maybe it's about a relationship you would like to see go deeper, but you are holding back till the other person makes a move. You get the picture. You want God to make something happen. (Of course, there are cases when one is called on to be patient, but let's make sure it is God doing the prompting and not simply a lack of initiative on our part.)
- Antidote: Look at the desire in your heart and ask God for grace to take the ini ...
Where Is He When You Need Him?! [Always Circle-Pt2]
If we are honest, we have all asked that question in some form or another at some time in our lives. Probably multiple times. The Psalms carry this type of question on repeat.
I clearly remember reading "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby and questioning this statement. "If there is a problem in your relationship with God, the problem is always with you and never with God." It seems clear to me now, but I was pretty angry when I first read it. I was trying to do the right thing so hard and yet feeling so distant.
Thoughts like these went through my mind. [Spoiler alert: These are very ugly, raw thoughts.]
- If He is really there for me/us, then why did "that" happen? (early death of friend or family member, mischaracterization, traffic accidents, abuse, poverty... the list could go on.)
- It doesn't feel like He is guiding my path when I am so confused about my next steps. (Or when I made a choice I thought was right, and things didn't work out.)
- I don't understand why provision ...
3 Kinds Of "Stuff" We All Face in Life
At Bridges Coaching, we use the Always Circle as a visual aid for a coaching journey. Good coaching involves three "always" things. Today, we are discussing the first one.
There's always going to be stuff.
And I think I have identified 3 kinds of stuff. Let's take a look.
1) External Stuff
The first kind of stuff is external. It comes from the outside. It is something that happens to us, Things like sickness, accidents, termination, misunderstandings, financial situations... basically any circumstances that come our way.
Dealing with the stuff of life can be difficult. Especially if there is more than one external source that we are facing at the same time. (There is often more than one for most people.)
External stuff is hard. It is not our choice. It is often a surprise. It can be chronic - lasting for lengths of time, or short-lived, but it certainly affects our well-being.
Good coaching helps us name what we are dealing with and focus on our stuff.
What are some things...
4 Ways Weeds Sneak In And Steal Growth
Jesus talked a fair amount about weeds. There are other biblical references as well.
It starts early, in fact. Genesis 3:18 introduces weeds as a consequence of sin, saying, "the ground will produce thorns and weeds..."
In the parable of the soils in Matthew 13, Jesus talks about how weeds are like worries and temptations. They distract us from the primary objective. Later in that same chapter is another story about weeds. This one is interesting in that Jesus says to go ahead and let the weeds grow alongside the wheat, only this time He is referring to weeds as people who don't follow Him. (The writer of Hebrews also refers to these people as weeds.)
Weeds are sneaky. Here are 4 ways they sneak in and steal growth.
1) They start small and can grow to overshadow the valuable plants they are near. They steal the needed connection to the sun.
2) They use resources the plant needs. The nutrients and moisture in the soil are diverted from the plant and spent on the weeds.
3) They ...
3 Ways Ideas Are Like Seeds
Ideas are interesting. Some people have loads of them, and others may feel bad that they don't have more. Whichever category you fit in, ideas are like seeds. Here are 3 reasons why.
1) Ideas hold within them the DNA of something bigger. Just like you can't have a plant without a seed, you can't have a next without an idea.
A next chapter, a next plan, a next vacation, a next project, a next relationship, a next job... and the list could, of course, go on and on.
2) Ideas need to be chosen. Seeds can sit dormant for years. My grandfather had many packets of seeds in his garage ready for his garden, but only the ones chosen to be planted got the opportunity.
3) Ideas need to be tended to thrive. Seeds don't grow until they are planted and cared for. Seeds need soil, moisture, and sunlight. Ideas need a place to grow (soil), continued investment and care (moisture), and the right conditions (sunlight). (Seeds also grow best without weeds, but that's a blog for another day...)
There...
Do You Have A Chapter To Reframe?
During a Sabbatical some years ago, my husband Eric focused on processing different chapters in his life. He would journal about a certain season and what was going on circumstantially. Then, he would ponder his decisions and how he walked through them, paying special attention to what God was teaching him through what happened.
He saw a pattern.
Looking back, he could see God at work more clearly than when he was in the middle of whatever was happening.
What he was doing was so valuable! He thought he was doing it just for himself, or to pass the journaling on to our grandchildren, but I wondered if more people could get something out of it. So, we decided to publish it. He added pondering questions to the end of each chapter, and just last week, someone walked up to me in church and said, "I feel like I know you - I've been reading Eric's book and walking through your story."
What about you? Is there a chapter in your personal history where you could see more clearly now what ...
Which Her Do You See? (Relational perspectives that aren't really helpful.)
Ever heard of the word "infantizing"? If you haven't heard it, I can almost guarantee you have experienced it. It means treating someone like a baby or younger than they actually are.
It happens all the time, and especially in relationships that began with a caregiving aspect where one person is older, more experienced, or educated. Here are some examples.
- Parents have a difficult time allowing their adult children to make adult choices. It can vary anywhere from "Don't you want to wear a coat?" to "Are you sure you want to take out a loan to start that business?" Well-meaning questions that have a sense of "I-know-better" in them.
- Leaders who were there when someone first came to faith. In this relationship, it is more difficult to know when a person is no longer a "baby". These interactions sound like, "Wanna know what I would do if I were you?", or maybe they are not even questions at all - they are tells. "You can't be angry like that anymore," or "You need to forgive."
- Older ...
3 Ways To Help Them Write Their Chapter
We are all writing our own stories. Each time we make a decision or avoid one, we are writing a new paragraph or starting a new chapter.
Whether we like it or not. Each day adds to the story. Some parts are comfortably predictable. One of my favorite parts is the end of the day when I sit in our loveseat and press the recline button, and the footrest comes out. There's a sense of rest that brings a satisfying "Ahhhh."
Some chapters are long-awaited, where we've saved up and planned for them - like a baby, a vacation, or even retirement. Other chapters come as a shock - like a sudden career shift, a loss, or an accident. Some are a good surprise - like a new relationship, a windfall or gift of some sort, or a hoped resolution coming to pass.
All chapters have choices.
Every story has a crisis. (Do you remember learning that in grade school?) Some crises come to us, and others are chosen, but every story has something that is happening in it. Every chapter is a small part of a bigg...