An Aha Moment About Being "Right"
Have you ever been "right" about something?
Maybe you clearly saw what someone should do in a certain situation or relationship, or maybe you saw something that needed to be seen in an organization. Maybe you noted someone was not living out their faith according to the Bible, or maybe you saw a priority that was being neglected in someone's personal life or family interactions.
Turns out I think we think we are right a LOT. And sometimes we are right, but how we decide what to do with that knowledge is very important.
There are different kinds of "right". One is when something is morally right or wrong or when there is an organizational protocol that is less than what it could be. In these situations, there is either a Biblical mandate being neglected, a lack of educational awareness, or an organizational blind spot. There is a "right" that can be verbalized.
Another kind of "right" is more subtle. It has to do more with the how than the what of a situation. We...
Is Coaching What You Think It Is? 4 characteristics of Good Coaching
We've been on a journey delving into the many types of valuable questions to ask each enneagram type. (You can check out our Bridges blog archive for coaching questions for any type.) Good coaching is not simply about choosing the right question there's so much more.
1) Coaching is about the journey represented in the Always Circle*
- There's always going to be stuff.
- God always offers a plan.
- We always make choices.
If we want to be active believers, we need to be growing followers of Jesus. This means there will always be a next step in our journey.
Good Coaching helps us see the next steps.
2) Coaching is NOT about telling people what to do. Life Coaching can have many meanings depending on who you talk to. Bridges Coaching adheres to the definition of coaching set by the International Coaching Federation and Christian Coaches Network International. This type of coaching is built on the pillars of Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions.
A...
10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 8's
Can't you see how important this is?
According to the Enneagram Institute, Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.
We have named personality type Eight The Challenger because, of all the types, Eights enjoy taking on challenges themselves as well as giving others opportunities that challenge them to exceed themselves in some way. Eights are charismatic and have the physical and psychological capacities to persuade others to follow them into all kinds of endeavors—from starting a company, to rebuilding a city,...
10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 7's
Why so serious?
According to the Enneagram Institute, Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
We have named this personality type The Enthusiast because Sevens are enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure, like “kids in a candy store” who look at the world in wide-eyed, rapt anticipation of all the good things they are about to experience. They are bold and vivacious, pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful...
10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 6's
Wait a minute - did we think this through?
According to the Enneagram Institute, The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent “troubleshooters,” they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant, and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others.
We have named personality type Six The Loyalist because, of all the personality types, Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all...
Honest Ownership May The Most Important, and Most Neglected, Step
So, you've named your thing. You have decided on a goal, or named an obstacle you want to remove. Congrats!
The good news is that you can't move toward something till you name it, so good on ya! Yay!
But wait, there's more. Let me explain.
I can't tell you how often I have identified (named) a goal or an obstacle and felt strongly about it, only to see it fall by the wayside without a healthy assessment and then a plan for forward movement.
Here are a few examples from my life or others:
- That's it, no more sugar for me until I lose X pounds. What's wrong with me that I can't control myself?
- I see now that I keep thinking I am not enough, this pattern of thinking has cost me too much sideways energy. I can't keep facing life through this lens.
- Okay, I know God wants me to make that move! (or do that project, or start or finish that thing) This is going to be great!
- Here's the thing, this angst won't change until I talk to that person. I just need to do it.
...
Why "Naming" Is SO Valuable
Ever have a certain feeling that just isn't right, but you can't put your finger on it?
Or in another arena, you just can't decide which option to choose?
That vague grey cloud can be confusing at best but also can be debilitating if it keeps you stuck waiting for resolution somehow.
Let's explore a little more. Sometimes I have a feeling of discord in my soul. I'm not sure if it is something I did or didn't do right, or something someone said or did to me. I just know there is a disturbance and something just isn't right. Maybe I am just overtired, or angsty about something, and all I know for sure is that something is "off".
Or maybe I am thinking about the future and there are so many options I feel paralyzed so I just don't think about it. Then, one day, it is months or even years later and I realize I put that area of my life on a shelf somewhere and decided by default not to pursue "it".
The "it" could be so many different things: a house project, vacation plans, an...
6 Reasons NOT To Consider Coach Training
Humor me for this blog? [Warning: it's tongue-in-cheek.]
Here are 6 reasons you should NOT learn more about the coaching paradigm.
1) You are helping people move forward on their own already. When they come to you, you always know what they should do and you just tell them. (If only they would listen.)
2) You have plenty of time to listen to people's stuff. In fact, you enjoy hearing the same things from people over and over.
3) You love being the "go-to" person. When people need you to make plans for how they should move forward it makes you feel great! Plus, you probably know better than them what they should do with their lives anyway right?
4) You are more educated than they are. It goes without saying that whoever has the most education knows best what should happen next.
5) You are more experienced. They can learn from their own mistakes, or you can tell them how things went for you.
6) You feel responsible for their well-being. You want to make things better for the...
It's Not Just About Action Steps (but coaching helps with those too)
Good Coaching is about much more than simply achieving SMART goals by making successful Action Steps. It's about transformation.
In this final blog trending with StoryBrand, let's dig into the concept of taking someone from their natural self to their supernatural self. Donald Miller uses the word "transformation". For us that could mean taking someone from feeling stuck to forward movement, or from being lost to having focus.
Helping people to recognize the mindsets that have held them back can change everything! (Watch for an upcoming series on coaching each enneagram number!)
If we can "see" what has been holding us back we can begin to remove that mental obstacle and move forward. And likely, whatever has been holding us back has affected more than just the one area of our lives. Freedom affects every area of our life.
Let me give a personal, and kind of vulnerable, example.
Each of us has an internal DNA just like we have an external one. Our external DNA...
What's The Problem?
Step 2 in the StoryBrand framework is "who has a problem".
Last time we talked about who the character is, the person being coached, and this time we are delving into the focus - what is the problem?
Having a focus is a valuable way a coaching conversation differs from other types of conversations. Normally, when talking with a friend we wander all over the place. It's kind of like a Sunday drive, the point is not to get somewhere, it is simply to spend time with each other. Nothing wrong with a Sunday drive, unless you ARE trying to get somewhere.
Choosing a focus is foundational for any good coaching conversation. We are not going to talk about all kinds of goals we are going to clarify a specific goal early on in the conversation and then make sure we are focusing on what the person being coached wants and needs.
The conversation is kind of like an Uber driver and the person being coached is the one who decides where the conversation is supposed to go.
Coach...