What Is Coaching? [The Skinny and The Blunt Truth]
"What is Coaching?" I whispered to the rep from Southwestern Christian University when I was considering getting my Master's there.* I was a little embarrassed that I didn't really know.
How about you? Coaching is a buzzword and has been steadily gaining popularity since I first asked that question over 15 years ago.
Webster's primary definition for coaching is the noun version - like Cinderella's coach, or a stagecoach from the Wild West. In that case, coaching is a means to get from one place to another - like our modern-day Uber or Lyft. The second definition Webster gives is "a tutor" or "one who instructs or trains".
Here's the blunt truth. No one owns the word "coach," and it is used differently by different people. The first thing that probably comes to most people's minds is some sort of sports coach, or maybe a skills coach that trains you in a specialty area. Some nutrition and fitness coaches would fall into this definition as well. These type of coaches have their own pa...
What Do Passivity, Fear, and Indecision Have In Common?
Most of us understand that to move forward, we have to ... well, move forward. We have to take steps in order to achieve movement on whatever path is before us.
What is harder to come to terms with are the ingrained beliefs (poisons)that can hold us back from said movement. Let's explore these thoughts together. See if you can identify which, if any, of the following thoughts you have had personal experience with.
- If God wanted it to happen, He would ______________. Maybe it is a vocational shift of some sort, and you are waiting for it to come to you. Maybe it's about a relationship you would like to see go deeper, but you are holding back till the other person makes a move. You get the picture. You want God to make something happen. (Of course, there are cases when one is called on to be patient, but let's make sure it is God doing the prompting and not simply a lack of initiative on our part.)
- Antidote: Look at the desire in your heart and ask God for grace to take the ini ...
3 Kinds Of "Stuff" We All Face in Life
At Bridges Coaching, we use the Always Circle as a visual aid for a coaching journey. Good coaching involves three "always" things. Today, we are discussing the first one.
There's always going to be stuff.
And I think I have identified 3 kinds of stuff. Let's take a look.
1) External Stuff
The first kind of stuff is external. It comes from the outside. It is something that happens to us, Things like sickness, accidents, termination, misunderstandings, financial situations... basically any circumstances that come our way.
Dealing with the stuff of life can be difficult. Especially if there is more than one external source that we are facing at the same time. (There is often more than one for most people.)
External stuff is hard. It is not our choice. It is often a surprise. It can be chronic - lasting for lengths of time, or short-lived, but it certainly affects our well-being.
Good coaching helps us name what we are dealing with and focus on our stuff.
What are some things...
For Leaders* Only (*every believer is a leader)
That's right - every believer is a leader whether they realize it or not, whether they like it or not, people are looking to us to "show them the way".
Some of us may be in clear definable professional leadership positions, others are relational leaders - like parents, aunts or uncles, and grandparents, some of us are small group leaders, neighbors or co-workers. All of us who profess to be Jesus-followers are being observed by those around us.
There are two kinds of onlookers:
1) Pre-believers - they are people who do not yet follow Jesus. Hopefully, they expect us to be different, but likely in odd ways. Oftentimes pre-believers think that real Christians never have problems, should always be happy and at peace, and get along with everyone. (Even new believers sometimes think that should be the norm for their new life.)
Other times pre-believers think that Christians think they are holier than others and all they do is judge those who are not as "good" as they are.
Both of the...
2 Options Rather Than Coaching
Coaching is actually an alternative word for discipleship. The foundations of coaching call for the person being coached to wisely choose a focus and then make quality action steps to move toward that end. Sounds like using our God-given free will wisely right?
There are two other options for interacting with people.
- We can tell them what to do.
Here are a few things about “telling”. There IS a place for it! When someone is young they need to be told things. You don’t work with a child discussing the values of whether they should make a goal about crossing the road safely - you just tell them, “You have to look both ways before you cross a street.”
When a believer is young, they need to be told/taught things. They need to learn about what it means to walk out your faith, the importance of having a quiet time, how to live in a God-honoring way.
But as they grow, they will come to decisions they NEED to make on their own. If we tell them what to do we are kind of stepping in bet...
We ALL Do It! (But take heart...we can help with that!)
You know what I mean right?
We all "set" goals for the new year, or at the very least consider some things we would like to upgrade. Maybe yours are about physical things like working out or eating differently, or perhaps they are more ethereal things like reading more or journaling, or finally, maybe they are relational like calling family more or having people over for dinner.
Whatever you have been thinking of adding or deleting from your life change rarely happens without serious planning!
Intentionality is what Bridges Coaching is all about. It's even in our name - we help build Bridges to what could be - together! What could be in your life? What's the obstacle you need to build a bridge over?
If you need help choosing a worthy personal goal - we can help with that!
If you need assistance turning that goal into bite-sized actual steps - we can help with that!
If you need help maintaining your progress - we can help with that!
OR MAYBE YOU WANT TO HELP OTHERS - we can hel...
Why Take Coach Training? (Isn't it just for professionals?)
It's a good question. By definition "Coach" training should be for coaches only - right?
Let's start there. What is a coach? The concept connects with moving from here to there - like the Old West stagecoach or Cinderella's coach. For our purposes, we use the word coach to mean helping a person get from where they are to the destination(goal) they choose.
When you think about coaching that way - Coach Training is really for anyone who wants to be conversationally helpful when talking to anyone else.
- Parents talking to children or adult children.
- Pastors discipline parishioners.
- Employers interacting with employees.
- Adult children dealing with aging or elderly parents.
- Small Group Leaders with their groups.
- Siblings. Friends. Family.
Really, any conversation can level up to being impactful with the conversational tools offered in coach training.
The two primary building blocks in any good Coach Training are Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions (or lately we...
The Great Commission IS Coaching?!
Matthew 28:19 is commonly referred to as the Great Commission. You know the verse,
"Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit."
So - what's that got to do with Coaching?
Other versions of that verse say, "Go and make followers of all the people..."
What Disciples and Followers have in common is that they are not stagnant. Followers by definition take steps and the word disciple shares the same root as the word discipline.
Discipleship = forward movement. Being a disciple is not a one-time decision, it's a series of yes's as we connect with God and His pathway for our lives.
It's not easy though. Being a disciple, or follower, means being intentional about discerning and then moving toward whatever God has for us personally. It's hard sometimes.
While forgiveness and salvation are free to us, whatever God wants for our lives moving forward will likely involve a cost. We may need to forg
...An Aha Moment About Being "Right"
Have you ever been "right" about something?
Maybe you clearly saw what someone should do in a certain situation or relationship, or maybe you saw something that needed to be seen in an organization. Maybe you noted someone was not living out their faith according to the Bible, or maybe you saw a priority that was being neglected in someone's personal life or family interactions.
Turns out I think we think we are right a LOT. And sometimes we are right, but how we decide what to do with that knowledge is very important.
There are different kinds of "right". One is when something is morally right or wrong or when there is an organizational protocol that is less than what it could be. In these situations, there is either a Biblical mandate being neglected, a lack of educational awareness, or an organizational blind spot. There is a "right" that can be verbalized.
Another kind of "right" is more subtle. It has to do more with the how than the what of a situation. We miss this one wa...
Is Coaching What You Think It Is? 4 characteristics of Good Coaching
We've been on a journey delving into the many types of valuable questions to ask each enneagram type. (You can check out our Bridges blog archive for coaching questions for any type.) Good coaching is not simply about choosing the right question there's so much more.
1) Coaching is about the journey represented in the Always Circle*
- There's always going to be stuff.
- God always offers a plan.
- We always make choices.
If we want to be active believers, we need to be growing followers of Jesus. This means there will always be a next step in our journey.
Good Coaching helps us see the next steps.
2) Coaching is NOT about telling people what to do. Life Coaching can have many meanings depending on who you talk to. Bridges Coaching adheres to the definition of coaching set by the International Coaching Federation and Christian Coaches Network International. This type of coaching is built on the pillars of Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions.
A Good Coach is a thinking...