We don’t mean to, but it happens...
We set out to help people, but sometimes we end up not being effective at best, and possibly even hurting at worst.
Here are 3 mistakes well-meaning leaders make:
In the long run, this approach can backfire one of two ways. One, if we are right, we have taught people they need to come to us in order to move forward. This puts a cap on our leadership potential to however many people we can meet within a day or week. Two, if we are wrong, it’s even worse. They can become bitter toward us or even toward God.
What if instead of telling people what to do we taught them how to discern for themselves?
Have you ever seen a person’s name pop up on your phone and had a little groan pop up in your heart? Be honest. Sometimes, we have the same conversations over and over with people who are stuck in some sort of way.
What if you were able to direct...
You already know what the Instawall is! You’ve likely been on one side or the other multiple times, but now you have a word for it.
It happens when someone says something that builds an instant wall between two people where no matter what was said it cannot be considered a valid choice. A line of respect has been breached and the listener feels small, invalidated or infantized.
Most often the Instawall happens after openers like these:
“You know what I would do if I were you….”
“Okay, so here’s what you need to do…”
“Did you want to (insert what the speakers want them to do) ….?” (this is the soft sell version)
“Listen to me now! …”
Each of these lines assumes the speaker knows best what should happen next for another person.
The kicker is that the speaker may be right! But if the statement is made in a way that makes the other person feel like they are being bossed, or belittled or just flat...
Leadership can be tough on a person. It’s hard to help your people along when they won’t listen, so here’s some tips to help. (And just in case you aren’t catching the sarcasm this is all tongue in cheek.)
Whether you are a pastor or parent, teacher, mentor or friend please keep in mind that you are adept in Bible reading and have had more experience praying. You’ve been a believer longer than the people you want to help, so it would be better if you just heard from God FOR them. Tell them what you think God is saying and then they will be less likely to mess up. And they will continue coming to you and you can tell them what you think God is saying.
This will save them the time and bother of learning to hear from God for themselves. Plus it keeps your finger on the pulse of where things are going so you can direct things the way you see fit.
You are the leader so lead. You decide what...
Get tips from Cindy a few times a month, and learn about new opportunities grow in your coaching skills!