"Coaching for Dummies" with 3 Simple Questions
I have no idea if this book is any good, maybe you should give it a try, or we can cut to the chase and you can work with some version of these three simple questions.
- What are you hoping will happen?
- What are your options?
- What will you do?
We all do it.
We have a compulsion to be "tellers". Our hearts are probably right. We want to help people toward solutions. We want to save them the pain we had to walk through when we dealt with their "thing". We want to expedite the process.
But it's not the Jesus way.
Jesus asked us to make disciples, not dependents. That's really the heart of coaching. When we ask questions instead of teaching or telling we empower people to learn to discern God's voice in their own lives.
Here's how that works.
Recently I was talking with a co-worker who needed some advice. She was dealing with a tricky situation she needed to confront.
- I could have told her my stories of how I confronted situations like that in the past.
- I could have given ...
And just like that, I have ASD...
I first heard of ASD when I was working at a children's home. I was watching a soccer game and trying to get the attention of one of my own daughters. I kept calling out to her. She was playing too close to the road for my comfort.
"What is wrong with her?", said a young boy placed in our care who had likely heard that phrase too many times.
Without thinking I told him my daughter had Audio Selective Disorder.
"What's that?", said Tommy. I told him, "She can only hear me when she wants to."
He thought for a minute and said, "Oh, I think I have the same thing."
It hit me recently that many believers, myself included, have ASD sometimes. We can only hear when we want to. For me personally, I struggle with hearing God in the small things. I ask for direction on big things but can miss out when He is calling to me in my everyday life.
Maybe He is warning me not to "play too close to the street" when He sees me complaining about my circumstances, or judging someone else's viewpoin...
? Discipleship, Leadership Development, Coaching and Spiritual Formation ?
How should we grow? How will we know?
This is a time of redefining norms for our world and for the church.
As we move through this season - people are coming back to church in person, or not. People are getting back to relationships they once invested in, or not. People are sticking with new habits they formed, or not. People are pursuing plans they once had, or not.
There's a lot to navigate.
For me personally, I would love it if God just gave us a step-by-step plan that we could follow, and then we would KNOW we were doing "it" right!
I would love that full confidence and embrace the challenge to do all the things.
Turns out that is not how He designed our faith walk to be.
Well, not exactly.
The truth is He does have a step-by-step plan for us, but it is an individual path. You probably know the verse as well as I do, but Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path."
I wish He would just give us a list and we could check stuff off item...
The ONE Question Crux of Coaching!
Ever wish you had the golden question?
The single bullet question to clarify everything?
Well, today is your lucky day!
This question is too easy, but the hardest question you'll ever answer, and one you will be asking and answering the rest of your life.
True coaching, for yourself or others, is based on this one single probe!
Ready?
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 spells it out for us!
"So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ."
Did you see it?
WHAT IS YOUR FAITH PROMPTING YOU TO DO?!
This passage is so beautiful and SO CHALLENGING!
Let's break it down a bit. There are two kinds of prompts.
1) General prompts - these are for all believers the...
But Really ~ What's Holding You Back? (2 ways to use this empowering question)
When thinking about a decision it can be helpful to weigh the pros and cons. Personally, I like to write them out and then take them to an "altar" in prayer and talk to God.
I say something like, "Here we go God, this is what I can see, but you know it all. Help me choose wisely and guide me with Your Spirit!"
Sometimes, I think He gives me the choice myself and encourages me to just decide, and sometimes I feel a certain sense of what I should do. Occasionally, He drops something in my mind or heart that is new information that helps guide me toward the wise choice.
Then, I ask myself this question: What's holding you back?
If the honest answer is fear of any kind: fear of the unknown, fear of how I will perform, or fear of first (I've never done anything like this before), then I calm my soul and ask God for the courage to say "yes".
I can not let fear guide my life choices.
As promised, there are two ways you can use this empowering question.
1) You can use this question wh...
Can You Honestly Say "I love you and I like you"?
[Guest blog - April Lonneville]
It was the beginning of July 2018. Jon and I were headed out of the state to officiate a friend’s wedding.
We took the rare opportunity to get away together for a few days and headed to the Adirondack Mountains to connect. A few days earlier, we had taken an assessment a friend was talking to me about. (At that time, we had never heard of the enneagram test.)
As we drove through the quiet mountains, listening to the descriptions of our results, I could feel a door creaking open that made me nervous.
It was a door I knew needed to open for me personally, and for our marriage… but, on the other side of that door was vulnerability. Exposure. Intimacy.
Sometimes that can be scary.
Usually, it’s scary enough that many of us just don’t go there.
As the layers peeled back, we both felt seen and heard in a new way. We became more accepting and understanding of each other as we discovered things we’ve tried ...
April's Quest! What's Your Next?
As I sat down to write this blog many times, I ended up getting interrupted by one of my 4 girls, my phone reminding me of the demands of life… or the laundry buzzer cutting through any ounce of concentration.
Here I am though at 12:08 am determined to blog away. It’s finally quiet and time to introduce myself.
I could tell you about my really awesome husband, our girls that keep life exciting, the different jobs I work from home or the other important things (well, I sure think they are important) that I do.
But, really, if there is one thing I want people to hear about, it’s how God poured His love into my heart at a young age, won my affection for life and silenced all wondering in my seeking teenage girl’s heart. He laid a solid foundation of acceptance that has stood strong through many storms.
Because I have experienced such security, I can’t help but want to see others enjoy that freedom as well. What a privilege it is to be loved so perfectly and be able to love.
I ha...
What If The "Greater Things" Are Not What We Thought They Were?
"I tell you the truth, whoever believes in me will do the same things that I do. Those who believe will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
I always assumed that the "greater things" in this verse were physical miracles, and maybe they are, but what if....
What if the transformation of hearts and minds is the bigger, better, goal Jesus was talking about?
Is this why He was always telling people not to talk about the miracles they had experienced? Perhaps He valued the kingdom principles he was revealing to the world even more than the physical relief.
Really isn't that the longer play?
All of the people Jesus healed on earth are now gone, but the lives transformed live on forever!
In Matthew 7:22-23, Jesus says, "On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break Go...
Saboteurs Whisper To Us All... Can you identify their voices?
Saboteurs whisper to us all, they sound like friends, they seem wise, but they infiltrate our minds like a poison that tastes sweet.
Discipleship saboteurs say things like,
- if you don't tell them what to do, they will mess things up, it's just the responsible thing to do
- it will take too long for them to move forward with coaching, they would be better off if you just tell them what to do
- it's wrong for you to withhold your story if you went through whatever they are going through, they should learn from your mistakes and do it just like you
The best poison is only a small percent deadly, but if you take it in you will eventually die...
Using coaching as the Biblical way of discipleship helps people build their own relationship with God.
Coaching builds disciples not dependents.
Coach training can teach you how!
Saboteurs whisper their hopelessness on the other side of coaching as well. Coaches have helped me discern many of the following as limiting beliefs that needed t...
Did You Make Sarah's Mistake? (The Truth About Coaching!)
“Coaching?! I bet I’d be great at coaching! I love when people come to me for the answers to figure out their life. Because, to be honest, most people’s lives are messed up and I usually know what they should do...”
I look back and laugh now, but I’m pretty sure that was basically my thought when I first heard about coaching. People who are bad at managing their life hire someone to manage it for them, right??
Boy, did I have some perspectives shift over the next few years!
Let me tell you a little of my coaching journey:
I took my first coaching course, Coaching Culture, because of a desire to help other people. But I needed help first.
- I needed to learn to let go - to trust that God is speaking to everyone and that they can hear Him for themselves.
- I had to release my “need to be needed” and recognize that the best coaching empowers and gives support for growth.
- I needed to learn how to listen, how to REALLY listen, with curiosity, insight, and trust, not just analyzing to ...