Coaching a 2 Year Old? And Adult Relationships and Restorative Justice
My young grandson Booker is exceptionally verbal. Recently I overheard him trying to reason with his dad saying, "But it IS appropriate."
His parents are doing more than teaching him to talk, they are teaching him to think for himself. Okay, truth be told he was about a week from being 3 when this all happened, but still - a two-year saying "appropriate" and knowing what it means is pretty entertaining.
But there's more - I have to share this funny, and insightful, story.
On our last visit, Booker was being a kid and in some sort of mood. His parents gave him some time to cool off and then his dad asked him, "Okay so what happened?" and he said in a sheepish voice, "I had an attitude."
"And who did that hurt?"
"Everyone..."
And here's the great part. "What do you need to fix it?"
Of course, we're all expecting him to say he needs to apologize, but he takes a few ponderous moments and says, "I think we're going to need tape and a screwdriver."
I had to look away not to laugh...
What's Next? I AM
[Personal Practices]
Did Moses always kind of know he was called to be a deliverer? I'm not sure, but God certainly led him to do a great work.
How about Joshua? His path led him to step in as a successor.
Rahab was led to do a one-time courageous act.
Anna waited till old age to receive a promise she felt God gave her.
The Bible is filled with pathway stories. They are written as testimonies of faith.
Hebrews 12:1a says, "We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up."
What is the race that is before you?!
That's our quest!
We need to answer that question! YOU need to have an answer to that question!
God built us for destiny and discovery. We are all a part of the ongoing roll-out of the kingdom of heaven on earth as we participate in the plans He has for us personally.
Proverbs 4:11 is one of my favorite verses, it say...
3 Instances When Coaching Is NOT The Best Option
Surprised?
It's true. Sometimes coaching is not the best option.
Of course, I'm a big fan, and coaching is likely best more often than we all use it, but there are times when it is not the best or right tool to use.
1- When someone needs to be taught something.
Recently one of our Next Level Coach trainees was talking about how his coachee didn't know what a SMART goal was. (If you are not sure check out our blog Demystifying SMART goals.) It's hard to help a client set a good goal when they are not sure of the parameters. In this case, it would be appropriate to "take off your coach's hat" for a time, give a brief explanation, and then ask clarifying questions that would help someone make a SMART goal.
Or maybe the teaching would be more in the form of a story. Many people deal with lies or limiting beliefs that hold them back from moving forward in all God has for them. In fact, I would go so far as to say most people deal with these. If someone is unclear on this concept, it...
FLASH SALE: so kingdom it just might work!
April and I were talking and we believe in this course so much we want to try something drastic to get more people involved!
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS THE GUIDED DESTINY BY DESIGN COURSE WILL BE ON SALE FOR $697! (That's more than half off!)
Here's how we are making that work - this next cohort will not include personal coaching sessions and will not complete the needed hours for a Bridges Coaching Certification, however, you will get the same great content, processing, and facilitation! (You can always hire April to coach you on the side if you like!)
Personal Aha moments abound. Future goals are clarified. Alignment is realized. Trajectoires are shifted!
"Save Your Seat" for this kingdom opportunity!
Want more - Read these!
Does God actually have a personal plan for us individually?
Five True Stories - Does this really work?
4 Reasons People Put Off Destiny By Design, And How They Felt Later
REGISTER HERE!
Why I Paid April $50 For Just One Question!
Ready for a good story?
Some of you know I recently finished a book that is not yet published (more on that later) but it took me over TEN years to write it!
During that time my husband and I got a redirect from the Lord and moved to Lancaster, PA, where we are both on staff at Worship Center. We love it here. But, in order to be full-time there, I needed to hire people to do what I was doing at Bridges, which turned out fabulously! Sarah Fulton now manages the Coaching Culture branch, April Lonneville oversees the Destiny by Design side, and Michelle Pavasars facilitates the Next Level Coach Training(NXL).
During the very first NXL cohort, I volunteered to be coached by our Mentor Coach, Walt Hastings, while the class observed.
This is where the famous question from April happened!
My focus for the coaching session was whether or not to finish my book. The complication was that I was juggling a full-time job and running a business on the side but still feeling compelled to compl...
3 Reasons "Why" Isn't Really A Good Question - especially in trauma
"What" or "How" are the preferred coaching questions but why?
Here are X reasons why "Why?" is normally a not a best practice Q.
1) "Why" leans more toward the past.
It can be healthy to look at what happened that made preceded the incident but it's hard to move forward while looking backward. Instead, shift the question to the future and use a growth mindset by asking,"How would you do that differently if you did it again?"
2) "Why" usually comes across as judgy.
"Why do you think that happened?" can sound disciplinary, like you are trying to backdoor an "Aha" moment. If you need to raise awareness about negligence, that is a different conversation that should probably start out with "Are you open to some feedback?"
There's another common "Why" question that is quite judgy and is more personal than behavioral. It sounds like, "Why did you do that?" it comes across as questioning a person's character, education, or upbringing. Instead, maybe "What led to that?" can be more insi...
Counseling OR Coaching? How do you know which one is right for you?
Wherever you are in life - God wants to meet you there and walk with you toward your next!
He is always for us, He is nearer than we realize and He has good plans for how to move forward no matter what we are facing.
You may be in a season of transition - many of us are these days.
Or maybe you have had that one thing on your mind for a long time, maybe so long it only whispers to you now.
Can I just encourage you? DON'T STAY STUCK!
If you are not moving forward let it be because you believe God wants you to wait on something, or because you feel He has led you to a season of active rest.
But don't let it be because you are stuck or you have given up.
I've seen both Coaching and Counseling work for various end goals, but in general, the focus of Counseling is the past and the direction of coaching is the future.
The question usually comes down to the issue at hand. What are you facing right now?
Is there something you want to accomplish? A dream you have been meani...
6 Clarifying Questions to Discern Timing
Ever wonder "When"? Or maybe you are stuck on "If"?
Is now the time? Should it wait? Should it happen at all?
Here are 6 clarifying questions you can use for yourself or to help someone else discern timing!
1) What would a "yes" give you?
If you said yes to this option, how would it benefit you in the end?
What is the value add you are hoping for? Is moving forward worth it?
Sometimes you can tell a lot by exploring the gain you would receive. If you find yourself explaining how good this could be, maybe that is a sign.
2) How would a "no" or "not right now" feel?
Is this something you would want to put off, or something you have been putting off?
Do you feel relief when you think of not doing it now, or not doing it ever, or do you feel convicted that it is something you simply need to do?
If there is a sense of sadness, or of missing out, when you think of not doing it at all, that could also be the telltale sign you need that you should explore this option sooner t...
Coaching Isn't Just For "Sessions"
I Fell In Love With Coaching Again This Week - TWICE!
Good Coaching can be used anywhere.
This week I had two different incidents where I benefited from coaching myself.
Scenario #1 - In my work at Worship Center occasionally I have to deal with difficult situations. Times when I have to deal with tricky situations where I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but where I may need to speak some truth. I always want to do that in kindness, with care, and in hopes of offering growth. So, in this situation, I knew I wanted to talk to our Exec Pastor, Don Neff, to be sure I was moving forward in the right way.
Don is a sage leader and true to form he heard me out without interrupting or telling me what to do. As I was explaining the situation I found myself using the language I look for, and long for, as a coach. I said,
"You know what I probably ought to do?..." (I even told him I wish I had recorded what I had said so I could remember it and write some bullet points for the upcomin...
Adult Parenting Is Not For The Weak! (Neither is being parented when you are an adult.)
Remember those midnight feedings?
And then there were the school challenges with sports, or friends, or academics...
Then came the dating years - few of us were ready for that!
But NOW many of us are facing parenting our adult kids - if that is even a thing. They hardly need parenting anymore, except for when they do!
When dealing with your adult children's decisions affects our well-being, we need to take notice and have a plan that will benefit us all.
Here's the thing. There's really no such thing as adult children. It's an oxymoron. Either you are an adult or a child, but all too often the perspective gets confused and we can't stop treating our adult children as actual children.
The parent feels it is their duty to guide (control) the adult child when they are making decisions they don't approve of, and the adult children feel they should be allowed to make their own choices and live with the consequences.
It's a pickle.
What if you could ask your adult child empowering ...