Why Jenn Was MAD At Me and What That Has To Do With Patrick Lencioni
Jenn is a business professional who goes to my church. She contacted me a number of months ago asking if there was any way I would mentor her.
I responded with my usual thoughts about mentoring (Check out the mentoring blog here.) And that's exactly what she wanted.
How fun!
Until our last session.
Jenn started out by pulling the Bridges "Traction" book out of her purse and told me she was "mad" at me and we would get to that later. We processed a work conundrum she was walking through and talked about the podcasts she had listened to since our last time together. She had asked me for book recommendations and so I had worked on a short list I thought might benefit her with descriptions of the books and whether they were secular or faith-based etc.
That's when she let me have it!
"Why is your book not on that list?", she asked in no uncertain terms.
"Your book has helped me more than almost any other I have read!" (I mean, of course, I will mentor her if she...
Ten Tips for Great Mentoring Relationships
As a former Bible college dean, I’ve had many young people ask for mentoring. For clarity’s sake, I learned to ask back what exactly they were looking for in a mentoring relationship.
Here’s some of the answers I received:
- I don’t know what I’m looking for, isn’t that what you are supposed to decide?
- Well, I just know I am supposed to have a mentor, so whatever you think is right is good by me.
- I need someone to tell me how to grow spiritually.
While I applauded their initiative for spiritual growth and there was some value in their ideology, in this paradigm the responsibility for their development was all placed on me. I felt I was supposed to design a pathway for their spiritual growth. They wanted me to discern what their next steps would be. And in some cases, there was a hope that I would use my influence to connect them with a ministry position. Their perspective was one where I would be the leader, the teacher, and the guide and they...
3 Ways to Deal with Reluctant/Resistant People
"It doesn't work like that...."
"I can't."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
1. Avoidance.
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...
Coaching isn't just for professionals! Is it time?
Seriously, have you ever actually considered coach training?
It's one thing to hear about the discipleship and growth concepts in coaching, but another to experience and know them.
OUR SUMMER COHORT IS FORMING NOW!
Maybe summer is your best time to lean in? Maybe it's time to invest in yourself and your kingdom impact?
Learn more here. Click the "Save your seat" button to connect with this summer's cohort facilitator Sarah!
(Registration closes May 31 - cohort starts June 5th)
What To Do With Your Ed Allowance*?
How many workshops or conferences have you gone to?
What do you remember as life-changing?
I've been to quite a few and honestly what I remember is building relationships with the team I went with, or chewing on an idea one of us got from a teaching.
Here are SIX reasons Bridges Coach training could be your best next for growth!
#1 Understanding Coaching Culture is usually life-changing! (When was the last time you said that about a conference or workshop?)
Coaching, in essence, is the Biblical framework for discipleship. Once I started studying it, I saw it everywhere. My Bible is chock full of green highlighter, the color I chose just for coaching principles.
Jesus said, "His yoke was easy and His burden was light." When coaching principles are used conversationally, I can help people choose God's way for them without feeling the weight of their choice, or the cost of pushing out the timing of their resolution.
My interactions with others, at work and at home, are...
So What’s The Deal With “Agency”?
“Agency” is the new buzzword we keep hearing in podcasts and even recently published books, but what does it really mean?
Here are some thoughts on agency, where it comes from, and what makes it so very valuable in our personal lives!
Ever hear of the series “Orange is the new black”? I don’t think I ever watched it once, but I found the title interesting. Basically, it meant that the criminals who once wore black every day were now wearing orange every day in prison. So, for them, orange became their new normal.
When I first started learning, and then blogging, about coaching the word “Ownership” was a regular topic and tag.
Agency is the new Ownership.
Agency means we have choices.
- We can advocate for ourselves in certain situations.
- We can choose our perspective.
- We can remove ourselves from harmful places.
- We can work toward our preferred future.
- We can grow spiritual and process our thoughts and feelings in healthy ways.
Agency...
What If There Is An Angle You Aren't Clearly Seeing? (How Eric's Question Changed My Perspective)
In case you missed the memo I recently completed the first draft of a dating book I have been working on for about ten years! Before Bridges Coaching I worked at a Bible College as a dean and learned lots of things about how to - and how not to- date well!
I started the book in that era and then launched Bridges coaching so the book was put on the back burner for a while, then we had a surprise chapter and moved to PA where we both work at a wonderful church and Bridges became what I did on the side, so the book was my side side - if there is such a thing.
So here's the perspective-shifting thought.
My husband, Eric, was talking about my completing the draft and he said "Actually, I'm glad it took you this long. You have been really good with having boundaries about how much you work. What if you had pushed yourself to get it done sooner and that really cost our family or our marriage?"
WOW!
He was right!
I felt immediate relief for all the guilt I had felt with...
Far And Away The #1 Obstacle That Holds People Back + some REALLY BIG PERSONAL NEWS
Whether you are a coach or a coachee, pastor or parishioner, minister, mom, or mentor the number one obstacle that holds anyone back is something I call the Sunday drive perspective.
When you are on a Sunday drive you don’t really have a destination. You are just driving around for the sake of getting out of the house. (If you have never heard of a Sunday drive, that is something we used to do before gas prices were ridiculous and also before our Sundays were a desperate attempt at recuperation from the work week.)
The point of a Sunday drive was the rambling. It was just a journey with no specific destination for the purpose of spending time with whoever went along. There's nothing wrong with that if your purpose is to slow down and spend time together.
But when our lives slip into a Sunday drive mindset we don’t have a clear destination. There is no defined purpose or goal we are working toward. Our lives are...
Soul Care Personal Retreat! (What have you done for YOU lately?)
These last two years..... What can you say?
The whole pandemic season was unexpected, challenging, disruptive, and costly in so many ways!
Now what - how do we heal? what does "normal" look like?
God never wants to waste anything. He always wants to use what we have been through, or are going through, for GOOD in our lives.
We want to help you process what you have experienced!
Bridges Coaching is offering a FLASH SALE for our Soul Care Personal Retreat! for just $20.
What's a refresh worth to you?
What have you done for YOU lately? Maybe it's time to spend some time with God, truly process what is in your heart and listen for what is in His heart for you. This self-paced video journey gives you prompts for processing and helps you lean into your own personal refreshing journey!
AND who could you gift a REFRESH to? Maybe your pastor could use a personal retreat, or maybe your boss or coworker, perhaps an adult child or good friend.
Use the code...
How To Leverage Habit Stacking (and a couple other pro-tips from James Clear)
[Tips and tools]
I'm an "N" in the MyersBriggs personality profile. One thing that means is that tactical things are not my best game. I guess you could say an absent-minded professor profile kind of fits when it comes to certain things. If I'm not focused the milk can be put away in the cupboard, or I may burn my hands getting things out of the oven.
I once had to have Eric turn around on the way to work because I forgot to wear shoes...
So, when it comes to remembering things that are tactical it can be tricky for people like me. It's not enough to want to add a new habit. I have to really think it through. (But then again, maybe all people are like that? I'd love to hear your thoughts.)
Habit stacking isn't new for me, but I didn't know what to call it till I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. This is a great read for anyone with a growth mindset. If you want to add something new to your life, you will need to change some things and this pathway can help.
This first...