3 Steps to Navigating Negative Emotions: Processing Series
Life has storms - external and internal. Negative emotions are never fun, but they are important. They are like a gauge on your life dashboard alerting you to pay attention to something. Good coaching can assist with learning how to manage and mine them.
Here are some options that may help you or someone you are working with.
- Name the feeling. This is so valuable! Some times there is a general sense of malaise and starting with naming it can help you with addressing it well. Chip Dodd's book "The Voice of the heart" and his free emotional resource materials can help, but simply taking the time to identify what your gauge is saying is helpful. Are you sad, angry, lonely, fearful, hurt or something else? (This is the R- recognize part of the Coaching ROAD)
- Consider your options. It could be anything from counseling to a distracation to a release. Talking to someone usually helps reveal the next step, when you hear yourself or someone say something like, "What is need is a good cry" ...
This Just In - Commentary On Coach Training
In the Bridges Life Coach certification course, we use a variety of adult learning techniques, and one of them is online discussion. We share different questions throughout the learning process so the trainees can interact with the material and process it by restating it, or sharing how it applies in their own life situations.
Among other things, we share about topics like why it is often hard to trust that God has a plan, what it looks like to actively listen in a real life situations, or how to ask empowering questions.
The following comment came from a list-building question requesting input on honest reasons we like to retain control. The trainee's words are in blue and italics.
I take control because apparently I know what's best for everyone!! I never knew I was such a know-it-all all when it comes to other people's lives! But it is out of concern and wanting what is best for them.
I love the honesty here! Whether we acknowledge it or not, most of us do think we know what...
What On Earth Are You Doing? (For Heavens' Sake?)
I was reading the parable of the talents recently - you know the one where the guy decides simply to hide what he was given since he knows the Master is exacting. It hit me differently this time. The Master did not give clear instructions; he just said to do something with what they were given.
So, the question may not be "What should I do?" but "What have I been given to do something with?" Food for thought about choices!
Perhaps we/I make too big a deal about hearing from the Holy Spirit to discern next steps?
Is it fear that I didn't hear clearly that holds me back?
What if God simply wants me to do something with what I have been given?
This begs the question - what have I been given?
Here are some thoughts I came up with - we have all been given certain personality traits, interests, strengths (and weaknesses), relationships, resources, intellectual capabilities, emotional awareness, and more.
And now I have choices. I can wait for a "sign" to do something, I can try thi...
Two SIMPLE Phrases That Flip The Conversation To A Coaching Mindset
There is a skill set to coaching, to be sure, but more than a skill set, coaching is a mindset.
More than following a formula, coaching* has to do with a heart posture that believes God's Spirit endwells people and is guiding each of us on our own unique journey. A good coach is a thinking partner who offers a safe space to process your pathway out loud. They are cheerleaders and sometimes mirror holders. They believe in your ability to work through whatever life has thrown at you, to do new things, to work through obstacles, and to follow through when the going gets tough.
Two super simple phrases that can be a game-changer in a coaching session or a conversation.
1) Tell me more.
Tell me more - offers the person replying to go anywhere they want to go in what they share next. In fact, they may not even know until they keep talking what they need to "get out" there to discuss.
Proverbs 20:5 says, "People’s thoughts can be like a deep well, but someone with understanding can f...
Maybe We Are Asking The Wrong Question(s)
When "stuff" happens, the go-to question for most of us is typical. "Why?"
Why did "that" happen?
Why did someone pass early? Why did that tragedy happen? Why did I lose my job? Why can't I meet someone? Why am I misunderstood?
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?
Job was never given a clear understanding of why he was dealt such a bad hand. Can you imagine? All your children die in one fell swoop? Your businesses fail, your stock investments tank, you are in utter familial and financial devastation, and then... then you trun up with horrid boils all over your body?
Just yuck.
Job spent some time asking some questions, and then God showed up and started asking some questions of His own. Turns out God doesn't report to us. He's not American and has His own definition of fair.
He is God, we are not. And yet He allows, even invites, us to interact with Him. To pour out our hearts. The psalms are full of this kind of dialogue.
God wants to hear from us, but He does not "report" to us. We c...
Coaching Questions to take Everyday Conversations to a Next Level
You know those regular greetings we have where you say something like, "Hey, how ya' doing?" Maybe you really want to know, but more likely you just want to say more than a simple "Hi".
Or how about the classic, "How was your day?" that you ask a spouse, or child, a friend, or family member. It's usually met with another classic, "Fine, and yours?"
Let's take some coaching concepts and build a list of questions that could take our conversations deeper, helping us to know each other more and strengthen our conversations and our relationships.
Think of a few relationships you would like to go a little deeper. Which of the following questions could work for you in different scenarios?
- Tell me about your day - what was funny or sad or weird?
- What was hard for you today?
- What was the best thing that happened today, or on vacation, or over the weekend, or ?.
- Who is someone that inspires you?
- Where did you see God at work today?
- What is something you are praying for?
- What is a ...
5 Potentially Life-changing Table Questions for Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is right around the corner! More people will be sitting around the table eating a meal together than almost any other time of the year.
Here are 5 questions you can incorporate to make that table time especially connecting this year! You can start by Introducing the idea of having intentional conversation this year. Share a question and answer it, then randomly pick who goes next till everyone has been able to share.
Encouraging quality conversation will make this year's connections memorable, maybe even life-changing.
- What one person around this table are you proud of this year and why?
- Which blessing has the most meaning for you at this time in your life: Joy, Peace, Hope, or something else - and what makes that stand out?
- How have you seen a prayer answered in a surprising way this year? (Maybe a story of a dark time God led you through and used for good.)
- When you think of this last year what event marks the year for you?
- Where would you like to see yourself i ...
10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 7's
Why so serious?
According to the Enneagram Institute, Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
We have named this personality type The Enthusiast because Sevens are enthusiastic about almost everything that catches their attention. They approach life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure, like “kids in a candy store” who look at the world in wide-eyed, rapt anticipation of all the good things they are about to experience. They are bold and vivacious, pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful determination. They have a quality bes...
Who Is The Story About? (Hint: Jesus flipped this all around!!)
We all do it. We make the story about us. It's human nature for us to think of our part and forward how awesome it is.
In marketing, it is common for the product or service to be the main character in the sale. We hear things like, "Our _________ will be the answer", or "We have the best __________". (I've done this before comparing our coach training to others...)
StoryBrand teaches that the person being coached needs to be the main character. When a brand offers to help you be a better you, to serve you in some kind of way, you are much more likely to buy in rather than when they tell you how amazing they are. If something, or someone, truly wants to serve us, it is so different!
Sound familiar? Kingdom culture is like this!
Jesus said He came into this world "not to be served, but to serve". Honestly, this makes me kind of sad. He deserved/s to be served!!
Good coaching is about serving! It's not about coming in to save the day with the coach being the "hero". It's about provi...
The Many Faces Of Failure...
What first comes to your mind when you think of failure?
Here are some initial ideas: unkind words, poor behavior, missed deadlines, and loss of trust.
Perhaps some lesser-recognized failures could be: unreceived forgiveness, unrealized potential, procrastination, and stagnation.
My heart is heavy just thinking of categories. There is so much pain and loss in this world.
But take heart friends, there is NOTHING God cannot redeem. He truly wants to meet us right where we are and walk with us toward our best next step.
We are in good company. Let's take a look at a few Biblical characters who walked through some difficult situations, failures even, and moved on to redeemed situations.
Moses took matters into his own hands and tried to become who God wanted him to be his own way. He was too early and he was out of line. He even murdered a man. And yet, he allowed God to process his heart and he was still asked to be the deliverer God had planned for him to be - in God's timing and...