What Making Disciples Is NOT! And How Coaching Can Help!
Aren't we supposed to just tell people what to do?
There IS a place for telling! Telling comes first. We all tell the children in our lives not to cross the street without looking. We would not let them learn from their own mistakes there. But as they grow we move from telling to teaching.
Telling > Teaching
We teach them how to feed themselves. We teach them to bathe and dress themselves, etc. Eventually, we teach them how to make quality decisions with friendships, future goals, and the like. Then we move to training.
Telling > Teaching > Training
Training looks like explaining how something works and then letting them learn by doing. "Here's how to wash the dishes." And then they get to give it a go. Teaching turns to training in the "doing" phase. "Here's how to manage your money" etc. Then comes trusting.
Telling > Teaching > Training > Trusting
Every parent of an adult child has had to practice this. You launch them off to college or their first home...
What Jesus Could Have Said... a one chapter snapshot
Jesus loved to ask questions. He often replied to questions with questions or used questions to teach.
Questions get people thinking.
Let's take a look at just one chapter of the Bible and see how Jesus used this tool.
Luke 20 finds Jesus in the temple teaching.
In Luke 20:3 Jesus is answering a question about where His authority comes from and He says, "I will also ask you a question. Tell me: When John baptized people, was that authority from God or just from other people?"
Jesus could have simply answered the question. He could have said, "My authority comes from God, who is my Father. He and I are one with the Holy Spirit."
Why do you think He didn't just say it clearly like that?
He goes on to tell a story of a vineyard owner and his son.
(Side note: Jesus often told stories and then just walked away - I would have probably taken great pains to explain the story and make sure the listeners "got it". Do you think He just trusted the Holy Spirit to reveal...
6 Ways Coaching Makes Disciples (not dependents) Are you making disciples?
Jesus was rarely a "teller", and when He was it was mainly to the religious leaders when He was telling them off in no uncertain terms.
Think about it when you are reading the gospels. Jesus often responded to questions with questions, or sometimes with stories. We also have the beatitudes and many word pictures about what the kingdom is like. Most often, He encouraged people to decide what they needed to do next.
When we tell people what we think they should do we risk getting in the way of their personal connection with God. Of course, there are moral boundaries and we would never encourage someone to "decide" if those were right, but here are a few examples of where coaching questions could help someone make healthy choices:
- who to date
- whether or not to go to college and where
- how to decide if you should stay with a certain job/role
- choosing where to volunteer
- how to move toward a specific goal, and even if you should
Just to name a few.
Coaching makes disciples by helping...
The Shadow Side of "Niche" Coaching
Some people say it rhymes with "stitch", others tip toward the French and say it with a long "e" and a "sh" at the end. I think there are even some combo folks out there who would say it rhymes with "squish" or "screech".
However you say it, having a niche may, or may not be an asset in coaching.
Good coaching, as defined by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), or Christian Coaches Network International (CCNI), does not include the coach sharing their expertise in a niche field as the means forward. Instead, good coaching draws out from the coachees the best way forward.
Having experience, or education, in a particular field is not always beneficial to good coaching.
If the coach has a certain bent toward how they think the plan should roll out, they tend to ask leading questions to prompt the client toward their own preferred outcome.
Sir John Whitmore in his foundational coaching book "Coaching for Performance" shares about an experiment he conducted where he...
The Skinny On Bridges Coaching! (and a quick dependence quiz)
Bridges Coaching exists to make disciples, not dependents.
We do this through:
- training leaders in the Coaching Culture
- guiding people to understand their Destiny by Design
- personal coaching
- guided workshops: Soul Care Personal Retreat and the Life on Purpose Workshop
- self-guided coaching journal book by Cindy called Traction
It's easy to go through life unintentionally not engaging in what God has for you personally.
It takes clarity and intentionality to move with purpose engaging in God's unique best next step for you!
Most people don't mean to be dependent but here's how you could tell if you are tending that way. Give yourself 1 point for a positive response to any of these 10 markers.
___ I would prefer if someone would just tell me what to do.
___ If only things would come together for me as they do for everyone else.
___ I can't be expected to adult, I just never got the tools.
___ If the right leader would just mentor me, then I could really become...
How To Help Your Client Prep For The Next Time THAT Happens!
[Tips and Tools Series]
You know that thing. The one that really ticks you off. And you're like "AHHHH!!! Why does this keep happening? Can't they see this isn't right?"
Or maybe you're more self-focused and you react to the thing by wishing you weren't so________________ (insert self-judgment here, so quiet, so moody, so wordy, so hot.... whatever.)
Whichever it is here's a quick tip to prepare for the next time THAT happens.
Let me introduce the "Rethink and Prethink".
It's simple really.
You go back to that moment in your mind and define when you were triggered and how you reacted. Whether the other person was at fault or the situation wasn't right is not our immediate concern, but more so how we reacted in that moment.
Many times we live in a state of regret or anger. Or maybe we vacillate between both.
The key is to look back and redo what happened in your head. Then rethink it. What should you have done? How would you like to have shown up?
Now take what...