Why I Paid April $50 For Just One Question!

Ready for a good story?

Some of you know I recently finished a book that is not yet published (more on that later) but it took me over TEN years to write it!

During that time my husband and I got a redirect from the Lord and moved to Lancaster, PA, where we are both on staff at Worship Center. We love it here. But, in order to be full-time there, I needed to hire people to do what I was doing at Bridges, which turned out fabulously! Sarah Fulton now manages the Coaching Culture branch, April Lonneville oversees the Destiny by Design side, and Michelle Pavasars facilitates the Next Level Coach Training(NXL).

During the very first NXL cohort, I volunteered to be coached by our Mentor Coach, Walt Hastings, while the class observed. 

This is where the famous question from April happened!

My focus for the coaching session was whether or not to finish my book. The complication was that I was juggling a full-time job and running a business on the side but still feeling compelled...

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3 Reasons "Why" Isn't Really A Good Question - especially in trauma

#askbetterquestions Sep 09, 2022

"What" or "How" are the preferred coaching questions but why?

Here are X reasons why "Why?" is normally a not a best practice Q.

1) "Why" leans more toward the past. 

It can be healthy to look at what happened that made preceded the incident but it's hard to move forward while looking backward. Instead, shift the question to the future and use a growth mindset by asking,"How would you do that differently if you did it again?" 

2) "Why" usually comes across as judgy.

"Why do you think that happened?" can sound disciplinary, like you are trying to backdoor an "Aha" moment. If you need to raise awareness about negligence, that is a different conversation that should probably start out with "Are you open to some feedback?"

There's another common "Why" question that is quite judgy and is more personal than behavioral. It sounds like, "Why did you do that?" it comes across as questioning a person's character, education, or upbringing. Instead, maybe "What led to that?" can...

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Counseling OR Coaching? How do you know which one is right for you?

Wherever you are in life - God wants to meet you there and walk with you toward your next!

He is always for us, He is nearer than we realize and He has good plans for how to move forward no matter what we are facing.

You may be in a season of transition  - many of us are these days.

Or maybe you have had that one thing on your mind for a long time, maybe so long it only whispers to you now. 

Can I just encourage you? DON'T STAY STUCK! 

If you are not moving forward let it be because you believe God wants you to wait on something, or because you feel He has led you to a season of active rest. 

But don't let it be because you are stuck or you have given up. 

I've seen both Coaching and Counseling work for various end goals, but in general, the focus of Counseling is the past and the direction of coaching is the future. 

The question usually comes down to the issue at hand. What are you facing right now?

     Is there something you...

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6 Clarifying Questions to Discern Timing

Ever wonder "When"? Or maybe you are stuck on "If"?

Is now the time?    Should it wait?    Should it happen at all? 

Here are 6 clarifying questions you can use for yourself or to help someone else discern timing!

1) What would a "yes" give you?

If you said yes to this option, how would it benefit you in the end?

What is the value add you are hoping for? Is moving forward worth it?

Sometimes you can tell a lot by exploring the gain you would receive. If you find yourself explaining how good this could be, maybe that is a sign.

2) How would a "no" or "not right now" feel?

Is this something you would want to put off, or something you have been putting off? 

Do you feel relief when you think of not doing it now, or not doing it ever, or do you feel convicted that it is something you simply need to do?

If there is a sense of sadness, or of missing out, when you think of not doing it at all, that could also be the telltale sign you need that...

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Coaching Isn't Just For "Sessions"

I Fell In Love With Coaching Again This Week - TWICE!

Good Coaching can be used anywhere.

This week I had two different incidents where I benefited from coaching myself.

Scenario #1 - In my work at Worship Center occasionally I have to deal with difficult situations. Times when I have to deal with tricky situations where I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but where I may need to speak some truth. I always want to do that in kindness, with care, and in hopes of offering growth. So, in this situation, I knew I wanted to talk to our Exec Pastor, Don Neff, to be sure I was moving forward in the right way.

Don is a sage leader and true to form he heard me out without interrupting or telling me what to do. As I was explaining the situation I found myself using the language I look for, and long for, as a coach. I said,

"You know what I probably ought to do?..." (I even told him I wish I had recorded what I had said so I could remember it and write some bullet points for the upcoming...

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Adult Parenting Is Not For The Weak! (Neither is being parented when you are an adult.)

Remember those midnight feedings?

And then there were the school challenges with sports, or friends, or academics...

Then came the dating years - few of us were ready for that! 

But NOW many of us are facing parenting our adult kids - if that is even a thing. They hardly need parenting anymore, except for when they do!

When dealing with your adult children's decisions affects our well-being, we need to take notice and have a plan that will benefit us all.

Here's the thing. There's really no such thing as adult children. It's an oxymoron. Either you are an adult or a child, but all too often the perspective gets confused and we can't stop treating our adult children as actual children.

The parent feels it is their duty to guide (control) the adult child when they are making decisions they don't approve of, and the adult children feel they should be allowed to make their own choices and live with the consequences. 

It's a pickle.

What if you could ask your...

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Seven Surprising Types of People Digging in to Destiny by Design

Imagine the surprise when certain specific people groups emerged and started taking our Destiny by Design course.

Originally the course was designed for college students discerning what God had next for them, but what a surprise when these other people groups started jumping in and gleaning insights as well:

  • Empty nest Moms wanting to find meaning in the next season of life.
  • Retirees looking for more than golf or fishing to fill their time.
  • Ministers or missionaries transitioning to the marketplace.
  • Businessmen or vocational workers looking to get into ministry.
  • Niche seekers wanting to hone their future.
  • Pastors on sabbatical.
  • Young adults seeking clarity rather than just doing college because everyone else is.

Destiny by Design helped clarify the pathways for each of these types of people.

So, which category do you fall into? 

Whether you fall into one of these categories or are the original college student, the course was designed to help you identify what God has...

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But Isn't Detachment Kind Of Mean? Benevolent Detachment #4 of 5

Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.  

They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.

Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.

When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.

It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:

- We would...

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Does It Really Work? [Destiny by Design #5 of 5]

Four stories of destiny development from our Destiny by Design alumni.

Story 1 is about a pastor who took the course after being "released" to pursue his faith elsewhere from a church that no longer wanted him there in ministry. It had come to light that the minister in question had differing beliefs about God moving personally in people's lives.

He actually used his Destiny by Design portfolio project as part of his interview process before moving to serve at a new church that welcomed and valued his views on God's personal connection.

Story 2 is from a woman who thought her passion was to become a speaker on a circuit. When she realized the motivation under the desire was to bring refreshing to people, her dream shifted to a goal of launching a non-profit that would serve ministers and front-line givers, like health care professionals or first responders, by providing respite places. It's a big vision that will be her ultimate contribution.

Story 3 has a main character...

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Getting Rid of the Nagging Voice Within... [Destiny by Design #3 of 5]

We all have them. 

Limiting beliefs that nay-say to us whenever we want to move forward. 

They mock us with things like:

  • "You could never do that. It's too big for you to consider."
  • "You don't have what you need to even get started."
  • "You are not enough to even contribute toward that..."
  • "You don't even know what you are doing."

If we listen to these voices our potential future, our intended contribution to the kingdom of God can be thwarted before it even gets started.

Identifying what these limiting beliefs (lies) are and then learning how to diminish or eliminate them is the difference between having a dream and actually seeing a dream become a reality.

Limiting beliefs are lies that cloud our vision of ourselves, our circumstances, and how God wants to mee us right where we are at!

"Good" lies are like good poison. They seem good. They taste "right", but in the end, they can kill you.

Let me explain. 

You may actually not have what you need to get started, but...

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