Why I Paid April $50 For Just One Question!

Ready for a good story?

Some of you know I recently finished a book that is not yet published (more on that later) but it took me over TEN years to write it!

During that time my husband and I got a redirect from the Lord and moved to Lancaster, PA, where we are both on staff at Worship Center. We love it here. But, in order to be full-time there, I needed to hire people to do what I was doing at Bridges, which turned out fabulously! Sarah Fulton now manages the Coaching Culture branch, April Lonneville oversees the Destiny by Design side, and Michelle Pavasars facilitates the Next Level Coach Training(NXL).

During the very first NXL cohort, I volunteered to be coached by our Mentor Coach, Walt Hastings, while the class observed. 

This is where the famous question from April happened!

My focus for the coaching session was whether or not to finish my book. The complication was that I was juggling a full-time job and running a business on the side but still feeling compelled...

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Adult Parenting Is Not For The Weak! (Neither is being parented when you are an adult.)

Remember those midnight feedings?

And then there were the school challenges with sports, or friends, or academics...

Then came the dating years - few of us were ready for that! 

But NOW many of us are facing parenting our adult kids - if that is even a thing. They hardly need parenting anymore, except for when they do!

When dealing with your adult children's decisions affects our well-being, we need to take notice and have a plan that will benefit us all.

Here's the thing. There's really no such thing as adult children. It's an oxymoron. Either you are an adult or a child, but all too often the perspective gets confused and we can't stop treating our adult children as actual children.

The parent feels it is their duty to guide (control) the adult child when they are making decisions they don't approve of, and the adult children feel they should be allowed to make their own choices and live with the consequences. 

It's a pickle.

What if you could ask your...

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But Isn't Detachment Kind Of Mean? Benevolent Detachment #4 of 5

Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.  

They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.

Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.

When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.

It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:

- We would...

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What Was God Thinking? Benevolent Detachment #2 of 5

Ever just want to shake someone? I have. 

Okay, maybe not physically, but I have wanted so badly to help someone SEE something. It's mind-boggling to me how tolerant people can be of difficult circumstances they could actually do something about!

If I'm honest I've wanted to shake myself at times as well!

You'd think the low experience would be enough for a wake-up call, but no. We keep doing the same thing over and over, and not adopting the new thing we know would be better for us. 

What was God thinking when He gave us free will? 

Apparently, this is not a new phenomenon. Paul says in Romans 7:15

     I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate.

But then later in Romans 12:2, he says, 

     Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will...

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What is Benevolent Detachment? Benevolent Detachment - #1 of 5

I am LOVING John Eldridge’s Pause App prompts and the new 30 Days to Resilient plan! (I just completed my first round and am excited to repeat the whole thing!)

That’s where I first heard about Benevolent Detachment.

If you aren’t sure what that is a quick definition includes, in Eldridge’s words, “releasing everyone and everything to Him.” It’s the art of letting God be God and letting go of our compulsion to change people or situations. It involves a combination of a rooted perspective of who God is in our lives, mixed with a healthy understanding of free will, prayer, and trust in God to be there for us and for others.

When we fix our attention on what’s wrong in our lives, other’s lives, or our world - our attention is not where it needs to be. On Jesus.

 

Benevolent Detachment is a reminder to hit the refresh button in our souls. To close our eyes to the world around us and the chatter within us and commune with Him...

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Which One Are You?

Dreamers tend to have an idea a minute. 

You know the type. They are pretty quick with a "What if?" They keep us moving forward, trying things and improving what is already there. 

Maybe you are the type. You have more vision than there are years in the century. It's a gift and a curse because you always have more good ideas, but it's hard because you probably can't do them all. (And let's be honest, sometimes you start stuff that doesn't get done.)

SO, how do you decide what to do when? And how? And with whom?

Coaching can help! In fact, that is one of the outcomes coaching is designed for!

Now, let's talk about Doers.

Doers get stuff done. Their focus is less on what could be and more on what is.

You know the type. They are hard-working, dependable, and responsible. They seem to be tireless.

Maybe you are the type. You don't need someone to check up on you because your internal motivation will keep things running smoothly and get the stuff checked off the...

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Far And Away The #1 Obstacle That Holds People Back + some REALLY BIG PERSONAL NEWS

biblical coaching destiny Apr 22, 2022

Whether you are a coach or a coachee, pastor or parishioner, minister, mom, or mentor the number one obstacle that holds anyone back is something I call the Sunday drive perspective.

When you are on a Sunday drive you don’t really have a destination. You are just driving around for the sake of getting out of the house. (If you have never heard of a Sunday drive, that is something we used to do before gas prices were ridiculous and also before our Sundays were a desperate attempt at recuperation from the work week.)

The point of a Sunday drive was the rambling. It was just a journey with no specific destination for the purpose of spending time with whoever went along. There's nothing wrong with that if your purpose is to slow down and spend time together. 

But when our lives slip into a Sunday drive mindset we don’t have a clear destination. There is no defined purpose or goal we are working toward. Our lives are...

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How The Escape Room Craze Smacks of the Coaching Quest!

In Bridges Coaching one of the foundational tools we use is called the Always Circle. It is built on these three statements:

- There is always going to be stuff.

- God always offers a plan.

- We always make choices.

See the three "always" in there. Hence the name, Always Circle.

One of the reasons we are intrigued by Escape Rooms is that we know there is a solution and we want to see if we can figure it out. 

Coaching can be like that - if we believe in God.

We have some sort of "stuff". We need to make a decision, or we need a pathway to move forward. We want healing. We're looking for connection. There is something in our life that requires attention and we are hoping for resolution.

In an Escape Room setting, we know that there IS a way out. Others have gone before us. the quest is to figure it out in a certain amount of time and "escape" from the room.

In a Coaching conversation, the parameters are similar. Let's take a look at the parts of the Always Circle...

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Coaching and Message-Based Discussion Groups

At our church, we have a saying,

Discussion leads to discovery,

Discovery highlights decisions,

Decisions determine destiny!

The adult learning model forwards the idea that "grown-ups" learn differently than children. Children need to be taught in a top-down leadership model that teaches, or tells, them what to do.

It sounds like, "Don't cross the road without looking both ways", or "Put your coat on before you go outside."

Turns out adults learn better from questions and prefer being trusted with application. That would sound more like, "What are some ways we could safely cross the street?", or "How will you know if you should wear a coat?"

Maybe those aren't the best examples. 

How about a values-based example.

Let's say the point the pastor wants to get across is about having personal devotions. They could tell people they need to read through the Bible in a year, or read for a certain amount of time each day, or that they need to have a prayer journal or any number of...

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Looking for MEANINGFUL gifts for your Gift List or Wish List?

I may regret this, but hey ~ it's Christmas!

I just decorated early. I think because I want some sort of do-over for last year... I want to celebrate fully and connect deeply and I want to GIFT MEANINGFULLY!

So, here's the offer.

Check out our Bridges Product page for your Gift List OR your Wish List.

Use the code MEANINGFULGIFT for all our products* for 15% off till Dec 1!

That includes everything from our video workshops all the way up to our certification courses! We haven't had a deal like this EVER!

It's worth the click to check it out and remember, use the code MEANINGFULGIFT for the discount. 

Have fun shopping! (and if you purchase a gift remember to use the contact info for the person you are gifting to!)

Thankful for each of you and ready to celebrate!

Cindy

*Books from Amazon excluded (I couldn't figure out how to make a coupon for that - they are fairly inexpensive anyway...)

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