Too much grace isn't grace at all
"She comes across a little strong, don't you think? Shouldn't we just love people where they are? After all, love covers a multitude of sins."
"Yeah, but don't you think she'd want to know? Faithful are the wounds of a friend."
Have you ever been part of that conversation? Both people are quoting Scripture, and both are right. That's what makes it so hard.
This is step two of the Pendulum Process: discuss both sides.
On one side is truth. Honest feedback can show someone a blind spot and spark a real "aha" moment. But truth pushed over the edge becomes bluntness without timing or care. I've been there. Years ago I removed a dancer from a role in a drama without much discussion because she couldn't get the part right. I was right about the timing. I was wrong about how I handled her, and it hurt her.
On the other side is grace. Grace lets things go, refuses to be offended, and leaves room for people to grow. But grace pushed over the edge becomes silence, or even abdication. A frie...
If there were just a set of rules...
If I were in charge of the world, I think I would have made right and wrong a lot clearer. I'd have written a list of rules so we could all know for sure whether we were doing the right thing.
God didn't do that. Not for everything, anyway.
Some things are clearly right and wrong. Murder, adultery and stealing aren't up for discussion, and neither are forgiveness and our need for salvation. Those sit firmly on the outside edges of every pendulum.
But look at how many of Jesus' teachings seem to pull in two directions:
- We're told to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), yet Jesus told His disciples to shake the dust off their feet in towns that rejected them (Matthew 10:14).
- We're told to let our good works shine so others see them (Matthew 5:16), and in the very next chapter to do good in secret (Matthew 6:2-4).
- We're told not to worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-34), yet the bridesmaids who weren't prepared were left outside (Matthew 25:1-13).
So how are we supposed to know wha...
No one ever? Anyone always?
Last time I asked you to notice where you've been swinging. This week I'll go first.
When I walk by a homeless person, I tend to just keep walking.
Please don't write to tell me how cold that is until you've read the rest! I'm telling you my natural tendency, not my best moment. In my head it sounds reasonable. There are missions in every city offering a real way out. Handing over food or money feels like helping someone avoid the harder answer. I even have verses that support my thinking. Jesus said, "You will always have the poor with you." Paul wrote, "Anyone who refuses to work should not eat."
If I let those thoughts run to their extreme, they land here: give to no one, ever.
Now let me tell you about a guy from our church. I'll call him Keith. Keith has thought about setting up a tent city in his backyard for anyone who needs it. He regularly gives food to people in need, and he runs a food truck that is free, no questions asked.
Keith has verses too. The Good Samaritan. Joh...
What If It's Not Black And White?
Most of us were handed a simple map for the life of faith: right or wrong, in or out, faithful or failing. It's a tidy way of thinking. It's also the reason so many of us feel stuck.
Here's what I've noticed after years of coaching. When we decide something is all bad, we swing hard toward its opposite. Raised with too many rules? We swing to none. Burned by being too trusting? We swing to trusting no one. Exhausted from saying yes to everything? We swing to a hard no.
It feels like growth. Often it's just the other side of the same pendulum.
And the pendulum doesn't stop there. It swings back. So we spend years moving between two extremes, convinced that one of them must be the right answer, and feeling like a failure every time we find ourselves on the wrong side again.
What if neither end is the answer?
Scripture is full of things we'd rather keep separate. Jesus is described as full of grace and truth, not one at the expense of the other. Ecclesiastes tells us there's a time t...
How Does Discerning Work For You?
We all face stuff... Maybe it's a decision to be made, a goal to invest in, or perhaps you are facing a relational challenge.
Whatever it is. God wants to use it for good in your life.
He wants to connect with you in new ways. He wants to reveal Himself in some new way - maybe Counselor, or Friend, or Sustainer, or...
I kind of have a love/hate relationship with that familiar verse. You know the one - Romans 8:28, where God promises to use it all for good in our lives. If I'm honest, I sometimes have a different definition of "good". I don't want difficult stuff in my life, and even more so, I don't want my people to have it either.
I want all my people to be healthy, wealthy, and wise! :)
Turns out, though, we all learn and grow more through our difficulties than when things are easy. I'd rather learn from stories of others who were overcomers than have to face overcoming myself.
Guess that makes me human:)
It's complicated, though. On the one hand, we want things to go smo...
Change Happens Two Ways - And Three Ways We Address It
Subject: Change Happens Two Ways - And Three Ways We Address It
Change happens by Decision and Imposition. That's how I see it. Put another way, transition happens by choice or by chance through a situation God can use.
Let's look at each.
#1 Change can happen when we make choices.
Our decisions lead to transitions. It can be as simple as choosing a different breakfast or as complex as changing careers and moving to a new location.
When we stop making choices to change, we stop growing.
Discipleship is a transformational process that requires shifts. Shifts in thinking and in doing, and shifts in how we manage our thoughts and emotions. It is how we process the stuff of life, which brings us to our next thought.
#2 Change can be imposed on us when stuff happens.
The "stuff" can be something we hoped for, like a promotion or a new relationship, but it can also be something we feared, like a difficulty. Maybe an event at work prompts an unwelcome transition. Inflation causes...
Just Delete This If...
I kind of hate it when I get emails that say things like, "last chance" when you know they will offer "it" again, or when they say "only X spots left" when you know they would open up space for as many people as signed up.
We lean away from that kind of marketing at Bridges, but I do feel compelled to let you all know where we stand when a cohort is about to launch so:
DELETE THIS EMAIL if:
- You have already taken Bridges Coach training and are not interested in this cohort, but please stay on the list, I promise we will get back to our regularly scheduled coaching culture prompts after this email. (Feel free to consider who you know that might benefit from coach training and chat with them.)
- You have prayed about Bridges Coach training and now is not the right time for you.
If you are still reading here's a few things that could help with your decision.
1- Registraion for this fall's cohort closes Sunday, Aug 31.
2- This is the last time the course will be at this price po...
2 Essentials For A Growth Mindset (okay - maybe 3) [Part 2]
A Growth Mindset means you don't need to be stuck. You can move forward.
People get stuck when they feel there is no way out; we all tend to excuse ourselves from seeing what needs to be seen and doing what needs to be done to move ahead.
Last time we talked about the 1st essential for a growth mindset - the need for humility. If we can't see where we need help, we are not likely to receive what we desperately need. (Probably worth the click if you haven't read it yet.)
The promised 2nd essential is: Intentionality.
When I worked with youth years ago, we promoted the idea of spiritual journeying. If you are not on a journey with God, you are missing out on experiencing your faith! If you can't say what you are learning or how you are growing, you are likely dealing with pride or apathy.
Humility is the antidote for pride. Intentionality is the antidote for apathy.
Apathy says things like, "What? I'm just doing me", "Don't be so serious all the time - just relax and enjoy life"...
Should I or Shouldn't I? And The Reasons That Drive Us
We all ask that question about a pile of things every day- little things, big things, present things, future things, relational things, tactical things, all. the. things.
Let's take a look.
Here are some common questions > Here are some common ways we reason.
Should I get a latte on the way to work? > It's been a rough week, any little extra comfort is worth it.
Should I talk to my friend about her situation? > Ah... She knows I am available if she needs me.
Should I pursue a different position? > If it's meant to be, it will come to me.
Should I finally start that project? > I'm not sure if the juice is worth the squeeze.
Should I be making any adjustments to my routine (diet, exercise, devotional patterns, joining a small group, investing more in retirement)? > I've got a lot on my plate right now, best not to upset the apple cart.
Maybe you have had some of these questions. Maybe you have reasoned some of these reasons.
The Proverbs are all about choosing well. In fact, mo...
What Do Passivity, Fear, and Indecision Have In Common?
Most of us understand that to move forward, we have to ... well, move forward. We have to take steps in order to achieve movement on whatever path is before us.
What is harder to come to terms with are the ingrained beliefs (poisons)that can hold us back from said movement. Let's explore these thoughts together. See if you can identify which, if any, of the following thoughts you have had personal experience with.
- If God wanted it to happen, He would ______________. Maybe it is a vocational shift of some sort, and you are waiting for it to come to you. Maybe it's about a relationship you would like to see go deeper, but you are holding back till the other person makes a move. You get the picture. You want God to make something happen. (Of course, there are cases when one is called on to be patient, but let's make sure it is God doing the prompting and not simply a lack of initiative on our part.)
- Antidote: Look at the desire in your heart and ask God for grace to take the ini ...