Telling > Teaching > Training > Trusting

That’s the growth paradigm we unpack in Coach Training.

Seems so simple at first glance. It goes like this:

When a child is young we tell them, “You can’t cross the road!”

Then we teach them, “Don’t cross the road without looking - there may be cars coming!”

Training comes next, where we teach them to look both ways and ask them if there are cars coming.

Then comes the day when we trust them and let them ride their bike to a friend’s house on their own and eventually “confidently” give them car keys, etc.

Easy right?

But what about topics where the stakes are much higher.

How does it work with issues like choosing a mate, career choices, financial investments, or even walking out a life of faith?

Often when parents of adult children have questions or concerns they revert back to telling or teaching.

It’s easy to do.

You have such deep concern about your adult...

We all have them, or at least we should.

Good leaders want to hit the mark. They want to make a difference. They want to be worthy of following. Good leaders want to help others toward achieving clear goals and helping them get there in the best way possible.

That being said – here are five fears all good leaders have.

1. Fear of missing the mark.
2. Fear of being status quo.
3. Fear of leading people in the wrong direction, or maybe just not the best direction.
4. Fear of nebulous targets.
5. Fear of a floundering pathway.

These healthy “fears” should fuel good leaders toward good leadership!

Yet most of us have probably had experiences where the goals were not inspiring and action steps were not actually clear. Sometimes, it seems we need to go back to a document or email to remember where we were going or what we supposed to be doing.

Good Coach Training will clear up these concerns and alleviate these fears once and for all!

Before understanding the coaching...

So, what EXACTLY is Coaching?

I get this question a lot! Usually whispered under someone’s breath, but I get it - the reason they aren’t sure is that there are a few definitions out there and it’s not clear what’s what.

The word coaching originates with the concept of a stagecoach or a Cinderella-type coach, which takes people from one place to another.

ALL coaching does that –- takes people from one place to another.

Sports coaches take a team from the beginning of the season to the championship.

Consultants take a company from where they are to where they want to go.

Personal Trainers help people move from their current weight to an ideal one.

The big difference is HOW!

All the above may consider themselves coaches and they truly are taking people from one place or space to something new. The difference between this coaching and the kind we are talking about is that they do so by telling people what to do. They are experts and they are in charge of...

What if taking your care to the next level required less of you but was more effective?!

Is that even possible!

Caring for the young requires a lot from the caregiver.

• They need things done for them.
• They have to be taught about expectations.
• They need to practice to get things right.

It can be downright exhausting, but now that my kids are grown I am so proud of them. They feed themselves, tie their own shoes, read on their own etc. In fact my kids have mastered adulting and are having their own families and making an impact on the world! I’m so proud of them.

When they were young it wasn’t always easy, but as we taught them how to do things they grew and became more and more healthfully independent.

Our church family is like this, too.

When people are young in faith they need to have things done for them, be taught about expectations and they need practice to get things right.

As leaders it can be easy to get stuck thinking the people we are caring for are...

Everyone can use the coaching paradigm! Here’s 10 reasons why:

10) You don’t have to know everything for everyone.

Leaders who tell have to know what’s best for every situation and each person in order to be effective. That’s a lot of stuff to know! (And what if you aren’t right?)

9) People love it when you focus on them.

Active listening is highest form of loving someone. When the focus is on the other person there is a lot less pressure on the coach to solve issues. It is way easier to be curious, trust the Holy Spirit and listen than to have to diagnose and prescribe.

8) Relationship trumps regimen every time.

God designed us to be in relationship with Him and others. When we reduce leadership to telling people what to do, we can easily “cookie cutter” people by categorizing them and offering a rules pathway to results rather than connecting relationally to walk through life with them.

7) Anyone can do it.

Tools needed for coaching are a...

I’m not really sure if this guy is a hermit or not. In fact when I looked for a photo to use I had to search on the word “Lonely” instead of hermit. (I only got crabs when I searched using “hermit”.)

Next I thought I would make a list of stereo typical things people think about hermits but the only universal one I could come up with is they don’t interact with other people much or at all.

So what’s that got to do with coach training?

Let me back up a bit and give you a few reasons people take coach training.

• They want to enhance their leadership skills and help their people grow.
• They heard coaching is Biblical and they want to check it out.
• They want to be better parents, and help their children take ownership for their lives.
• They are looking for tools to build better relational skills.
• They heard coaching helped others in their marriage and with other family relationships.

When marketing people ask me “Who would benefit from...

Sometimes I just want someone to TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!

Other times I’m on the receiving end of this statement.

Either way it’s a painful moment…

When someone is at that place they feel things like frustration, disconnection, hurt, despair and maybe most of all confusion. Somewhere inside us all we just want to do it right and to know exactly what that means.

If someone will just make “it” clear then we can do “it”. Then one of two things will happen- we will get the results we wanted or we won’t. If the later happens we can then blame the process and likely the person who gave it to us in the first place. If we do get the results we want we can keep going to that person to tell us what to do.

The New Covenant isn’t like this. In the New Covenant the plan is for us to go to God for ourselves and learn to hear from Him. In some ways I like the Old Covenant better where I could just pay someone to go to God and tell me what to do....

Leadership can be tough on a person. It’s hard to help your people along when they won’t listen, so here’s some tips to help. (And just in case you aren’t catching the sarcasm this is all tongue in cheek.)

1- Go to God for them.

Whether you are a pastor or parent, teacher, mentor or friend please keep in mind that you are adept in Bible reading and have had more experience praying. You’ve been a believer longer than the people you want to help, so it would be better if you just heard from God FOR them. Tell them what you think God is saying and then they will be less likely to mess up. And they will continue coming to you and you can tell them what you think God is saying.

This will save them the time and bother of learning to hear from God for themselves. Plus it keeps your finger on the pulse of where things are going so you can direct things the way you see fit.

2- Share your dream so they can get onboard.

You are the leader so lead. You decide what...

Are you looking for ways to shut someone down while they are sharing?!

Probably not, but it’s almost too easy to do without knowing.

Check out these tongue-in-check conversation killers to see if you are guilty of stifling a quality conversation.

1) One up their story – Your story is probably better or worse than theirs and likely a lot more interesting. So, see if you can get them to stop sharing by telling your similar story with more color or finesse. See if you can get them to feel guilty since your have gone through something far more difficult or silly for celebrating since your deal was grander!

2) Interrupt – Cut to the chase by finishing their sentences for them. This will save time and keep them from having to find words that truly express what they are thinking or feeling.

3) Jump to conclusions – You probably know what’s going on in their life better than they do, so go ahead and decide in advance of hearing them out. This will help them...