More On Your Middle!
Last time we talked about middles - how are all likely in one, or more, and how we can go through them well if we are intentional.
Once we have identified our middle - where we have come from and where we are going, we have a choice to grit our teeth and wait it out, or we can lean into what God has on offer for us in our middle. (If you missed the last blog you can find it here.)
Instead of being angsty, you can have supernatural trust. Trust and faith only work when there is risk...
Instead of giving in to depression, you can shake it off and choose joy. It may not feel real at first, but true joy happens in spite of circumstances, not as a result of them.
Instead of confused, you can ask God for clarity. You can lean into what He wants you to know in this season, not just know about it, but experience it. (More info in the recommended books below!)
Instead of it feeling l o n n n g, you can rest in the waiting. Where is there beauty around you? What are you thankful for? How ca...
What Do You Want Your Middle To Look Like?
Middles are important!
They are, in essence, a type of bridge. A bridge connects one place to another. A middle does the same.
They can span the gap between one job and another, one relationship and the next, hurt and healing, an end to a beginning or a beginning to an end, and more.
Are you in a middle right now?
Most people are inn one way or another. So the question remains: What do you want your middle to look like?
Here are some options it could look like.
1) Angsty - It feels "responsible" to worry. I mean if wherever you are headed is important to you, shouldn't you be "concerned" about it.
2) Depressing - It can be overwhelming to think of how far it is to get there. The costs scream at you, "Is this really worth it?"
3) Confusing - You may not know exactly what got you into this middle, or you may not know exactly where it is that you will be when it is over.
4) Long - Usually there is not a clear deadline to the end of a middle. If you knew "it" would be over in a fe...
Alright! Let's Get Going! (Walk with me on my real-life journey!)
In this blog we will be looking at A- action steps on the Coaching ROAD, but first a quick overview and some bonus links if if you like.
R- recognize = choosing a focus.
O - ownership = identifying and removing obstacles
A - action steps = building the actual plan
D - dedication = maintaining the gain
I want to share a current journey I am taking down the Coaching ROAD. Many of you know I am working full-time at Bridges again. I am LOVING it, but it comes with some challenges as well. My office is in our home and I love that too, but honestly, I can lose steam during the day sometimes and I find myself doing other things instead of what I meant to be doing (I guess I am like the Apostle Paul in that way - see Romans 7).
Here is my embarrassing distraction disclosure list: daydreaming, (the dreaded) scrolling, making dinner, cleaning, working on something funner than what I intended to be working on, texting, playing Township, calling my mom... Okay, some of them are worthier d...
Tackling The "If Only" Hurdle (O in the Coaching ROAD)
What if you could see your "if only" as a hurdle not a closed gate?
What's an "if only"? I'm glad you asked!
"If only's" are the mental obstacles that come up when you think about forward movement.
In Coach Training we categorize them in past, present, and future. They sound like this:
Past: If only I...
- grew up in a different family.
- hadn't gone through that trauma.
- didn't make that decision.
Present: If only I...
- had more money.
- had more time.
- could connect with that one person or org.
Future: If only I...
- had a better promo plan.
- knew how long it would last.
- knew it would work.
Here's the thing. "If only's" rob us of what could be. They are like a chasm; we can build bridges to get over them. "If only's" are excuses that have dug a rut in our thought patterns. They are the obstacles we come up against when we think about the goal we want to move toward.
We've been talking about the Coaching ROAD. First comes R- recognizing the focus we want to pursue. ...
The "D" Word: step One on the Bridges Coaching ROAD
In Bridges Coaching, we use a process called the ROAD. It is an acronym for moving forward. It begins with R for Recognition.
It all starts here. We can not move forward if we have not identified the goal. No one uses a GPS on a Sunday drive. Life is not simply a Sunday drive. God asks us to partner with Him toward the individual goals and personal destiny in mind for each of us.
There are two types of foci God wants us to move toward.
- Character development. This is the transformational process every believer should be intentionally partnering in, some would call it sanctification or discipleship. Character development includes focus on the fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control and how we live them out in real life. It welcomes healthy interactions with others- believers and pre-believers, family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. It includes a regular practice of personal soul care and is built on a st ...
Step 2: Now What?
So, you have a goal, a place you want to build a bridge to, but now what?
(If you missed that blog - start there.)
Most times when we finally decide to do something we jump straight into building action steps. And while I love me some action steps, there's an important foundational step we need to do before we go there.
It has to do with assessing your starting place.
Taking time to discern any possible obstacles will set you up for success better than simply jumping right into action steps. You need to ask yourself if there has been anything that has held you back in the past from moving forward in whatever area you are focusing on.
If there are lies that need to be replaced you can start there.
If you have a history of not following through, it is worth looking in to so you can set yourself up for complete follow-through this time.
If you deal with blame or excuse, it will be important to address those pitfalls before you start anything.
Some people call this "ownership" an...
Step 4: Perhaps The Most Neglected But Most Valuable
So let's say you did it!
You achieved your goal!
You lost the weight or developed the new habit. You removed the lie and embraced the truth. You navigated a difficult conversation or built a bridge to a better relationship.
Whatever you did it took work!
Whatever you did it was worth the effort!
But now what? If your goal was not a project you were completing, you are susceptible to falling right back into your old ways. After all, you have spent more of your life doing whatever you did before than you have doing it the new way.
Just because you did it once, or even a few times, does not make it your new normal - yet.
(And even if the goal you achieved was completing a project of sorts, some of the following principles will still apply.)
What will it take to maintain your gain?l
At Bridges Coaching, we like to use two methods - Intentional Evaluation and Feedback. You can decide which would best suit your situation.
Intentional Evaluation is something you can do on your own...
How Will You Celebrate? (And what will you celebrate?!)
Life is a journey. We have a final destination and lots of big and little milestones along the way.
Unless we don't.
It is possible to just drift through life... Drifting is like living in rote, doing the same things over and over without taking notice - without celebrating milestones, planning for new memories, or moving toward valued goals.
Sometimes I personally miss celebrating and just move on to the next goal without stopping to acknowledge what just happened! How sad. I'm embarrassed to say that living in the moment is often hard for me, even when I am with family I am envisioning how long it will be till we get to be together again.
Good coaching includes planning for celebration!
First, we need to choose a worthy goal like:
- Completing that project
- Making that appointment
- Planning a gathering
- Working a new habit in
- Focusing on a character goal (yes, even those can be coached!)
Then we work the system and adjust as needed. (See the demystifying SMART goals blog f...
4 Simple Steps to Get There - Use the Coaching ROAD
Helping people help people is what Bridges Coaching is all about! If you are in the business of helping it can be easy to take responsibility for other people’s forward movement, but even God offers free will. That is why coach training is so valuable!
Here is a pathway of simple questions that can benefit both you and the people you work with. Let’s take a conversational trip on the Bridges Coaching ROAD:
Recognition-Ownership-Action-Dedication.
R = Recognition
Sometimes the “Ah ha” moment a person is looking for can be as simple as figuring out what they are really trying to figure out. God is always moving us toward alignment with His purposes in our lives and our world. People may ramble in conversation and helping them move forward may be as simple as asking some directed questions:
What is it that you really want to focus on?
Friends of this question could be: What is the core issue? or What is the question you need answered?
In any event, this is the stage where you esta...