Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.
They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.
Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.
When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.
It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:
- We would...
Let's take a quick look at the biblical definition of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says,
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
Benevolent Detachment is patient - it doesn't rush the other person to make a decision or take an action step.
Benevolent Detachment actually IS kind. We talked about that last time.
Benevolent Detachment is not jealous. It doesn't look at where others are at and wish for what they have, it is being consciously grateful for what we do have.
Benevolent Detachment does not brag and is not proud. It doesn't show off or compare, "If you want to know what I think..."
Benevolent Detachment is not rude, it doesn't butt in...
Ever just want to shake someone? I have.
Okay, maybe not physically, but I have wanted so badly to help someone SEE something. It's mind-boggling to me how tolerant people can be of difficult circumstances they could actually do something about!
If I'm honest I've wanted to shake myself at times as well!
You'd think the low experience would be enough for a wake-up call, but no. We keep doing the same thing over and over, and not adopting the new thing we know would be better for us.
What was God thinking when He gave us free will?
Apparently, this is not a new phenomenon. Paul says in Romans 7:15
I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate.
But then later in Romans 12:2, he says,
Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will...
I am LOVING John Eldridge’s Pause App prompts and the new 30 Days to Resilient plan! (I just completed my first round and am excited to repeat the whole thing!)
That’s where I first heard about Benevolent Detachment.
If you aren’t sure what that is a quick definition includes, in Eldridge’s words, “releasing everyone and everything to Him.” It’s the art of letting God be God and letting go of our compulsion to change people or situations. It involves a combination of a rooted perspective of who God is in our lives, mixed with a healthy understanding of free will, prayer, and trust in God to be there for us and for others.
When we fix our attention on what’s wrong in our lives, other’s lives, or our world - our attention is not where it needs to be. On Jesus.
Benevolent Detachment is a reminder to hit the refresh button in our souls. To close our eyes to the world around us and the chatter within us and commune with Him...
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