I'm learning to discern more. You'd think I'd be better at it by now, but it turns out I'm still learning. For me, following my heart means having the "courage" to call things out when I see them. I have the compulsion to set things right. I feel culpable to say what I see, especially as a leader. I almost always feel I am missing the mark if I don't say something when I hear or see something out of line.
(Feels kind of judgy when I say it like that... maybe because it sometimes is judgy and that's where the Pendulum Process needs to come in!)
Is it always right to say something?
Is it never right to step in?
Sometimes it is "courage" that is needed and I do indeed need to speak up. After all, Proverbs 9:8b says,
"... But correct the wise, and they will love you."
Yet, at other times we are encouraged to be wise by not speaking up. Proverbs 10:19b says,
"...if you are wise, you will keep quiet."
So what's a gal to do? Let's take a look at the Pendulum...
Ever feel like someone put you on a hard pause when that "thing" happened? It's like they can't let you move forward. You feel marked forever as not able to do whatever you messed up on.
Or maybe you put yourself on a hard pause and said you will never try "that" again?
Or one more, maybe have you put someone else on a hard pause and in your heart thought "they can't really..."?
At Bridges Coaching, we call this Freeze Framing. It's like when you hit the pause button on a video and the person is stuck as they are, frozen, not able to move forward. The swirling thoughts are all negative and limiting. They don't allow for growth, change, or transformation.
I'll be honest. I have done it myself. I've wondered if I could finish projects, learn new skills, incorporate new habits, be more thoughtful, have patience, or be more...
I'm embarrassed to say that I've freeze framed others as well. I've not asked them to do something they weren't great at the first time, or avoided getting...
We've all been there... had times when something happened to us? Or when we dropped the ball on a priority or responsibility?
So, whether you are dealing with a trauma or a recurring obstacle, a circumstance outside your control, or perhaps just a practice you want to have that you can't figure out have to make part of your actual life, you know what? God is not surprised!
In fact, He loves to meet us where we are at and help us along our way to the nexts He has for us. In Bridges Coaching, we use the Always Circle to help people know where they need to go next.
Jesus said, "In this world, you WILL have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world." John 16:33b
He confirmed there will always be stuff.
BUT God also promises that He gives us a way out of temptation (1 Corinthian 10:13) and that He IS guiding us (Proverbs 4:11).
Good coaching helps people see what God is offering them!
Then the rest is up to us!...
Helping people help people is what Bridges Coaching is all about! If you are in the business of helping it can be easy to take responsibility for other people’s forward movement, but even God offers free will. That is why coach training is so valuable!
Here is a pathway of simple questions that can benefit both you and the people you work with. Let’s take a conversational trip on the Bridges Coaching ROAD:
Sometimes the “Ah ha” moment a person is looking for can be as simple as figuring out what they are really trying to figure out. God is always moving us toward alignment with His purposes in our lives and our world. People may ramble in conversation and helping them move forward may be as simple as asking some directed questions:
What is it that you really want to focus on?
Friends of this question could be: What is the core issue? or What is the question you need answered?
In any event, this is...
Shawn's email was an honest inquiry about coach training. He wondered what he should be looking for in coach training and asked if I could chat. So we did.
I looked over the coach training org he was interested in and noted a few things he should ask. If you are considering coach training you should be asking these questions too!
1- How many certifications, programs, or tracks do you need to take in order to actually coach people?
This was a problem for me when I took my initial coach training. I'd finish one certification and they would hold out the next as a "must-do" before coaching. After your first coach training with Bridges, you will be fully prepared to offer an actual coaching session.
2- Will all your training be with a facilitator, or are you ever left on your own?
Many coach training orgs have you "practice" coaching with a peer or fellow trainee. If your sessions are not observed or supervised this can actually be a harmful way to learn as you could be practicing poor...
It's true. Sometimes coaching is not the best option.
Of course, I'm a big fan, and coaching is likely best more often than we all use it, but there are times when it is not the best or right tool to use.
1- When someone needs to be taught something.
Recently one of our Next Level Coach trainees was talking about how his coachee didn't know what a SMART goal was. (If you are not sure check out our blog Demystifying SMART goals.) It's hard to help a client set a good goal when they are not sure of the parameters. In this case, it would be appropriate to "take off your coach's hat" for a time, give a brief explanation, and then ask clarifying questions that would help someone make a SMART goal.
Or maybe the teaching would be more in the form of a story. Many people deal with lies or limiting beliefs that hold them back from moving forward in all God has for them. In fact, I would go so far as to say most people deal with these. If someone is unclear on...
Wherever you are in life - God wants to meet you there and walk with you toward your next!
He is always for us, He is nearer than we realize and He has good plans for how to move forward no matter what we are facing.
You may be in a season of transition - many of us are these days.
Or maybe you have had that one thing on your mind for a long time, maybe so long it only whispers to you now.
Can I just encourage you? DON'T STAY STUCK!
If you are not moving forward let it be because you believe God wants you to wait on something, or because you feel He has led you to a season of active rest.
But don't let it be because you are stuck or you have given up.
I've seen both Coaching and Counseling work for various end goals, but in general, the focus of Counseling is the past and the direction of coaching is the future.
The question usually comes down to the issue at hand. What are you facing right now?
Is there something you...
Ever wonder "When"? Or maybe you are stuck on "If"?
Is now the time? Should it wait? Should it happen at all?
Here are 6 clarifying questions you can use for yourself or to help someone else discern timing!
1) What would a "yes" give you?
If you said yes to this option, how would it benefit you in the end?
What is the value add you are hoping for? Is moving forward worth it?
Sometimes you can tell a lot by exploring the gain you would receive. If you find yourself explaining how good this could be, maybe that is a sign.
2) How would a "no" or "not right now" feel?
Is this something you would want to put off, or something you have been putting off?
Do you feel relief when you think of not doing it now, or not doing it ever, or do you feel convicted that it is something you simply need to do?
If there is a sense of sadness, or of missing out, when you think of not doing it at all, that could also be the telltale sign you need that...
Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.
They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.
Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.
When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.
It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:
- We would...
"It doesn't work like that...."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...
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