Too much grace isn't grace at all
"She comes across a little strong, don't you think? Shouldn't we just love people where they are? After all, love covers a multitude of sins."
"Yeah, but don't you think she'd want to know? Faithful are the wounds of a friend."
Have you ever been part of that conversation? Both people are quoting Scripture, and both are right. That's what makes it so hard.
This is step two of the Pendulum Process: discuss both sides.
On one side is truth. Honest feedback can show someone a blind spot and spark a real "aha" moment. But truth pushed over the edge becomes bluntness without timing or care. I've been there. Years ago I removed a dancer from a role in a drama without much discussion because she couldn't get the part right. I was right about the timing. I was wrong about how I handled her, and it hurt her.
On the other side is grace. Grace lets things go, refuses to be offended, and leaves room for people to grow. But grace pushed over the edge becomes silence, or even abdication. A friend once asked me, years after we'd been in school together, why I never told her that her clothes didn't match. She was hurt that I hadn't cared enough to say something.
Too much grace isn't really grace at all. Sometimes it's fear, avoidance, or not knowing how to speak up well.
What helped me most is a principle from Tony Stoltzfus: just because you see something doesn't mean you need to say it. Pausing to pray before I speak has helped me discern which side of the pendulum the moment calls for.
So here are this week's questions:
- Which side do you naturally lean toward, truth or grace?
- Is there something you've been holding back that might actually be kind to share?
- Is there something you've been saying that might be better released in prayer?
- Who could you invite to give you honest feedback?
Both sides belong inside the pendulum. The goal isn't to pick one. It's to ask God which one this moment needs.
P.S. The book cover is finally here! What If It's Not Black and White? releases November 17. Join the launch list to be the first to know.
Recent Posts
Categories
All Categoriesbiblical model for discipleship
build bridges to what could be
building bridges to what could be
coaching employment opportunities
coaching questions for the dinner table
dealing with the stuff of life
every job is a 6 letter job - patrick lencioni
helping others help themselves
helping people help themselves
helping people write their stories
leadership coach certification
retirees looking for meaningful connection
the relationship is the conversation