No one ever? Anyone always?

biblical coaching black and white thinking discernment generosity hearing god pendulum process Oct 08, 2026

Last time I asked you to notice where you've been swinging. This week I'll go first.

When I walk by a homeless person, I tend to just keep walking.

Please don't write to tell me how cold that is until you've read the rest! I'm telling you my natural tendency, not my best moment. In my head it sounds reasonable. There are missions in every city offering a real way out. Handing over food or money feels like helping someone avoid the harder answer. I even have verses that support my thinking. Jesus said, "You will always have the poor with you." Paul wrote, "Anyone who refuses to work should not eat."

If I let those thoughts run to their extreme, they land here: give to no one, ever.

Now let me tell you about a guy from our church. I'll call him Keith. Keith has thought about setting up a tent city in his backyard for anyone who needs it. He regularly gives food to people in need, and he runs a food truck that is free, no questions asked.

Keith has verses too. The Good Samaritan. John the Baptist saying, "If you have two shirts, share with the person who does not have one."

Run Keith's thinking all the way to its edge and it lands here: give to anyone, always.

Here's what I've had to admit. Neither edge works.

"No one ever" excuses me from asking whether God has anything for me to do with the person in front of me. "Anyone always" runs out of resources fast, and it can cost a family that keeps coming second.

The bigger problem is what happens between Keith and me. I can look at him and think he's giving without counting the cost. He can look at me and wonder why I don't take Jesus at His word. We both have Scripture. We both think we're right. And we're both judging each other's hearts.

The first step of the Pendulum Process is simple: define the extremes. Say out loud what "too far" looks like on your side, and on the other side.

Something surprising happens when you do. Once I can say, "I know 'no one ever' is wrong," Keith can relax, because he knows I see my edge. Once he can say, "I know 'anyone always' isn't sustainable," I can relax too. We stop defending and start listening.

Keith will always have a bigger heart for people in need than I do. I'll probably always be more practical than he is. I need him so I don't get stuck. I hope he needs people like me, too.

When we see anything as always or never, we take discernment out of the picture. We don't have to ask God anything. We already know.

So here's this week's challenge. Pick one area where you feel strongly, and ask yourself:

What is my "always" or my "never"?
What would the opposite extreme sound like?
Who is my Keith, the person whose lean is different from mine?

You don't have to change your mind. Just name the edges. More on what goes in the middle next time, and in my new book.

Until then: what if it's not black and white?

No one ever? Anyone always?

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