How Do You Actually Maintain the Gain?
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Tags: coaching tools, road model, dedication, maintain the gain, christian coaching, coach training
Most change doesn't fail on day one. It fails around day seventeen.
The first conversation goes great. Someone recognizes what's really going on, takes ownership of their part, and commits to a concrete action. And it works — for a while. Then life gets loud again, the old pattern feels easier, and slowly, without anyone deciding to quit, the gain disappears.
Dedication is the "D" in ROAD, and it might be the most overlooked of all four letters, because by the time you get here, the hard emotional work already feels done. It isn't.
The parable that's really about this
In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the parable of the sower — seed scattered on different kinds of ground. Some of it springs up quickly on rocky soil, looks promising, and then withers because it "has no root." That image has stuck with me for years, because it describes almost every failed New Year's resolution, every b...
Insight Isn't the Finish Line
Some of the best conversations I've ever had ended with absolutely nothing changing.
Someone had a real breakthrough. You could see it — the shift in their face, the "I never thought about it that way" moment. And then... life happened, the week got busy, and three months later, they're right back where they started.
That's what happens when a conversation stops at insight and never makes it to Action — the "A" in ROAD.
Why a good "aha" moment isn't enough
An aha moment feels like progress, and in a way, it is. Recognizing something new about your situation and taking ownership of your part in it are both real, necessary steps. But insight without action is just an interesting thought you had once. James put it plainly: "Do not merely listen to the word... Do what it says" (James 1:22). Understanding something and living differently because of it are two separate steps, and the gap between them is where most good intentions quietly die.
The trap of "someday"
Vague resolve doesn't...
Whose Job Is It to Actually Change?
It sounds loving. It often comes from a genuinely loving place. But it also happens to be the fastest way to keep someone dependent instead of helping them grow.
Ownership is the "O" in ROAD, and it might be the hardest letter of the four — because it asks you to care deeply about someone's outcome while refusing to carry it for them.
Care without carrying
There's a real tension here, and Scripture actually holds both sides of it. Galatians 6:2 tells us to "carry each other's burdens." A few verses later, Galatians 6:5 says "each one should carry their own load." Both are true at the same time. Support is real. But so is the fact that some things are simply not yours to carry.
Ownership is the practice of telling the difference — in the moment, in a real conversation — between
...The Skill Most People Skip: Learning to Actually Recognize What's Going On
We've all been there.
Someone starts venting to you. Within about ten seconds, you already know what they should do.
Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. But here's what I've noticed after years of coaching conversations: the moment you jump to a solution, you've usually skipped the most important step in the whole conversation — helping the person actually recognize what's going on.
Recognition is the "R" in the ROAD framework we teach at Bridges — Recognition, Ownership, Action, Dedication. It's the step almost everyone skips, because it feels like the slow part. It isn't the part where anything gets fixed. It's the part where someone finally sees clearly.
Why skipping this step backfires
Think about the last time someone gave you advice before you'd even finished explaining your situation. It probably didn't land — not because the advice was bad, but because you weren't done recognizing the problem yet. You were still figuring out what was actually going on underneath it all.
...What If "It" Would Make All The Difference? All 6 Reporter Questions
If you have ever thought about coach training, or even never thought about it, these Q's are for you!
1. WHO should consider coach training?
If you are a parent, pastor, marketplace leader, small group leader, have neighbors, or family relationships, coach training can enhance every conversation and enable your influence to have a deep kingdom effect!
Want more: Why Hermits Don't Need Coach Training (And Five Reasons Other People Love It!)
2. WHAT does it cover?
Coach Training includes a foundational study of Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions, then goes on to the principles given in the ROAD acronym. The power of Recognizing what to focus on, the empowering personal agency of Ownership, developing Action Steps, and then maintaining the gain of Dedication.
All these tools can be used in casual conversation as well as coaching sessions.Â
3. WHEN would be a good time to take it?
Maybe that is a question only you can answer, but I will say that if you wait until you ha...
Does True Coaching Include Coaxing?
Merriam-Webster defines coaxing as: the act of gently and persistently persuading someone to do something using patience, kindness, flattery, or encouragement. Instead of using force or coercion, it involves appealing to someone's emotions or offering small incentives to overcome their reluctance.
So, does coaching include coaxing? The answer isn't as clean-cut as you may think.
A coach is a thinking partner. Their job is to come alongside someone to create a conversational space where the person can move forward in an area they choose to focus on. Remember, the word coaching comes from the idea of forward movement. "Coaching" from one place to another - like a stagecoach taking people from one place to another.Â
The person chooses to get coached to move from where they are to another place. That place could include anything from a specific project goal to a mindset shift, or from making a quality decision to walking through a transitional season l. Truly, any forward movement can ...
Change Happens Two Ways - And Three Ways We Address It
Subject: Change Happens Two Ways - And Three Ways We Address It
Change happens by Decision and Imposition. That's how I see it. Put another way, transition happens by choice or by chance through a situation God can use.
Let's look at each.
#1 Change can happen when we make choices.Â
Our decisions lead to transitions. It can be as simple as choosing a different breakfast or as complex as changing careers and moving to a new location. Â
When we stop making choices to change, we stop growing.
Discipleship is a transformational process that requires shifts. Shifts in thinking and in doing, and shifts in how we manage our thoughts and emotions. It is how we process the stuff of life, which brings us to our next thought.
#2 Change can be imposed on us when stuff happens.
The "stuff" can be something we hoped for, like a promotion or a new relationship, but it can also be something we feared, like a difficulty. Maybe an event at work prompts an unwelcome transition. Inflation causes...
How Freeze-Framing Stalls Forward Movement
"Freeze-framing" as a coaching concept may be a term that my husband and I made up. I really can't remember (and I even tried googling it), but no matter the origin, the gist of it is quite helpful.Â
In a movie or video, freeze-framing is when the projection stops on one particular moment, and the show does not move forward. You only see one frame in still life.Â
Our thoughts toward situations can be like that. We can freeze the forward movement, so to speak, and not be able to see what could happen if there were movement.Â
We freeze-frame others when we think of them as not being able to change or grow. We use words like always or never in our thoughts about them. It sounds like, "Well, she'll never change. She never speaks up.", or "He just has a quick temper, you can't really trust him." You get the picture?
We can freeze-frame situations or organizations in the same way. "It's just like that. There's nothing we can do." Entire communities, countries, or cultures can be locked i...
How to Go Deeper with Advanced Coaching Concepts
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There are multiple types of "Aha" moments available in coaching. Let's look at a few together:
- Choosing a specific focus when there were many worthy options to consider.
- Making a quality SMART goal.Â
- Recognizing a mindset that has been holding you back.
- Developing a plan to "maintain your gain" and keep up with the new habit or whatever you worked toward.
Like we talked about last time, having a coaching mindset starts with Active Listening and Asking Empowering questions. At its core, coaching culture chooses to put the other person first and prioritize what they are sharing.Â
We can do this as friends. We honor our family when we focus on whatever is important to them in a conversation.Â
Regular conversations are different. They can be two friends doing life together by sharing experiences and insights. They can be family chats sharing the highs and lows of life, or resolving scheduling issues. They can even be problem-solving in a group setting.
Most of the above deal...
Two Natural Responses that are NOT Coachy
Coaching is defined as a set of conversational tools (and even conversational rules - or best practices) that can be used to aid someone as they discern their next steps.
In faith-based coaching, that means believing the Holy Spirit IS guiding the other person, and our job is to create a safe space for them to focus on one area and talk it out.Â
In our initial training, Life Coach Certification, we build on the foundational pillars of Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions. That's one of the reasons our tagline at Bridges is: making disciples, not dependents. We don't want to tell people what to do; rather, we want to help them feel confident about pursuing the next step in their personal faith journey.
We encourage these trainees to practice their coaching skills by doing 3 things.Â
1- Guiding their coachee to choose a singular focus.
2- Talking less than 20% of the time in a coaching session.
3- Completing the session with an agreed-upon action step - even if that step ...