Two SIMPLE Phrases That Flip The Conversation To A Coaching Mindset
There is a skill set to coaching, to be sure, but more than a skill set, coaching is a mindset.
More than following a formula, coaching* has to do with a heart posture that believes God's Spirit endwells people and is guiding each of us on our own unique journey. A good coach is a thinking partner who offers a safe space to process your pathway out loud. They are cheerleaders and sometimes mirror holders. They believe in your ability to work through whatever life has thrown at you, to do new things, to work through obstacles, and to follow through when the going gets tough.
Two super simple phrases that can be a game-changer in a coaching session or a conversation.
1) Tell me more.
Tell me more - offers the person replying to go anywhere they want to go in what they share next. In fact, they may not even know until they keep talking what they need to "get out" there to discuss.
Proverbs 20:5 says, "People’s thoughts can be like a deep well, but someone with understanding can find the wisdom there."
"Tell me more" does not require the coach to come up with some brilliant question that guides the person being coached to an "Aha" moment. It simply opens up the conversation.
It also keeps the listener from double processing, which is trying to think where the conversation should go while the person is sharing, rather than giving full attention and offering presence.
2) I wonder if...
We get the question about what a good coach should do if they have an idea for forward movement. Is it okay to offer suggestions or advice? There is a mixed answer here. Whenever possible, it is best for the person being coached to come up with the ideas, but there are plenty of occasions when the coach has experience or education in the goal area being considered. After allowing space for the person to come up with possibilities, sharing a possibility can spark a next step. Using "I wonder if..." at the onset of such a share keeps the mindset in coaching rather than "telling".
One must have an open-handed heart attitude when sharing an "I wonder if..." rather than coming in to quickly with an answer. The proof will be if the person being offered the idea truly feels they have the agency not to pursue that course.
So, the next time you are truly listening to someone and coming alongside them as a thinking partner ot help they move forward, try one or both of these phrases and see where it takes you.
Coaching helps you help others move toward what God has for them in big decisions, habit shifts, project completion, interpersonal resolution, and more.
I wonder if you would be interested in learning about coaching. (See what I did there?)
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*Coaching as defined by the International Coaching Federation and Christian Coaches Network International,