Decisions Come From One of Two Places
In our journey of coaching people better by knowing their Myers-Briggs makeup our third letters are T & F, for Thinking and Feeling. (First, we had I/E for Introversion and ExtroversionĀ and then N/S for INtuitive and Sensor,)
Do you know your letters?
I'm an INTJ - Introverted INtuitive Thinker and Judger (more on the 4th letters next time). My husband is ENFJ, so I know a lot about the other letters since we differ on almost all of them.Ā
Let's talk about T & F. Thinking and Feeling refers to how we make our decisions. Thinkers make decisions from logic. I used to think Feelers made their decisions from emotion and that bothered me because emotions can change, but turns out I was wrong. Feelers make their decisions based on values. Let me explain.
Thinkers look at the facts. They calculate efficiency and cost for effect while factoring in variables to come up with what they feel is the best (most logical) option.
Feelers look at the values. They consider who will be affected and...
It's All About The Timing Orientation (N & S in Myers-Briggs)
People are so different! God designed us that way :) Learning to discern how we were designed and how others differ can be one of the most valuable insights we can have personally. (You can learn more in our Destiny by Design course!)Ā
Our focus today is the N and S orientation in Myers-Briggs. What does the N and S stand for? I'm so glad you asked.Ā
N = Intuitive (since they already used "I" for Introversion they chose "N" for Intuitive.)
S = Sensor
Here are the definitions.Ā
Intuitives are future-oriented. They think about what could be. Sometimes they live in a world of what could be, or even what should be. They are often dreaming or thinking of how things should change to move things toward a preferred norm. Intuitives may have a more difficult time living in the present, being content with things as they are, or sometimes even celebrating incremental change. They usually live in the future more than the present and want to implement change through innovation.
Sensors are pr...
4 Reasons I Don't Really Like Coaching...
Bet you didn't ever think I would have a list of reasons titledĀ "Why I don't really like coaching?"
(And why God has better plans than me.)
Here is the honest truth.
1) I would rather have someone tell me what to do. It's hard work having to discern on my own. It would just be easier to have a go-to person who would talk out loud to me and give me step-by-step instructions.
(Turns out God wants a personal relationship with me and for me to have a growing adult relationship with HIm.)
2) I want to be that person for others all the time. I want to tell them what I think. I often feel people are being too risky, or taking too long to move forward, or not counting all the costs... a dozen things. It would be way easier to just share my brilliance than to help them discern the next steps God is guiding them toward.
(But what if? What if their risk tolerance is higher than mine because God made them that way and He IS guiding them toward that choice? What if I am being impatient with t...
Paul Used Questions Too...
Chapter 2 of Philippians starts with a list of questions.
Does your life in Christ give you strength? Does his love comfort you? Do we share together in the spirit? Do you have mercy and kindness?Ā
This verse always makes me pause and think. Does my life in Christ give me strength? In all honesty, sometimes I don't feel strong. I feel like I am not up to all that is on my plate or on my mind...
Then I look at the comfort question - I'm challenged there too. I'm one of those people who doesn't spend too much time thinking about how I feel, but then I spiral into overwhelm because I didn't read the warning signs...Ā
What Paul could have done was just make statements. That would have gone somethingĀ like this:
You should be strong because life in Christ gives you what you need. You should feel comfort and share in the Spirit, as well as have experience receiving and giving mercy and kindness.
I'm quite sure that if that verse was presented like that I would not pause and think t...
Questions of Jesus - when there could have just been a tell...
Let's continue our study on how Jesus regularly used questions. (He also really liked stories - are you seeing that?)
Here are some of the questions Jesus used when He could have just made statements.
Then Jesus said to them,Ā āI ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath day: to do good or to do evil, to save a life or to destroy it?ā Luke 6:9
Ā
They had no money to pay what they owed, but the banker told both of them they did not have to pay him. Which person will love the banker more?ā Luke 7:42
A pair of my personal favorites that we talk more about in coach training:
One time when Jesus was praying alone, his followers were with him, and he asked them,Ā āWho do the people say I am?ā Luke 9:18
Then Jesus asked,Ā āBut who do you say I am?āĀ Peter answered, āYou are the Christ from God.ā Luke 9:20
Let's take a closer look at this last example for today. Jesus is talking to the man we know as the rich young ruler who asks Him what he must to to inherit eternal life and Jesus ...
What Jesus Could Have Said... a one chapter snapshot
Jesus loved to ask questions. He often replied to questions with questions or used questions to teach.Ā
Questions get people thinking.
Let's take a look at just one chapter of the Bible and see how Jesus used this tool.Ā
Luke 20 finds Jesus in the temple teaching.
In Luke 20:3 Jesus is answering a question about where His authority comes from and He says, "I will also ask you a question. Tell me: When John baptized people, was that authority from God or just from other people?"
Jesus could have simply answered the question. He could have said, "My authority comes from God, who is my Father. He and I are one with the Holy Spirit."Ā
Why do you think He didn't just say it clearly like that?
He goes on to tell a story of a vineyard owner and his son.
(Side note: Jesus often told stories and then just walked away - I would have probably taken great pains to explain the story and make sure the listeners "got it".Ā Do you think He just trusted the Holy Spirit to reveal the meaning?)
...Do You Really Want To Go There?
Core Competency #8: Facilitates Client Growth
Coaching is all about choosing a targeted focus, exploring options, and setting SMART goals to move forward, but it's not always a straight line from here to there.
Good coaching goes under the surface and helps the client with more than simply what to do. A masterful coach assists their client by helping look "under the hood" so to speak. Helping someone understand why they are hesitant or worried or not good at counting the cost can be just as helpful as choosing action steps. Probably even more helpful.
If we can come alongside someone as they probe the depths of who they are, we can provide a safe place to nurture what is lacking, heal where there has been hurt, uncover unhealthy thought patterns and more.Ā
I've seen this in my own life. When I uncovered my tendency to skip the discerning part of the WorkingĀ Genius productivity modelĀ Ā I saw how I had invested so much time, and even money, into projects IĀ never really bothered to di...
What Kind Of An "Aha" Are You Looking For?
Coaching Core Competency #7: Evokes Awareness
Have you ever heard people talking about an "Aha" moment? They look different for different people and even different for the same person at different times.
Here are a few I can think of:
- "Oh, that's what I should do!"
- "I see now, I am believing a lie, that's what has been holding me back!"
- "Yeah, I need to wait on that."
-"What if I just started with one small step?"
-"Maybe I should get some help with that."
These are all actually "Aha" moments I have had personally. Here are a few more:
"I see a pattern here... IĀ have thought that before."
"Oh! God wants to reveal Himself to me in a new way here!"
"I think I just need to try it and see if it works."
Aha moments are most often preceded by two things: a powerful question and space to talk it out.
The Coaching industry uses the words "powerful questions", at Bridges we often say "empowering questions" and lately I have been taking it a little further and saying "insightf...
Passion Week Devo - Heās Alive! Now what? [Sunday]
How would you answer that question? Now what?
Now that we have been rescued from the outcome we deserve ā separation from God on this earth and eventually hell ā we have an opportunity to celebrate each day!
Itās one thing to know and another thing to live out.
Remember the two disciples who walked with Jesus after his resurrection on the road to Emmaus? They were just living their regular lives, asking the same questions we all ask, wondering whether Jesus was really there for them.Ā And it was actually Jesus walking with them!
Then it happened.
āAs they sat down to eat, he took the bread and blessed it. Then he broke it and gave it to them. Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And at that moment he disappeared! They said to each other, āDidnāt our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?āā
What if Jesus has actually been walking with us and we didnāt even know it?
Today ā letās listen to our hearts right n...
Passion Week Devo - How can we wait well? [Saturday]
Have you ever waited for something and wondered what was going on? Iāve been in many situations where I thought something should be happening but I began to lose hope that it would ever turn out okay.
People wait for with great longing for:
o Ā A loved one to come to salvation
o Ā Financial breakthrough
o Ā A ministry or job opportunity
o Ā A spouse
o Ā Physical, emotional, or relational healing
Waiting can be one of the most difficult tasks we need to do. It saps your energy even though you may not need to actually be doing anything.
Iām not sure but I think waiting is hard because we have expectations that are not being met. We think āitā was supposed to happen sooner or come easier. āItā wasnāt supposed to look like what isĀ really happening.
The disciples were facing all these things on Saturday. The Jesus who did all the miracles was dead. They knew best of all about his supernatural abilities and so they likely wondered why he didnāt save himself. Their hopes of freedom f...