Ten Tips for Great Mentoring Relationships
As a former Bible college dean, I’ve had many young people ask for mentoring. For clarity’s sake, I learned to ask back what exactly they were looking for in a mentoring relationship.
Here’s some of the answers I received:
- I don’t know what I’m looking for, isn’t that what you are supposed to decide?
- Well, I just know I am supposed to have a mentor, so whatever you think is right is good by me.
- I need someone to tell me how to grow spiritually.
While I applauded their initiative for spiritual growth and there was some value in their ideology, in this paradigm the responsibility for their development was all placed on me. I felt I was supposed to design a pathway for their spiritual growth. They wanted me to discern what their next steps would be. And in some cases, there was a hope that I would use my influence to connect them with a ministry position. Their perspective was one where I would be the leader, the teacher, and the guide and they would come willing to receive.
Thi...
3 Ways to Deal with Reluctant/Resistant People
"It doesn't work like that...."
"I can't."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
1. Avoidance.
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...
Coaching isn't just for professionals! Is it time?
Seriously, have you ever actually considered coach training?
It's one thing to hear about the discipleship and growth concepts in coaching, but another to experience and know them.
OUR SUMMER COHORT IS FORMING NOW!
Maybe summer is your best time to lean in? Maybe it's time to invest in yourself and your kingdom impact?
Learn more here. Click the "Save your seat" button to connect with this summer's cohort facilitator Sarah!
(Registration closes May 31 - cohort starts June 5th)
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What To Do With Your Ed Allowance*?
How many workshops or conferences have you gone to?
What do you remember as life-changing?Â
I've been to quite a few and honestly what I remember is building relationships with the team I went with, or chewing on an idea one of us got from a teaching.
Here are SIX reasons Bridges Coach training could be your best next for growth!
#1 Understanding Coaching Culture is usually life-changing! (When was the last time you said that about a conference or workshop?)Â
Coaching, in essence, is the Biblical framework for discipleship. Once I started studying it, I saw it everywhere. My Bible is chock full of green highlighter, the color I chose just for coaching principles.
Jesus said, "His yoke was easy and His burden was light." When coaching principles are used conversationally, I can help people choose God's way for them without feeling the weight of their choice, or the cost of pushing out the timing of their resolution.
My interactions with others, at work and at home, are different ...
Imposter Syndrome: Two Myths & A Lie About Coaching
What is Coaching?Â
I get asked that a lot.
Maybe you've asked that as well, or you get asked that.Â
In the Coaching Culture certification course, we actually have a project where trainees have to give an elevator speech with their version of the answer. (An elevator speech is having an answer you can share with someone in the time it takes for an elevator ride.)
The ICC, International Coaching Community, website puts it succinctly like this:Â
Coaching has been defined in many ways. The essence of coaching is:
- To help a person change in the way they wish and help them go in the direction they want to go.
- Coaching supports a person at every level in becoming who they want to be.
- Coaching builds awareness empowers choice and leads to change.
There are plenty of other leadership or caregiving models that are not coaching - like teaching, mentoring, consulting, and counseling. And they each have their place in a person's life.
Christian coaching uses a Biblical model of conver...
Demystifying SMART Goals! Bonus: Worksheet attached!
SMART goals
Everything starts with an idea, but some of the best ideas never grow to become real. Having ideas is a great and important first step. Making quality goals changes outcomes and ultimately transforms lives.
It has been said that if you aren’t sure where you are going you will surely get there (nowhere) or if you fail to aim you aim to fail!
In order to have a step-by-step plan or leading from God you need to have steps. You can always change them as He leads, but having them keeps in in motion. It is always easier to turn a moving ship, car, bike, skateboard... whatever.
To quote American philanthropist Elbert Hubbard,Â
"Many people fail in life, not for lack of ability or brains or even courage, but simply because they have never organized their energies around a goal."
Dreams are unrefined hope and cost-free aspirations that we might do someday. Converting a dream to a goal is a decision to take tangible steps to pursue it. Goals are specific future targets that we ar...
Okay! Let's do this!
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What's your this?
Each new year is a gift!Â
But unlike a gift you receive from someone else, each new year is a gift God gives us and what's inside of it pretty much depends on us!Â
What will this year hold for you?Â
- Will you finally start that ____________?
- Or finish that ______________?
- Ready to put ___________ behind you?
Traction can walk you through each step you need to take!
Or a good coach can help you define and achieve your goals!
The biggest question is:Â What is going to make this year different than last year?Â
Hundreds of people have used the Coaching Culture practices to move forward themselves as well as learning how to best ask empowering questions, help people make SMART goals and walk them down the Bridges Coaching ROAD to nexts they would not have accomplished!Â
Or maybe you aren't even sure what your "this" is? Our Destiny by Design course helps decode the cipher! Your unique design is the key to discerning who you were meant to be. Whether you a...
Takeaways from "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier
[Book Review]
In his book The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier promotes a path to "Say Less, Ask More and Change the way you lead forever" in 10 minutes with 7 questions!
Pretty bold offer! Let's dig in, but first a couple of important definitions.
Coaching = getting from one place to another.
- solving problems
- reaching goals
- resolving interpersonal issues
A Coaching conversation, therefore, finds a way to get from here to there.
True coaching is not:
- Consulting – giving you my expert advice
- Mentoring – showing you what works for me
- Counseling – diagnosing what is wrong and prescribing what is right
Instead, coaching draws from the other person what is within them. It asks questions and creates confident forward-moving problem-solvers rather than dependent, stuck, blame shifters.
Sound good?
No more: “Just tell me what to do?” or “If only… then…” rather it is a partnering, releasing, cheering-on way of relating that in the end will be more productive and res...
But Really ~ What's Holding You Back? (2 ways to use this empowering question)
When thinking about a decision it can be helpful to weigh the pros and cons. Personally, I like to write them out and then take them to an "altar" in prayer and talk to God.
I say something like, "Here we go God, this is what I can see, but you know it all. Help me choose wisely and guide me with Your Spirit!"
Sometimes, I think He gives me the choice myself and encourages me to just decide, and sometimes I feel a certain sense of what I should do. Occasionally, He drops something in my mind or heart that is new information that helps guide me toward the wise choice.
Then, I ask myself this question: What's holding you back?
If the honest answer is fear of any kind: fear of the unknown, fear of how I will perform, or fear of first (I've never done anything like this before), then I calm my soul and ask God for the courage to say "yes".Â
I can not let fear guide my life choices.
As promised, there are two ways you can use this empowering question.Â
1) You can use this question wh...
April's Quest! What's Your Next?
As I sat down to write this blog many times, I ended up getting interrupted by one of my 4 girls, my phone reminding me of the demands of life… or the laundry buzzer cutting through any ounce of concentration.Â
Here I am though at 12:08 am determined to blog away. It’s finally quiet and time to introduce myself.
I could tell you about my really awesome husband, our girls that keep life exciting, the different jobs I work from home or the other important things (well, I sure think they are important) that I do.Â
But, really, if there is one thing I want people to hear about, it’s how God poured His love into my heart at a young age, won my affection for life and silenced all wondering in my seeking teenage girl’s heart. He laid a solid foundation of acceptance that has stood strong through many storms.
Because I have experienced such security, I can’t help but want to see others enjoy that freedom as well. What a privilege it is to be loved so perfectly and be able to love.Â
I ha...