POV: 2 Kinds of Coaching
So there I was at a conference this last weekend, and the facilitator was talking about how he coaches couples. I always want to stop and ask, "What do you mean when you say, 'coaching'?"
The verb "coaching" has its roots in an actual coach, like the one Cinderella took to the ball. Coaches, the noun, take people from one place to another, from a certain here to an intended there.
Now, no one owns the word 'coach,' and it has at least two common meanings. The first is the one most people think of first - a sports coach. They work with children all the way to the pros. They commonly focus on one sport, though my son-in-law, Skyler, seems to coach whatever is needed if it affects one of his kids. He definitely prefers and is best at football, though. Not only does he love football, but he knows a thing or two in that field. He played football and understands what it takes to build a team, etc. (One time he coached his daughter's soccer team because there literally was no one else there - it's a great story, I would have loved to see that... but I digress.)
That kind of coach takes a team from where they are to the intended goal of a championship. That kind of coach develops a plan and leads the team by telling them what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.
Some people do the same in other arenas, and they are also called coaches. They develop a plan and offer what they have developed as a pathway to an intended goal. They could be marriage enrichment coaches, nutrition or fitness coaches, or even spiritual wellness coaches; they have a certain plan they want to share with people to assist them on their way to an intended goal, such as healthy communication in marriage, or a healthy body or soul.
To be very clear, the plan is something they have designed, and their coaching comes alongside the person being coached as an offer to move toward that intended goal.
The second kind of coach is the same in that they help people toward a chosen goal, but different in that they don't make the plan.
To be very clear, in this type of coaching, the coaches are skilled in conversational tools to help people discern the path they should take, rather than prescribing a path for them to follow.
This is the type of coaching the International Coaching Federation and Christian Coaches Network International define as Life Coaching.
These conversational tools are most often counterintuitive. They are based on the pillars of Active Listening and Asking Empowering Questions. Adult learning happens best through "Aha" moments when something clicks, and we see a perspective we have been missing or identify a roadblock that has been holding us back.
Becoming a skilled coach takes intentionality. It requires a paradigm shift that trusts the Holy Spirit is moving in people's lives, offering alignment with God's best nexts for them. It is most often a lifelong journey of practicing, just like a doctor practices medicine or an attorney practices law.
Learning the skill of providing a safe place for someone to process whatever they are facing and partnering with them to discern God's voice is what good coach training is all about.
Not interested in being a life coach? Most of our trainees use their coaching in their real lives as parents, employers, small group leaders, and family members. One surprising relationship I used coaching in was with my aging parents as they were transitioning from our family home.
My favorite feedback is when a trainee feels like they have truly listened to a spouse for the first time... What a gift!
If you want to dip your toes in the water, try our coaching book, Traction.
If you are ready for a bit more, check out the video training, which includes an actual workbook (not a download) with activities to help you lean into practicing coaching.
Or, if you want the full paradigm shift - check out our coach training. We believe it will enhance all your relationships, even your relationship with God!