3 Steps to Navigating Negative Emotions: Processing Series
Life has storms - external and internal. Negative emotions are never fun, but they are important. They are like a gauge on your life dashboard alerting you to pay attention to something. Good coaching can assist with learning how to manage and mine them.
Here are some options that may help you or someone you are working with.
- Name the feeling. This is so valuable! Some times there is a general sense of malaise and starting with naming it can help you with addressing it well. Chip Dodd's book "The Voice of the heart" and his free emotional resource materials can help, but simply taking the time to identify what your gauge is saying is helpful. Are you sad, angry, lonely, fearful, hurt or something else? (This is the R- recognize part of the Coaching ROAD)
- Consider your options. It could be anything from counseling to a distracation to a release. Talking to someone usually helps reveal the next step, when you hear yourself or someone say something like, "What is need is a good cry" ...
Two SIMPLE Phrases That Flip The Conversation To A Coaching Mindset
There is a skill set to coaching, to be sure, but more than a skill set, coaching is a mindset.
More than following a formula, coaching* has to do with a heart posture that believes God's Spirit endwells people and is guiding each of us on our own unique journey. A good coach is a thinking partner who offers a safe space to process your pathway out loud. They are cheerleaders and sometimes mirror holders. They believe in your ability to work through whatever life has thrown at you, to do new things, to work through obstacles, and to follow through when the going gets tough.
Two super simple phrases that can be a game-changer in a coaching session or a conversation.
1) Tell me more.
Tell me more - offers the person replying to go anywhere they want to go in what they share next. In fact, they may not even know until they keep talking what they need to "get out" there to discuss.
Proverbs 20:5 says, "People’s thoughts can be like a deep well, but someone with understanding can f...
Okay - Third Essential for a Growth Mindset
We've been looking at the 2, maybe 3, essentials for a Growth Mindset.
Without #1 - humility - we will have a hard time being willing to acknowledge there is something we need to focus on.
Without #2 - intentionality - we acknowledge the problem or the goal, but we haven't actually moved the needle. It's like when we say, "You know what I need to __________________ (lose some weight or insert other Aha moment here)" or "I guess I do have a problem with __________________ (anger, insecurity, addiction, or whatever)" or "If I don't start, I'll never ______________ write that book build that thing, find a spouse, get that degree."
You can't address something you can't name.
But perhaps, before it all, or maybe during it all, the greatest essential for a growth mindset is HOPE!
Without #3 - Hope - it's like trying to drive a car with no fuel. Hope fuels our preferred future. Hope helps us see what could be. Hope changes everything.
Without hope, humility is just a sad recognition o...
2 Essentials For A Growth Mindset (okay - maybe 3) [Part 1]
A growth mindset does not come naturally for most, maybe even all, of us. Let me explain.
What comes naturally is excuses or blame. When faced with adversity, the common go-to is to reason is that we got the short straw and should be pitied or rescued from what we are facing. It's most common to think things are not supposed to be the way they are.
I don't mean to minimize difficulty, especially when it is traumatic, but the truth is that God always offers a plan. He is the King of making a way out for us. He has provided what we need to move forward.
A growth mindset, by definition, includes ... (you guessed it) growth. The opposite of growing is being stuck. When we make excuses or blame shift, we are choosing to remain stuck and not move forward.
A growth mindset is not only used for when facing difficulty, but also for any goals God has placed in our journey. A growth mindset requires us to take initiative and move forward to the destiny He has for us. Sometimes that destiny i...
How To Measure True Success?
There are a number of ways to measure success - maybe even an innumerable amount.
The world measures success by affluence, power, fame, or skills.
In God's kingdom, we measure it differently. Jesus said the "greatest" would be the servant of all. So, are believers supposed to measure success by how much we do for others? But wouldn't that be a "works" mentality?
Paul says in Galatians that the fruit of living in the Spirit is love, joy, peace, etc. So, should we be measuring success by our fruit?
In Coaching, it would be possible to measure success by whether or not SMART goals were effective in helping individuals reach their goals in a timely manner. Some would even define success simply as not failing.
Of course we should set goals, "without vision people perish(languish)", and there are plenty of scriptures about being lazy and about doing something wise with what has been given to us.
But here's the thing - our relationship with God is not, CAN NOT, be based on performan...
Top Ten Things Coaching Is NOT!
Maybe it is easier to say what coaching is not.... Here's a top ten we use in coach training.
Top Ten Things True Coaching Is NOT! (as per the International Coaching Federation and the Christian Coaching Network International - check out the What Is Coaching Blog)
#10 Coaching is not “One-size-fits-all”. It is not a program or plan that the Coach designs and offers to all. Coaching is individualistic because it recognizes that what worked for one person may not work for the next. Each person has a unique design and pathway. Coaching helps uncover that plan.
#9 Coaching is not diagnostic. Good Coaches do not decide what the problem is or what the focus should be, they ask good questions and help the person being coached to come to an “Ah Ha” moment where they recognize something on their own.
#8 Coaching is not prescriptive. People often want someone to just tell them what to do. (I know there are plenty of times in my life when I have wanted that.) Coaching does not tell. Inste...
What Is Coaching? [The Skinny and The Blunt Truth]
"What is Coaching?" I whispered to the rep from Southwestern Christian University when I was considering getting my Master's there.* I was a little embarrassed that I didn't really know.
How about you? Coaching is a buzzword and has been steadily gaining popularity since I first asked that question over 15 years ago.
Webster's primary definition for coaching is the noun version - like Cinderella's coach, or a stagecoach from the Wild West. In that case, coaching is a means to get from one place to another - like our modern-day Uber or Lyft. The second definition Webster gives is "a tutor" or "one who instructs or trains".
Here's the blunt truth. No one owns the word "coach," and it is used differently by different people. The first thing that probably comes to most people's minds is some sort of sports coach, or maybe a skills coach that trains you in a specialty area. Some nutrition and fitness coaches would fall into this definition as well. These type of coaches have their own pa...
What Do Passivity, Fear, and Indecision Have In Common?
Most of us understand that to move forward, we have to ... well, move forward. We have to take steps in order to achieve movement on whatever path is before us.
What is harder to come to terms with are the ingrained beliefs (poisons)that can hold us back from said movement. Let's explore these thoughts together. See if you can identify which, if any, of the following thoughts you have had personal experience with.
- If God wanted it to happen, He would ______________. Maybe it is a vocational shift of some sort, and you are waiting for it to come to you. Maybe it's about a relationship you would like to see go deeper, but you are holding back till the other person makes a move. You get the picture. You want God to make something happen. (Of course, there are cases when one is called on to be patient, but let's make sure it is God doing the prompting and not simply a lack of initiative on our part.)
- Antidote: Look at the desire in your heart and ask God for grace to take the ini ...
3 Kinds Of "Stuff" We All Face in Life
At Bridges Coaching, we use the Always Circle as a visual aid for a coaching journey. Good coaching involves three "always" things. Today, we are discussing the first one.
There's always going to be stuff.
And I think I have identified 3 kinds of stuff. Let's take a look.
1) External Stuff
The first kind of stuff is external. It comes from the outside. It is something that happens to us, Things like sickness, accidents, termination, misunderstandings, financial situations... basically any circumstances that come our way.
Dealing with the stuff of life can be difficult. Especially if there is more than one external source that we are facing at the same time. (There is often more than one for most people.)
External stuff is hard. It is not our choice. It is often a surprise. It can be chronic - lasting for lengths of time, or short-lived, but it certainly affects our well-being.
Good coaching helps us name what we are dealing with and focus on our stuff.
What are some things...
For Leaders* Only (*every believer is a leader)
That's right - every believer is a leader whether they realize it or not, whether they like it or not, people are looking to us to "show them the way".
Some of us may be in clear definable professional leadership positions, others are relational leaders - like parents, aunts or uncles, and grandparents, some of us are small group leaders, neighbors or co-workers. All of us who profess to be Jesus-followers are being observed by those around us.
There are two kinds of onlookers:
1) Pre-believers - they are people who do not yet follow Jesus. Hopefully, they expect us to be different, but likely in odd ways. Oftentimes pre-believers think that real Christians never have problems, should always be happy and at peace, and get along with everyone. (Even new believers sometimes think that should be the norm for their new life.)
Other times pre-believers think that Christians think they are holier than others and all they do is judge those who are not as "good" as they are.
Both of the...