Where Is He When You Need Him?! [Always Circle-Pt2]
If we are honest, we have all asked that question in some form or another at some time in our lives. Probably multiple times. The Psalms carry this type of question on repeat.
I clearly remember reading "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby and questioning this statement. "If there is a problem in your relationship with God, the problem is always with you and never with God." It seems clear to me now, but I was pretty angry when I first read it. I was trying to do the right thing so hard and yet feeling so distant.
Thoughts like these went through my mind. [Spoiler alert: These are very ugly, raw thoughts.]
- If He is really there for me/us, then why did "that" happen? (early death of friend or family member, mischaracterization, traffic accidents, abuse, poverty... the list could go on.)
- It doesn't feel like He is guiding my path when I am so confused about my next steps. (Or when I made a choice I thought was right, and things didn't work out.)
- I don't understand why provision is lacking sometimes. If He "owns the cattle on a thousand hills," why are His children short on occasion?
- It's a dark, dark world, full of hurt, disconnection, and unfulfilled hopes and dreams. If all His promises are yes and Amen, where is that promised light?
My journal is loaded with tear-stained pages full of questions like these. I know God is okay with my honesty. I mean, He already knows, so I may as well take time and acknowledge my thoughts and feelings.
In Coach Training, we have a lesson called "Facts and Feelings, Lies and Truth," where we learn about how to identify lies and take them to Jesus. They are like weeds that want to take over the garden of our hearts. And He, the Master Gardener, wants to care for the garden in our souls.
His ways are different, higher than our ways. I think Americans have a high value for fairness, and we think we know what is right. Or maybe it is just me. I know I want God to act more like I think He should (I know - it sounds like blasphemy - but it's true.) I want God to take care of me and all "my" people so we never have physical, emotional, or financial pain. I want Him to clearly show what next steps we are to take, give us the grace to do them, and then have all our outcomes be awesome.
He's big enough for that, right?!
What if "it" is not all about living a pain-free, stress-free, abundant life where we all get along and there are no misunderstandings?
In this Always Circle series, we talked about how there will always be stuff last time, and today our focus is "God always offers a plan". There are a number of reasons we don't experience that truth in our life. Let's explore them together. (Some of them sting a bit...)
- We don't bring our stuff to Him. Maybe we forget. Maybe we think we can handle it on our own. Maybe we block him out of our lives because we are angry with Him for having stuff.
- We want Him to answer the way we want things to go. I don't like to admit that. When I step outside myself, it feels childish to want things to be handled the way I think is right. I want my people to be healed. I want there never to be lack. I want everyone to get along. And more.
- We don't persist. Maybe we get tired and feel like we have prayed enough, and we give up.
- We can't hear what He is saying because what He IS saying is not what we want to hear. Maybe He is asking us to do something we don't want to do - like move away from a relationship, leave a job, release a dream, or do something difficult, take a risk, finish the project, trust He is working.
- We don't believe He is there if we can't feel Him.
The quote from Henry Blackaby upset me because I wasn't feeling God there for me when I read it. I wanted Him to show up in a certain way. I wanted to feel His peace, His hope, His healing, His guidance.
But my feelings do not always line up with His reality. He IS there for me/us!
My devotion to Him cannot be dependent on my emotions. His care for me/us is bigger than my circumstances.
The timing is His call. He knows what is best. I can trust Him. And when I don't I am saying that I know better than He does. (Ouch)
My stuff has not stumped Him. He always offers a plan. I can keep leaning in, asking, listening, obeying, and learning.
Oh Father. Have mercy on our wandering and wondering. Help us bring our stuff to you. Help us to listen. May we honor You no matter what we are facing. May we rest in Your truth, especially when we are having trouble feeling it. Thank You, oh THANK YOU for your undying patience, grace, kindness, and mercy toward us. We love You!
