This Just In - Commentary On Coach Training
In the Bridges Life Coach certification course, we use a variety of adult learning techniques, and one of them is online discussion. We share different questions throughout the learning process so the trainees can interact with the material and process it by restating it, or sharing how it applies in their own life situations.
Among other things, we share about topics like why it is often hard to trust that God has a plan, what it looks like to actively listen in a real life situations, or how to ask empowering questions.
The following comment came from a list-building question requesting input on honest reasons we like to retain control. The trainee's words are in blue and italics.
I take control because apparently I know what's best for everyone!! I never knew I was such a know-it-all all when it comes to other people's lives! But it is out of concern and wanting what is best for them.
I love the honesty here! Whether we acknowledge it or not, most of us do think we know what is best for others. Why does the pathway forward seem so clear when we talk to others, but so blurry when we are thinking about our own conundrum?
The self-awareness coupled with the recognition that the offer to tell someone what tehy should do truly comes out of "concern and a wanting what is best for them" is a lovely pairing. We don't need to remove our desire to help others we just need to channel it well!
She goes on sharing the experience of what she is learning.
Now I am beginning to see that I don't know what's best for THEM. Only God does, and I have to allow Him and the person to come to their own conclusions without guiding them toward my own thoughts on the matter.
It seems so elementary that God knows best for someone, but I'm with this trainee in feeling like I need to help God and the other person out a bit! It's a lifelong journey of learning to trust and release. Coaching is truly about partnering with another person as THEY discern what God has for them.
I was blown away yesterday when talking with a friend, and I kept my opinions to myself about what I thought they should do and allowed some silence. That space gave me time to reflect on why I wanted her to make certain choices, and it gave her space to just begin ruminating about what it is she really wants for herself.
The power of presence and a safe place provides the petri dish for discernment to grow.
Then she gave some ideas of what she was going to do about the situation she is facing, and it blew my mind! She truly knew best what would work for her, and it was nothing like what I wanted her to do. And it is so much better for her!
- What if the pressure for coming up with the resolution is meant to be a between the person and the Holy Spirit?
- What if what is most needed is a safe place to process?
- What if silence in a conversation is a gift?
- What if my "answers" don't even need airtime?
Now I am excited to talk with her again to see what she has been able to do and also to see what else she wants for herself. I feel like our relationship will be more authentic because I am truly listening to her about her.
What if caring for others is more about them and less about us?
It is just not natural. Like so many perspectives in the kingdom of God, it is so easy for us to feel the more responsible thing is to offer people solutions, to resolve their conundrums, to find a way to release them from pain or to hurry things along.
How are you doing? Is it your heart to truly serve others? What if caring is coaching?
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