What Kind Of An "Aha" Are You Looking For?
Coaching Core Competency #7: Evokes Awareness
Have you ever heard people talking about an "Aha" moment? They look different for different people and even different for the same person at different times.
Here are a few I can think of:
- "Oh, that's what I should do!"
- "I see now, I am believing a lie, that's what has been holding me back!"
- "Yeah, I need to wait on that."
-"What if I just started with one small step?"
-"Maybe I should get some help with that."
These are all actually "Aha" moments I have had personally. Here are a few more:
"I see a pattern here... I have thought that before."
"Oh! God wants to reveal Himself to me in a new way here!"
"I think I just need to try it and see if it works."
Aha moments are most often preceded by two things: a powerful question and space to talk it out.
The Coaching industry uses the words "powerful questions", at Bridges we often say "empowering questions" and lately I have been taking it a little further and saying "insightf...
Guest Blog: Applying Working Genius To Your Real Life
My daughter Natalie has been leaning into the Working Genius model and wrote this blog with a real-life story and application. If you are an inventor, galvanizer, or discerner this will be of special interest, but don't just think personally - you coach, work with, and have family members who are inventors, galvanizers, and discerners too! Hope you get as much out of it as I did!
[That's Natalie and her husband, Mike, in the picture.] Here's her blog:
Have you been reading the genius blogs and wondering how can this apply to real life? What if I am the only participant at my workplace or in my family who is interested in this topic? Especially if your genius is not galvanizing.
Fear not, I am a galvanizer. Wait discerners, don’t go anywhere… this blog is actually for you. As an inventor and galvanizer, I am attracted to discerners… my husband, several former bosses, and many of my closest friends. Often times I have felt that I cause them distress, sometimes communicated clearly ...
'23 Reflection Questions & '24 Vision Questions
I wrote some end-of-the-year questions for our church and wanted to share them here as well.
Check out these thought-provoking questions and conversation prompts for this holiday season! Use them on your own, in a family group, or at your New Year's party.
2023 Reflections:
- What one event stands out to you that marks this last year – maybe something you are grateful for, something you overcame, or a little of both?
- What relationships were significant for you this last year?
- When did you have the most fun?
- Was there a verse or phrase that was especially meaningful?
- What fruit of the spirit marked your year? (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control).
2024 Vision:
- What brings you joy and how could you do more of it in this next year?
- Who is one person you could invest in this next year and how could that make a difference in their life?
- What accomplishment would you like to start or complete this next year?
- Where is one pla ...
Working Genius & Coaching [Tenacity]
We're on the home stretch now! The final letter in Working Genius is T for Tenacity!
Working Genius says this about it. "The natural gift of pushing projects or tasks to completion to achieve results."
This is one of my geniuses and I have a love/hate relationship with the concept. I mean I don't go out of my way to notice things not getting completed, I just can't help but see them and have a strong desire to see things through.
Most often this is a gift and a value add, but sometimes it isn't perceived that way or received well, or it is just too much.
Once I was called a "pusher" by a well-meaning colleague, and it stung a little. I mean I wouldn't have to push if things were being completed right? ... just saying...
Working Genius has helped me so much! Having Tenacity as a genius can be used for good as a means of follow through making sure things don't get dropped, but it can also be a handful. It's truly hard for me to just let things go without express direction.
That'...
Is Coaching Even Biblical? [Part 1]
A pastor friend of mine recently told me that a mentor of his mentioned that he wasn't even sure coaching was biblical. I actually understand that question.
Many people, pastors even, don't really know what coaching is.
And if I'm completely honest, I really wish there was a different word than coaching for that very reason. It gets confusing. Many people think coaching is telling others what to do in a kind, but direct, way. Coaching, as we align with at Bridges, is quite different.
(If you aren't sure how to define coaching please click here and maybe even here before reading on...)
Coaches help people learn to discern what God is prompting them to think and do. It's much easier to weigh in and tell people what you think they should do. Maybe you have been through a similar situation and you feel you should just spare them the difficulty and give them your solution.
But what if...
What if God has a different plan for their journey?
Of course, there are times when it is appr...
Rethinking and Prethinking - The Crucial 4 Steps
Ever wish you could have a do-over? Maybe it was something you said or did, or maybe something you didn't say or didn't do. Whatever it was, you wish it didn't happen the way it did?
We're all human so it happens sometimes...
Some people choose never to look back. "No regrets," they say, but perhaps this isn't the best approach. If we can't learn from what has happened how can we ever show up the way we really want to be?
I propose the Rethink and Prethink method.
It goes like this.
1- You have a nagging thought that you wish something had gone differently. You choose not to stuff it, but to ask God to help you see what He has for you in it.
2- You choose to explore what happened. You lean into processing what caused you to say or do whatever you have concerns about. You explore your emotions and how you were triggered. You'll probably need to work through some hurt and likely forgiveness will be involved - receiving and giving. (for more on this step check out 4 Key Steps to...
6 Ways Coaching Makes Disciples (not dependents) Are you making disciples?
Jesus was rarely a "teller", and when He was it was mainly to the religious leaders when He was telling them off in no uncertain terms.
Think about it when you are reading the gospels. Jesus often responded to questions with questions, or sometimes with stories. We also have the beatitudes and many word pictures about what the kingdom is like. Most often, He encouraged people to decide what they needed to do next.
When we tell people what we think they should do we risk getting in the way of their personal connection with God. Of course, there are moral boundaries and we would never encourage someone to "decide" if those were right, but here are a few examples of where coaching questions could help someone make healthy choices:
- who to date
- whether or not to go to college and where
- how to decide if you should stay with a certain job/role
- choosing where to volunteer
- how to move toward a specific goal, and even if you should
Just to name a few.
Coaching makes disciples by hel...
The Shadow Side of "Niche" Coaching
Some people say it rhymes with "stitch", others tip toward the French and say it with a long "e" and a "sh" at the end. I think there are even some combo folks out there who would say it rhymes with "squish" or "screech".
However you say it, having a niche may, or may not be an asset in coaching.
Good coaching, as defined by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), or Christian Coaches Network International (CCNI), does not include the coach sharing their expertise in a niche field as the means forward. Instead, good coaching draws out from the coachees the best way forward.
Having experience, or education, in a particular field is not always beneficial to good coaching.
If the coach has a certain bent toward how they think the plan should roll out, they tend to ask leading questions to prompt the client toward their own preferred outcome.
Sir John Whitmore in his foundational coaching book "Coaching for Performance" shares about an experiment he conducted where he studied wh...
What If The Answer Is Closer Than You Think? [spoiler alert - kinda gross story]
So, it's come to this. I went to Costco to get a hearing aid! I KNOW RIGHT! I can't be getting older, I should be able to hear for a lot longer... and all the things.
When my appointment finally came around it was way shorter than planned for two reasons.
1- they said that asymmetrical hearing loss was a medical red flag and I needed to go to an ENT specialist before moving forward.
2- they threw me a curve ball and said my good ear was completely blocked and they wondered how I could hear out of it at all.
(This is where the gross part comes in.) They told me never to clean my ears with a Q-tip but to use soap and hot water in the shower.
So, I tried it.
It didn't work!!
My "good ear" then became my bad ear! I must have dislodged the build-up and really messed up my ear. I couldn't even hear my blow dryer from that side that morning. With only the hearing from my bad ear, I was nearly deaf. It felt like people were teasing my, moving their lips but not saying anything. It was ...
3 Reasons "Why" Isn't Really A Good Question - especially in trauma
"What" or "How" are the preferred coaching questions but why?
Here are X reasons why "Why?" is normally a not a best practice Q.
1) "Why" leans more toward the past.
It can be healthy to look at what happened that made preceded the incident but it's hard to move forward while looking backward. Instead, shift the question to the future and use a growth mindset by asking,"How would you do that differently if you did it again?"
2) "Why" usually comes across as judgy.
"Why do you think that happened?" can sound disciplinary, like you are trying to backdoor an "Aha" moment. If you need to raise awareness about negligence, that is a different conversation that should probably start out with "Are you open to some feedback?"
There's another common "Why" question that is quite judgy and is more personal than behavioral. It sounds like, "Why did you do that?" it comes across as questioning a person's character, education, or upbringing. Instead, maybe "What led to that?" can be more insi...