How To Avoid The "Instawall!"
You already know what the Instawall is! You’ve likely been on one side or the other multiple times, but now you have a word for it.
It happens when someone says something that builds an instant wall between two people where no matter what was said it cannot be considered a valid choice. A line of respect has been breached and the listener feels small, invalidated or infantized.
Most often the Instawall happens after openers like these:
“You know what I would do if I were you….”
“Okay, so here’s what you need to do…”
“Did you want to (insert what the speakers want them to do) ….?” (this is the soft sell version)
“Listen to me now! …”
Each of these lines assumes the speaker knows best what should happen next for another person.
The kicker is that the speaker may be right! But if the statement is made in a way that makes the other person feel like they are being bossed, or belittled or just flat out told what to do the healthy response is the Instawall.
That’s a bold statem...
How To Facilitate An Aha Moment (It’s easier than you think)
Ahhh…. That glorious “Aha moment”!
This is the actual moment in time when someone sees something differently for the first time. It could be that they:
- recognize a dream
- identify and obstacle
- own a viewpoint
- see a way forward that they never saw before
The Aha Moment is a hope and joy for every coaching leader, and truly for every person being coached!
The Aha Moment brings clarity, hope and vision that were not there before it happened.
The Aha Moment is the first step in getting unstuck.
So, how do we get there? How can we facilitate an Aha Moment?!
The best thing we can do as coaches is to provide a safe place for processing. This opens the door of opportunity for two things to happen.
1) The person being coached gets the floor.
Simply allowing someone “air time” to verbalize what they are going through can produce an Aha Moment. I can think of a number of times I was going through something, took it to a friend or leader and as I talked out what the situation was ...
Why Hermits Don’t Need Coach Training (And Five Reasons Other People Love It!)
I’m not really sure if this guy is a hermit or not. In fact when I looked for a photo to use I had to search on the word “Lonely” instead of hermit. (I only got crabs when I searched using “hermit”.)
Next I thought I would make a list of stereo typical things people think about hermits but the only universal one I could come up with is they don’t interact with other people much or at all.
So what’s that got to do with coach training?
Let me back up a bit and give you a few reasons people take coach training.
- They want to enhance their leadership skills and help their people grow.
- They heard coaching is Biblical and they want to check it out.
- They want to be better parents, and help their children take ownership for their lives.
- They are looking for tools to build better relational skills.
- They heard coaching helped others in their marriage and with other family relationships.
When marketing people ask me “Who would benefit from coach training?” I pretty much answer by sa...
Just Tell Me What To Do!
Sometimes I just want someone to TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!
Other times I’m on the receiving end of this statement.
Either way it’s a painful moment…
When someone is at that place they feel things like frustration, disconnection, hurt, despair and maybe most of all confusion. Somewhere inside us all we just want to do it right and to know exactly what that means.
If someone will just make “it” clear then we can do “it”. Then one of two things will happen- we will get the results we wanted or we won’t. If the later happens we can then blame the process and likely the person who gave it to us in the first place. If we do get the results we want we can keep going to that person to tell us what to do.
The New Covenant isn’t like this. In the New Covenant the plan is for us to go to God for ourselves and learn to hear from Him. In some ways I like the Old Covenant better where I could just pay someone to go to God and tell me what to do. The rules seemed more clear. The pathway was more de...
Five Ways To Keep Your People Needing YOU!
Leadership can be tough on a person. It’s hard to help your people along when they won’t listen, so here’s some tips to help. (And just in case you aren’t catching the sarcasm this is all tongue in cheek.)
1- Go to God for them.
Whether you are a pastor or parent, teacher, mentor or friend please keep in mind that you are adept in Bible reading and have had more experience praying. You’ve been a believer longer than the people you want to help, so it would be better if you just heard from God FOR them. Tell them what you think God is saying and then they will be less likely to mess up. And they will continue coming to you and you can tell them what you think God is saying.
This will save them the time and bother of learning to hear from God for themselves. Plus it keeps your finger on the pulse of where things are going so you can direct things the way you see fit.
2- Share your dream so they can get onboard.
You are the leader so lead. You decide what is important and then use ...