Why I Paid April $50 For Just One Question!
Ready for a good story?
Some of you know I recently finished a book that is not yet published (more on that later) but it took me over TEN years to write it!
During that time my husband and I got a redirect from the Lord and moved to Lancaster, PA, where we are both on staff at Worship Center. We love it here. But, in order to be full-time there, I needed to hire people to do what I was doing at Bridges, which turned out fabulously! Sarah Fulton now manages the Coaching Culture branch, April Lonneville oversees the Destiny by Design side, and Michelle Pavasars facilitates the Next Level Coach Training(NXL).
During the very first NXL cohort, I volunteered to be coached by our Mentor Coach, Walt Hastings, while the class observed.
This is where the famous question from April happened!
My focus for the coaching session was whether or not to finish my book. The complication was that I was juggling a full-time job and running a business on the side but still feeling compelled to compl...
Counseling OR Coaching? How do you know which one is right for you?
Wherever you are in life - God wants to meet you there and walk with you toward your next!
He is always for us, He is nearer than we realize and He has good plans for how to move forward no matter what we are facing.
You may be in a season of transition - many of us are these days.
Or maybe you have had that one thing on your mind for a long time, maybe so long it only whispers to you now.
Can I just encourage you? DON'T STAY STUCK!
If you are not moving forward let it be because you believe God wants you to wait on something, or because you feel He has led you to a season of active rest.
But don't let it be because you are stuck or you have given up.
I've seen both Coaching and Counseling work for various end goals, but in general, the focus of Counseling is the past and the direction of coaching is the future.
The question usually comes down to the issue at hand. What are you facing right now?
Is there something you want to accomplish? A dream you have been meani...
6 Clarifying Questions to Discern Timing
Ever wonder "When"? Or maybe you are stuck on "If"?
Is now the time? Should it wait? Should it happen at all?
Here are 6 clarifying questions you can use for yourself or to help someone else discern timing!
1) What would a "yes" give you?
If you said yes to this option, how would it benefit you in the end?
What is the value add you are hoping for? Is moving forward worth it?
Sometimes you can tell a lot by exploring the gain you would receive. If you find yourself explaining how good this could be, maybe that is a sign.
2) How would a "no" or "not right now" feel?
Is this something you would want to put off, or something you have been putting off?
Do you feel relief when you think of not doing it now, or not doing it ever, or do you feel convicted that it is something you simply need to do?
If there is a sense of sadness, or of missing out, when you think of not doing it at all, that could also be the telltale sign you need that you should explore this option sooner t...
Coaching Isn't Just For "Sessions"
I Fell In Love With Coaching Again This Week - TWICE!
Good Coaching can be used anywhere.
This week I had two different incidents where I benefited from coaching myself.
Scenario #1 - In my work at Worship Center occasionally I have to deal with difficult situations. Times when I have to deal with tricky situations where I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but where I may need to speak some truth. I always want to do that in kindness, with care, and in hopes of offering growth. So, in this situation, I knew I wanted to talk to our Exec Pastor, Don Neff, to be sure I was moving forward in the right way.
Don is a sage leader and true to form he heard me out without interrupting or telling me what to do. As I was explaining the situation I found myself using the language I look for, and long for, as a coach. I said,
"You know what I probably ought to do?..." (I even told him I wish I had recorded what I had said so I could remember it and write some bullet points for the upcomin...
The Skinny on How Benevolent Detachment is LOVEing? Benevolent Detachment #5 of 5
Let's take a quick look at the biblical definition of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says,
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
Benevolent Detachment is patient - it doesn't rush the other person to make a decision or take an action step.
Benevolent Detachment actually IS kind. We talked about that last time.
Benevolent Detachment is not jealous. It doesn't look at where others are at and wish for what they have, it is being consciously grateful for what we do have.
Benevolent Detachment does not brag and is not proud. It doesn't show off or compare, "If you want to know what I think..."
Benevolent Detachment is not rude, it doesn't butt in with what it thinks should...
What Was God Thinking? Benevolent Detachment #2 of 5
Ever just want to shake someone? I have.
Okay, maybe not physically, but I have wanted so badly to help someone SEE something. It's mind-boggling to me how tolerant people can be of difficult circumstances they could actually do something about!
If I'm honest I've wanted to shake myself at times as well!
You'd think the low experience would be enough for a wake-up call, but no. We keep doing the same thing over and over, and not adopting the new thing we know would be better for us.
What was God thinking when He gave us free will?
Apparently, this is not a new phenomenon. Paul says in Romans 7:15
I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate.
But then later in Romans 12:2, he says,
Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.
So, what does this have to do...
1st ever Bridges Coaching Lunch & Learn! Join us?
Ever wonder what Coach Training is all about, or what it would feel like?
Here's your chance to give it a try!
On July 15 we'll be offering our first-ever Bridges Coaching Lunch & Learn!
JOIN US for this taste and see experience where we'll learn about the CHRIST model* - the single most significant coaching tool I've come across in the last 4 years!
Whether you are a coaching newbie, rookie, or veteran, this online lunch hour class will give you:
- an overview of the CHRIST model that you can use in coaching sessions, for meeting agendas, or even in casual conversation
- a taste of what coach training it like
- an introduction to some of our Bridges Coaching leaders and other potential cohort members (maybe you'll even find a peer partner to take a course with!)
The class will be on Zoom from 12 -1 EST. (We'll send the link once you register.)
USE THE CODE: FBFRIEND to waive the $20 fee!
We believe you'll walk away with hope for your future, a plan to help others, and an out...
Which One Are You?
Dreamers tend to have an idea a minute.
You know the type. They are pretty quick with a "What if?" They keep us moving forward, trying things and improving what is already there.
Maybe you are the type. You have more vision than there are years in the century. It's a gift and a curse because you always have more good ideas, but it's hard because you probably can't do them all. (And let's be honest, sometimes you start stuff that doesn't get done.)
SO, how do you decide what to do when? And how? And with whom?
Coaching can help! In fact, that is one of the outcomes coaching is designed for!
Now, let's talk about Doers.
Doers get stuff done. Their focus is less on what could be and more on what is.
You know the type. They are hard-working, dependable, and responsible. They seem to be tireless.
Maybe you are the type. You don't need someone to check up on you because your internal motivation will keep things running smoothly and get the stuff checked off the list. It's a gift an...
Ten Tips for Great Mentoring Relationships
As a former Bible college dean, I’ve had many young people ask for mentoring. For clarity’s sake, I learned to ask back what exactly they were looking for in a mentoring relationship.
Here’s some of the answers I received:
- I don’t know what I’m looking for, isn’t that what you are supposed to decide?
- Well, I just know I am supposed to have a mentor, so whatever you think is right is good by me.
- I need someone to tell me how to grow spiritually.
While I applauded their initiative for spiritual growth and there was some value in their ideology, in this paradigm the responsibility for their development was all placed on me. I felt I was supposed to design a pathway for their spiritual growth. They wanted me to discern what their next steps would be. And in some cases, there was a hope that I would use my influence to connect them with a ministry position. Their perspective was one where I would be the leader, the teacher, and the guide and they would come willing to receive.
Thi...
3 Ways to Deal with Reluctant/Resistant People
"It doesn't work like that...."
"I can't."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
1. Avoidance.
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...