How NOT To Use Coaching As A Leader/Boss!
When coaching a client or a friend, it's important that the person being coached chooses the focus. They decide what goal they want to move forward toward and what their next steps will be.
Not so with business.
Well, not completely anyway.
Gone are the days when the "boss" tells people what to do and how to do it. No one wants to work there, but at times I have seen the pendulum swing completely the other way.
In some circles, there is a lack of clarity on how goals should be set and who should be setting them. Some leaders simply leave the work to the workers and "respect" what they choose to focus on. This is not coaching. Some would even call it distancing, or even neglect.
ENTER Patrick Lencioni and The Advantage.Â
The concepts he promotes in this book are over-arching if you are a leader of anything really, maybe even just your own home or your own life. He proposes every leadership team take time to make a list of their core objectives. For a business that could mean diffe...
Ten Reasons Coaching Works Better Than Telling
People have stuff!
How you handle it makes all the difference!
Do you feel like you need to have answers for people?
Or maybe you actually do have answers but they don't seem to be listening.
Here are 10 reasons coaching works better than telling!
10) You don’t have to know everything for everyone.
Leaders who tell have to know what’s best for every situation and for each person to be effective. That’s a lot of stuff to know! (And what if you aren’t right?)
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9) People love it when you focus on them.
Active listening is the highest form of loving someone. When the focus is on the other person there is a lot less pressure on the coach to solve issues. It is way easier to be curious, trust the Holy Spirit, and listen than to have to diagnose and prescribe.
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8) Relationship trumps regimen every time.
God designed us to be in relationship with Him and others. When we reduce leadership to telling people what to do, we can easily “cookie cutter” people by categorizing them and off...
DON'T WORRY! God Always Offers a Plan [practical steps to reconnect]
I don't know about you, but I leak sometimes.Â
I leak confidence. I leak hope. I lean into despair or worry... and it seems so legit, cuz the stuff is real and it hurts, or it is taking too long, or I don't know why "it" didn't turn out like I thought.Â
What's wrong with me? I've seen God answer plenty of prayers. I've been the beneficiary of provision, healing, forgiveness, guidance, comfort and so much more, but when stuff comes up. I seem to forget all that.
When I was a child and first heard the stories of the Israelites being delivered from Egypt, going through the Red Sea on dry ground, and being provided for in so many miraculous ways but then crying out to God wondering where He was, and asking to go back to Egypt; I didn't get it. I thought they were short-sighted and ungrateful.Â
Turns out they were just human.
Turns out I am too.
I guess the Apostle Paul was like that too. In Romans 7:15 he says,Â
I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, a...
What (exactly) Is Coaching?
Coaching has become somewhat of a buzzword in ministry circles and in the business world. It's trendy to say you are "coaching" someone, or getting "coached".Â
But what does "coaching" really mean?
First off let's be clear that no one owns any word and we all know words can mean more than one thing. In fact, we have all seen words grow to mean different things in our lifetimes. Over the last few years, our society has morphed the meaning of some of the following words:
Masked, Essential, Agenda, Woke, Lockdown, Triggered...Â
Please stop for a moment and take a deep breath before we go on.Â
No need to get wound up, I'm just trying to make a point that when someone thinks of "woke" they no longer simply think of when their alarm clock went off, or in many circles, the word "agenda" does not simply apply only to what you will be talking about in an upcoming meeting.Â
It's similar, but not the same with the word "coaching".
Coaching always includes some sort of forward movement. Thi...
Hey Guys! I did a thing!
Hi friends!
Meet Michelle Pavasars. Michelle and I met serendipitously as we sat next to each other at a wedding rehearsal dinner years ago. We got to talking, and to make a long story short, she has taken multiple coach training courses and now works for Bridges as the host of our Next Level Coach Training course.
Michelle is the Executive director of an organization called KINDLE that specifically targets, empowers, and serves second-chair leaders. We are so fortunate she loves coaching and does a little work for us on the side. She says keeping her fingers in the pie helps keep the coaching mindset active in her life and leadership.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the podcast!
What would you think if we did a Coaching podcast? Is that something you would be interested in?
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If I'm honest, I had doubts... do you?
It's been a while since Eric and I did a Coaching workshop live, and to be honest we have had some difficult experiences. Once, while leading a workshop I was invited to teach at, I had leaders questioning me about the method - right during the session -Â and, you know, I get it. It is a radical shift in thinking for a leader.Â
They were used to leaders being "in charge" of their people's spiritual growth. They felt it was abdicating responsibility to leave people to own their own choices.Â
So, knowing we were going to a Latin culture where leadership is traditionally more top-down I had my doubts as to how we would be received (just in case you did not know, Eric and I just got back from a mission trip to Costa Rica where we did a coaching workshop hosted by Alex Dienner.)
But our reception, and their connection, were a welcomed breath of fresh air for all of us!
Hebrews 8 and 10 talks about the New Covenant that Jesus made possible. We now have direct access to the Holy Spirit an...
Follow Your Heart! But On The Other Hand...? [PENDULUM POST]
I'm learning to discern more. You'd think I'd be better at it by now, but it turns out I'm still learning. For me, following my heart means having the "courage" to call things out when I see them. I have the compulsion to set things right. I feel culpable to say what I see, especially as a leader. I almost always feel I am missing the mark if I don't say something when I hear or see something out of line.
(Feels kind of judgy when I say it like that... maybe because it sometimes is judgy and that's where the Pendulum Process needs to come in!)
Is it always right to say something?
Is it never right to step in?
Sometimes it is "courage"Â that is needed and I do indeed need to speak up. After all, Proverbs 9:8b says,
"... But correct the wise, and they will love you."
 Yet, at other times we are encouraged to be wise by not speaking up. Proverbs 10:19b says,
"...if you are wise, you will keep quiet."
So what's a gal to do? Let's take a look at the Pendulum process.
The Pe...
Going From "Freeze Framing" To Reframing
Ever feel like someone put you on a hard pause when that "thing" happened? It's like they can't let you move forward. You feel marked forever as not able to do whatever you messed up on.
Or maybe you put yourself on a hard pause and said you will never try "that" again?
Or one more, maybe have you put someone else on a hard pause and in your heart thought "they can't really..."?
At Bridges Coaching, we call this Freeze Framing. It's like when you hit the pause button on a video and the person is stuck as they are, frozen, not able to move forward. The swirling thoughts are all negative and limiting. They don't allow for growth, change, or transformation.
I'll be honest. I have done it myself. I've wondered if I could finish projects, learn new skills, incorporate new habits, be more thoughtful, have patience, or be more...
I'm embarrassed to say that I've freeze framed others as well. I've not asked them to do something they weren't great at the first time, or avoided getting them...
Got Stuff? (or know someone who does?)
We've all been there... had times when something happened to us? Or when we dropped the ball on a priority or responsibility?Â
Stuff happens.
So, whether you are dealing with a trauma or a recurring obstacle, a circumstance outside your control, or perhaps just a practice you want to have that you can't figure out have to make part of your actual life, you know what? God is not surprised!Â
In fact, He loves to meet us where we are at and help us along our way to the nexts He has for us. In Bridges Coaching, we use the Always Circle to help people know where they need to go next.
 
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Jesus said, "In this world, you WILL have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world." John 16:33b
He confirmed there will always be stuff.
BUT God also promises that He gives us a way out of temptation (1 Corinthian 10:13) and that He IS guiding us (Proverbs 4:11).Â
Good coaching helps people see what God is offering them!Â
Then the rest is up to us! Deuteronomy 30:19 highlights how God of...
4 Simple Steps to Get There - Use the Coaching ROAD
Helping people help people is what Bridges Coaching is all about! If you are in the business of helping it can be easy to take responsibility for other people’s forward movement, but even God offers free will. That is why coach training is so valuable!
Here is a pathway of simple questions that can benefit both you and the people you work with. Let’s take a conversational trip on the Bridges Coaching ROAD:
Recognition-Ownership-Action-Dedication.
R = Recognition
Sometimes the “Ah ha” moment a person is looking for can be as simple as figuring out what they are really trying to figure out. God is always moving us toward alignment with His purposes in our lives and our world. People may ramble in conversation and helping them move forward may be as simple as asking some directed questions:
What is it that you really want to focus on?
Friends of this question could be: What is the core issue? or What is the question you need answered?
In any event, this is the stage where you esta...