Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.  

They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.

Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.

When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.

It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:

- We would...

"It doesn't work like that...."

"I can't."

"Maybe you just don't understand."

Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.

I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)

They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.

It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.

There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)

1. Avoidance.

This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...

“Agency” is the new buzzword we keep hearing in podcasts and even recently published books, but what does it really mean?

Here are some thoughts on agency, where it comes from, and what makes it so very valuable in our personal lives!

Ever hear of the series “Orange is the new black”? I don’t think I ever watched it once, but I found the title interesting. Basically, it meant that the criminals who once wore black every day were now wearing orange every day in prison. So, for them, orange became their new normal.

When I first started learning, and then blogging, about coaching the word “Ownership” was a regular topic and tag.

Agency is the new Ownership. 

Agency means we have choices.

• We can advocate for ourselves in certain situations.
• We can choose our perspective.
• We can remove ourselves from harmful places.
• We can work toward our preferred future.
• We can grow spiritual and process our thoughts and feelings in healthy ways.

Agency...

In case you missed the memo I recently completed the first draft of a dating book I have been working on for about ten years! Before Bridges Coaching I worked at a Bible College as a dean and learned lots of things about how to - and how not to- date well!

I started the book in that era and then launched Bridges coaching so the book was put on the back burner for a while, then we had a surprise chapter and moved to PA where we both work at a wonderful church and Bridges became what I did on the side, so the book was my side side - if there is such a thing. 

So here's the perspective-shifting thought.

My husband, Eric, was talking about my completing the draft and he said "Actually, I'm glad it took you this long. You have been really good with having boundaries about how much you work. What if you had pushed yourself to get it done sooner and that really cost our family or our marriage?"

WOW!

He was right!

I felt immediate relief for all the guilt I had felt with...

[Tips and tools]

I'm an "N" in the MyersBriggs personality profile. One thing that means is that tactical things are not my best game. I guess you could say an absent-minded professor profile kind of fits when it comes to certain things. If I'm not focused the milk can be put away in the cupboard, or I may burn my hands getting things out of the oven.

I once had to have Eric turn around on the way to work because I forgot to wear shoes...

So, when it comes to remembering things that are tactical it can be tricky for people like me. It's not enough to want to add a new habit. I have to really think it through. (But then again, maybe all people are like that? I'd love to hear your thoughts.)

Habit stacking isn't new for me, but I didn't know what to call it till I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. This is a great read for anyone with a growth mindset. If you want to add something new to your life, you will need to change some things and this pathway can help.

This first...

What is Coaching? 

I get asked that a lot.

Maybe you've asked that as well, or you get asked that. 

In the Coaching Culture certification course, we actually have a project where trainees have to give an elevator speech with their version of the answer. (An elevator speech is having an answer you can share with someone in the time it takes for an elevator ride.)

The ICC, International Coaching Community, website puts it succinctly like this: 

Coaching has been defined in many ways. The essence of coaching is:

• To help a person change in the way they wish and help them go in the direction they want to go.
• Coaching supports a person at every level in becoming who they want to be.
• Coaching builds awareness empowers choice and leads to change.

There are plenty of other leadership or caregiving models that are not coaching - like teaching, mentoring, consulting, and counseling. And they each have their place in a person's life.

Christian coaching uses a Biblical model of...

In Bridges Coaching one of the foundational tools we use is called the Always Circle. It is built on these three statements:

- There is always going to be stuff.

- God always offers a plan.

- We always make choices.

See the three "always" in there. Hence the name, Always Circle.

One of the reasons we are intrigued by Escape Rooms is that we know there is a solution and we want to see if we can figure it out. 

Coaching can be like that - if we believe in God.

We have some sort of "stuff". We need to make a decision, or we need a pathway to move forward. We want healing. We're looking for connection. There is something in our life that requires attention and we are hoping for resolution.

In an Escape Room setting, we know that there IS a way out. Others have gone before us. the quest is to figure it out in a certain amount of time and "escape" from the room.

In a Coaching conversation, the parameters are similar. Let's take a look at the parts of the Always Circle...

Coaching isn't for everyone all the time, but it likely is the most underused tool in the adult learning process.

Let's start with a couple of quick definitions.

Telling is when one person has information the other needs and they pass it on. This is needed when the passer of information has knowledge or experience that is essential for the situation at hand.

Coaching has at least two definitions. The core of the word means to get from one place to another, like a stagecoach. Sports Coaches offer pathways to success by having their team execute a plan. Life Coaching is different. 

Coaching is a conversational tool that empowers adult learning. It facilitates "Aha" moments of self-discovery. It uses questions and conversations to help people move from one place to another. Christian coaching acknowledges the Holy Spirit is always guiding people toward what God has uniquely for them.

Ever wish the people around you would "get it" and move forward.

Ever wish you could...

Coaching isn’t for everyone. There are at least three scenarios, or people groups, where coaching would not be a good fit. 

#1) Ignorance or Immaturity

When someone is new to faith or unlearned in their faith walk it could be unkind to ask them questions beyond what they know or to leave them bumbling around when they simply need teaching.

People grow from discipling and teaching. They need help to know what quiet time looks like or how to study the Bible. They need to learn how kingdom ways are upside down from worldly ways. Selflessness does not come naturally to most. 

Yet – even in the midst of these scenarios how a person walks out their response is best found in coaching questions.

What a healthy quiet time looks like is different from one person to the next, even how best to read the Bible has multiple quality options. Relating in right ways to others could mean patience or honest confrontation.

Teaching shares good options. Coaching helps people discern...

I may regret this, but hey ~ it's Christmas!

I just decorated early. I think because I want some sort of do-over for last year... I want to celebrate fully and connect deeply and I want to GIFT MEANINGFULLY!

So, here's the offer.

Check out our Bridges Product page for your Gift List OR your Wish List.

Use the code MEANINGFULGIFT for all our products* for 15% off till Dec 1!

That includes everything from our video workshops all the way up to our certification courses! We haven't had a deal like this EVER!

It's worth the click to check it out and remember, use the code MEANINGFULGIFT for the discount. 

Have fun shopping! (and if you purchase a gift remember to use the contact info for the person you are gifting to!)

Thankful for each of you and ready to celebrate!

Cindy

*Books from Amazon excluded (I couldn't figure out how to make a coupon for that - they are fairly inexpensive anyway...)