Shawn Asked - I Answered [6 distinct items to look for in good coach training!]
Shawn's email was an honest inquiry about coach training. He wondered what he should be looking for in coach training and asked if I could chat. So we did.
I reviewed the coach training organization he was interested in and noted a few things he should ask. If you are considering coach training, you should ask these questions, too!
1- How many certifications, programs, or tracks do you need to take in order to actually coach people?
This was a problem for me when I took my initial coach training. I'd finish one certification and they would hold out the next as a "must-do" before coaching. After your first coach training with Bridges, you will be fully prepared to offer an actual coaching session.
2- Will all your training be with a facilitator, or are you ever left on your own?
Many coach training orgs have you "practice" coaching with a peer or fellow trainee. If your sessions are not observed or supervised this can actually be a harmful way to learn as you could be practicing po...
3 Instances When Coaching Is NOT The Best Option
Surprised?
It's true. Sometimes coaching is not the best option.
Of course, I'm a big fan, and coaching is likely best more often than we all use it, but there are times when it is not the best or right tool to use.
1- When someone needs to be taught something.
Recently one of our Next Level Coach trainees was talking about how his coachee didn't know what a SMART goal was. (If you are not sure check out our blog Demystifying SMART goals.) It's hard to help a client set a good goal when they are not sure of the parameters. In this case, it would be appropriate to "take off your coach's hat" for a time, give a brief explanation, and then ask clarifying questions that would help someone make a SMART goal.
Or maybe the teaching would be more in the form of a story. Many people deal with lies or limiting beliefs that hold them back from moving forward in all God has for them. In fact, I would go so far as to say most people deal with these. If someone is unclear on this concept, it...
Counseling OR Coaching? How do you know which one is right for you?
Wherever you are in life - God wants to meet you there and walk with you toward your next!
He is always for us, He is nearer than we realize and He has good plans for how to move forward no matter what we are facing.
You may be in a season of transition - many of us are these days.
Or maybe you have had that one thing on your mind for a long time, maybe so long it only whispers to you now.
Can I just encourage you? DON'T STAY STUCK!
If you are not moving forward let it be because you believe God wants you to wait on something, or because you feel He has led you to a season of active rest.
But don't let it be because you are stuck or you have given up.
I've seen both Coaching and Counseling work for various end goals, but in general, the focus of Counseling is the past and the direction of coaching is the future.
The question usually comes down to the issue at hand. What are you facing right now?
Is there something you want to accomplish? A dream you have been meani...
6 Clarifying Questions to Discern Timing
Ever wonder "When"? Or maybe you are stuck on "If"?
Is now the time? Should it wait? Should it happen at all?
Here are 6 clarifying questions you can use for yourself or to help someone else discern timing!
1) What would a "yes" give you?
If you said yes to this option, how would it benefit you in the end?
What is the value add you are hoping for? Is moving forward worth it?
Sometimes you can tell a lot by exploring the gain you would receive. If you find yourself explaining how good this could be, maybe that is a sign.
2) How would a "no" or "not right now" feel?
Is this something you would want to put off, or something you have been putting off?
Do you feel relief when you think of not doing it now, or not doing it ever, or do you feel convicted that it is something you simply need to do?
If there is a sense of sadness, or of missing out, when you think of not doing it at all, that could also be the telltale sign you need that you should explore this option sooner t...
But Isn't Detachment Kind Of Mean? Benevolent Detachment #4 of 5
Ever heard of "Failure to Launch"? It's a counseling term that describes a parent/child relationship where a child remains dependent on their parent into their adult years.
They may or may not still live at home, but they depend on their parents for emotional support or financial aid, or they expect their parents to validate their situation. They believe they can't be expected to move forward because of their extenuating circumstances.
Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are actually extenuating circumstances at times, but for the most part, there is something amiss in the expectations. Let me explain.
When someone feels the need to help someone else out by taking care of things for them when they are actually capable of caring for themselves, that is actually mean. It's infantizing. The result is that the person being "helped" doesn't grow up. Doesn't learn to do things for themselves. To adult.
It seems obvious when you look at it in certain ways:
- We would never carry a...
3 Ways to Deal with Reluctant/Resistant People
"It doesn't work like that...."
"I can't."
"Maybe you just don't understand."
Ever have "that" conversation? You know, the one where the other person has pre-decided there is no way out of the situation they are in, where the circumstances they are dealing with are unique and insurmountable.
I've been there dozens of times. (And TBH I've been that person dozens of times as well.)
They get fixated on their "thing" and that's all they can talk about. Every conversation is about the symptoms of the "thing", how it is overwhelming and how they are stuck and there is no way out. It's disheartening for them AND for everyone around them.
It's like they want "it" to go away, but they feel there is nothing that can be done.
There are 3 ways to deal with someone who is reluctant to see hope and resistant to change. (Two of them are common but ineffective.)
1. Avoidance.
This option may happen intentionally or unintentionally. You see them coming down the hall at church, or you see their...
So What’s The Deal With “Agency”?
“Agency” is the new buzzword we keep hearing in podcasts and even recently published books, but what does it really mean?
Here are some thoughts on agency, where it comes from, and what makes it so very valuable in our personal lives!
Ever hear of the series “Orange is the new black”? I don’t think I ever watched it once, but I found the title interesting. Basically, it meant that the criminals who once wore black every day were now wearing orange every day in prison. So, for them, orange became their new normal.
When I first started learning, and then blogging, about coaching the word “Ownership” was a regular topic and tag.
Agency is the new Ownership.
Agency means we have choices.
- We can advocate for ourselves in certain situations.
- We can choose our perspective.
- We can remove ourselves from harmful places.
- We can work toward our preferred future.
- We can grow spiritual and process our thoughts and feelings in healthy ways.
Agency means we have free will.
Where did t...
What If There Is An Angle You Aren't Clearly Seeing? (How Eric's Question Changed My Perspective)
In case you missed the memo I recently completed the first draft of a dating book I have been working on for about ten years! Before Bridges Coaching I worked at a Bible College as a dean and learned lots of things about how to - and how not to- date well!
I started the book in that era and then launched Bridges coaching so the book was put on the back burner for a while, then we had a surprise chapter and moved to PA where we both work at a wonderful church and Bridges became what I did on the side, so the book was my side side - if there is such a thing.
So here's the perspective-shifting thought.
My husband, Eric, was talking about my completing the draft and he said "Actually, I'm glad it took you this long. You have been really good with having boundaries about how much you work. What if you had pushed yourself to get it done sooner and that really cost our family or our marriage?"
WOW!
He was right!
I felt immediate relief for all the guilt I had felt with the draft taking...
How To Leverage Habit Stacking (and a couple other pro-tips from James Clear)
[Tips and tools]
I'm an "N" in the MyersBriggs personality profile. One thing that means is that tactical things are not my best game. I guess you could say an absent-minded professor profile kind of fits when it comes to certain things. If I'm not focused the milk can be put away in the cupboard, or I may burn my hands getting things out of the oven.
I once had to have Eric turn around on the way to work because I forgot to wear shoes...
So, when it comes to remembering things that are tactical it can be tricky for people like me. It's not enough to want to add a new habit. I have to really think it through. (But then again, maybe all people are like that? I'd love to hear your thoughts.)
Habit stacking isn't new for me, but I didn't know what to call it till I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. This is a great read for anyone with a growth mindset. If you want to add something new to your life, you will need to change some things and this pathway can help.
This first happened fo...
Imposter Syndrome: Two Myths & A Lie About Coaching
What is Coaching?
I get asked that a lot.
Maybe you've asked that as well, or you get asked that.
In the Coaching Culture certification course, we actually have a project where trainees have to give an elevator speech with their version of the answer. (An elevator speech is having an answer you can share with someone in the time it takes for an elevator ride.)
The ICC, International Coaching Community, website puts it succinctly like this:
Coaching has been defined in many ways. The essence of coaching is:
- To help a person change in the way they wish and help them go in the direction they want to go.
- Coaching supports a person at every level in becoming who they want to be.
- Coaching builds awareness empowers choice and leads to change.
There are plenty of other leadership or caregiving models that are not coaching - like teaching, mentoring, consulting, and counseling. And they each have their place in a person's life.
Christian coaching uses a Biblical model of conver...