Honest Ownership May The Most Important, and Most Neglected, Step
So, you've named your thing. You have decided on a goal, or named an obstacle you want to remove. Congrats!
The good news is that you can't move toward something till you name it, so good on ya! Yay!
But wait, there's more. Let me explain.
I can't tell you how often I have identified (named) a goal or an obstacle and felt strongly about it, only to see it fall by the wayside without a healthy assessment and then a plan for forward movement.
Here are a few examples from my life or others:
- That's it, no more sugar for me until I lose X pounds. What's wrong with me that I can't control myself?
- I see now that I keep thinking I am not enough, this pattern of thinking has cost me too much sideways energy. I can't keep facing life through this lens.
- Okay, I know God wants me to make that move! (or do that project, or start or finish that thing) This is going to be great!
- Here's the thing, this angst won't change until I talk to that person. I just need to do it.
Often there is...
Why "Naming" Is SO Valuable
Ever have a certain feeling that just isn't right, but you can't put your finger on it?
Or in another arena, you just can't decide which option to choose?
That vague grey cloud can be confusing at best but also can be debilitating if it keeps you stuck waiting for resolution somehow.
Let's explore a little more. Sometimes I have a feeling of discord in my soul. I'm not sure if it is something I did or didn't do right, or something someone said or did to me. I just know there is a disturbance and something just isn't right. Maybe I am just overtired, or angsty about something, and all I know for sure is that something is "off".
Or maybe I am thinking about the future and there are so many options I feel paralyzed so I just don't think about it. Then, one day, it is months or even years later and I realize I put that area of my life on a shelf somewhere and decided by default not to pursue "it".
The "it" could be so many different things: a house project, vacation plans, an educati...
6 Reasons NOT To Consider Coach Training
Humor me for this blog? [Warning: it's tongue-in-cheek.]
Here are 6 reasons you should NOT learn more about the coaching paradigm.
1) You are helping people move forward on their own already. When they come to you, you always know what they should do and you just tell them. (If only they would listen.)
2) You have plenty of time to listen to people's stuff. In fact, you enjoy hearing the same things from people over and over.
3) You love being the "go-to" person. When people need you to make plans for how they should move forward it makes you feel great! Plus, you probably know better than them what they should do with their lives anyway right?
4) You are more educated than they are. It goes without saying that whoever has the most education knows best what should happen next.
5) You are more experienced. They can learn from their own mistakes, or you can tell them how things went for you.
6) You feel responsible for their well-being. You want to make things better for the peopl...
It's Not Just About Action Steps (but coaching helps with those too)
Good Coaching is about much more than simply achieving SMART goals by making successful Action Steps. It's about transformation.
In this final blog trending with StoryBrand, let's dig into the concept of taking someone from their natural self to their supernatural self. Donald Miller uses the word "transformation". For us that could mean taking someone from feeling stuck to forward movement, or from being lost to having focus.
Helping people to recognize the mindsets that have held them back can change everything! (Watch for an upcoming series on coaching each enneagram number!)
If we can "see" what has been holding us back we can begin to remove that mental obstacle and move forward. And likely, whatever has been holding us back has affected more than just the one area of our lives. Freedom affects every area of our life.
Let me give a personal, and kind of vulnerable, example.
Each of us has an internal DNA just like we have an external one. Our external DNA gives us our hair ...
What's The Problem?
Step 2 in the StoryBrand framework is "who has a problem".
Last time we talked about who the character is, the person being coached, and this time we are delving into the focus - what is the problem?
Having a focus is a valuable way a coaching conversation differs from other types of conversations. Normally, when talking with a friend we wander all over the place. It's kind of like a Sunday drive, the point is not to get somewhere, it is simply to spend time with each other. Nothing wrong with a Sunday drive, unless you ARE trying to get somewhere.
Choosing a focus is foundational for any good coaching conversation. We are not going to talk about all kinds of goals we are going to clarify a specific goal early on in the conversation and then make sure we are focusing on what the person being coached wants and needs.
The conversation is kind of like an Uber driver and the person being coached is the one who decides where the conversation is supposed to go.
Coach training gives yo...
Who Is The Story About? (Hint: Jesus flipped this all around!!)
We all do it. We make the story about us. It's human nature for us to think of our part and forward how awesome it is.
In marketing, it is common for the product or service to be the main character in the sale. We hear things like, "Our _________ will be the answer", or "We have the best __________". (I've done this before comparing our coach training to others...)
StoryBrand teaches that the person being coached needs to be the main character. When a brand offers to help you be a better you, to serve you in some kind of way, you are much more likely to buy in rather than when they tell you how amazing they are. If something, or someone, truly wants to serve us, it is so different!
Sound familiar? Kingdom culture is like this!
Jesus said He came into this world "not to be served, but to serve". Honestly, this makes me kind of sad. He deserved/s to be served!!
Good coaching is about serving! It's not about coming in to save the day with the coach being the "hero". It's about provi...
What Does Success Look Like To You?
If you take Coach Training with Bridges you will learn about Active Listening and Asking Powerful Questions. We'll talk through defining someone's focus and teach you how to assist with making SMART goals- quality action steps, but we hope that the BIGGEST TAKEAWAY for all our trainees is our definition of success. Put simply:
Success is an active relationship with God.
Completing an accomplishment is great. Good Coaching certainly helps people with forward movement, but as believers achieving goals cannot be our primary motivation. Our worth is not in whether or not we get "there" or get "that" done in our lifetime, our worth comes from our adoption into the family of God. It comes from our connection with a settled place with our Father in eternity.
At Bridges Coaching when an action step does not result in the desired outcome we say, "'Failure' is good research." But true "failure" is not having a soul connection with God. His Spirit is in us longing for connection.
When we pr...
Who Offers Them A Plan... GOOD NEWS! (and hard news...)
Wouldn't you just love it if you could see someone who would just tell you what to do when you were in a jam? If they were sage and savvy and could come through every time it would be well worth the investment.
GOOD NEWS! (and hard news...)
Here's the skinny. We DO have Someone we can go to for the plan! Our plan! Our personal best next steps!
The Holy Spirit IS our Guide! The coaching conversation helps us discern the plan God has for us. Proverbs 4:11 says, "I am guiding you in the way of wisdom, and I am leading you on the right path."
Experience tells us it is not that easy though. So the good news is we DO have a Divine Guide, the hard news is we have to grow in learning how to discern. I don't know about you, but I swing that pendulum back and forth. Sometimes I am so sure that what I am sensing is the plan turns out not to work out. Does that mean I missed it? Or was it just a test? Other times I am paralyzed with concern or fear, or the cost seems too high and the decision ...
Who Meets A Guide (who understands their fear)
Let's review our first steps in comparing StoryBrand marketing and Coaching.
First, we talked about how the conversation needs to be about the person being coached. They are the main character in the story we are writing together.
Next, we talked about the problem. One of the big differences between a coaching conversation and just "friending" is that we are purposefully focusing on a chosen outcome that the person being coached wants to focus on!
Next up is today's focus: who meets a guide who understands their fear.
Here are some of the fears that good coaching helps people recognize:
- feeling stuck with no way out
- not knowing what to do, or even if there is anything that can be done
- feeling abandoned by God and others
- questioning if there is even hope for the future
In Bridges coaching, we talk about the Always Circle and associated lies. There's ALWAYS going to be stuff. God ALWAYS offers a plan. We ALWAYS make choices. Uncovering the associated lies is like realizing ...
Donald Miller, StoryBrand & Coaching
Donald Miller first came on the national scene as the author of Blue Like Jazz. A movie was recently made of the book so you can catch that if you like, it's sad and may make some angry, but it's his story and was part of his journey to becoming a thought leader in explaining and understanding how people make decisions.
Today, Miller leads a marketing company called StoryBrand. He builds a premise for forwarding products that takes a refreshingly different, and surprisingly kingdom-minded, approach.
We'll be taking a look at how the StoryBrand approach is in many ways similar to a good coaching session.
In essence, Coaching is helping someone write the story they want to live.
What's your story? Are you who you want to be?
How about those around you? Those who look to you? Are you helping them write their stories?
Here's a quick overview of StoryBrand. (I found this on google, so I think it is okay to share it, but want to include a plug for the book by the same name, truly som...