Takeaways from "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier
[Book Review]
In his book The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier promotes a path to "Say Less, Ask More and Change the way you lead forever" in 10 minutes with 7 questions!
Pretty bold offer! Let's dig in, but first a couple of important definitions.
Coaching = getting from one place to another.
- solving problems
- reaching goals
- resolving interpersonal issues
A Coaching conversation, therefore, finds a way to get from here to there.
True coaching is not:
- Consulting – giving you my expert advice
- Mentoring – showing you what works for me
- Counseling – diagnosing what is wrong and prescribing what is right
Instead, coaching draws from the other person what is within them. It asks questions and creates confident forward-moving problem-solvers rather than dependent, stuck, blame shifters.
Sound good?
No more: “Just tell me what to do?” or “If only… then…” rather it is a partnering, releasing, cheering-on way of relating that in the end will be more productive and respectful!
So how do you do it?
Here's 7 question pathway that Stanier says can take as little as 10 minutes.
One question at a time:
The Kickstart Question: What’s on your mind?
This question opens the door to relational connection, shows you care, and assists the person by offering a place to verbalize what is happening.
The AWE Question: And what else?
This one goes even deeper. It says, “I really care about you and have time to care about what is going on in your corner.”
The Focus Question: What is the real challenge here?
This is the drill deeper question. It allows the person to name the core issue that needs to be focused on. This question clarifies the real problem, not just the first problem. It asks about the disease rather than focusing on symptoms.
The Foundation Question: What do you want?
This forward-thinking question shifts the focus from looking at what is not working to identifying what the Win will be in this situation – in essence, what would the resolution look like.
This question also brings clarity to the end goal so efforts are focused on a common goal.
The Lazy Question: How can I help?
This question clarifies the actual request which then can be answered clearly with an offer or clarity on what you can or cannot do for them.
The Strategic Question: If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?
Here’s where the rubber starts meeting the road and practical action steps can be built.
The Learning Question: What was most useful for you?
This rare question brings recognition to the process. It is usually answered with some sort of identification of a helpful tool.
Let’s walk through all 7 questions in a quick scenario.
- The Kickstart Question: What’s on your mind?
Me: Hey Pete – [How you doing?] What’s on your mind?
Pete: Wow, I just have so much on my plate. I’m not sure I can get it all done in time.
- The AWE Question: And what else?
Me: [Anything else?]
Pete: Well, my car broke down and it’s all just a lot right now.
- The Focus Question: What is the real challenge here?
Me: What’s the real challenge? [What’s at the core of this all?]
Pete: Well, I can’t seem to find a way to get it all in my schedule.
- The Foundation Question: What do you want?
Me: [What do you want this season to look like?]
Pete: Well, I’d love to feel more on top of things.
- The Lazy Question: How can I help?
Me: [Is there anything I can do to help you get there?]
Pete: Not really, I just need to get all this stuff down in a list and then put it in my calendar.*
- The Strategic Question: If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?
Me: [What do you need to do in order for that to happen?]
Pete: I just need to set aside some time and focus. Maybe I need to close my door or do it somewhere else where I won’t be disturbed.
- The Learning Question: What was most useful for you?
Me: [Was this chat helpful?]
Pete: Yeah, actually I have a plan I can use now.
If instead you just tell someone what do to, or give them an answer there are two options: You are either right or you are wrong and either way is a lose for you!
If you answer someone and your answer is right - you have taught them that the pathway to solving problems is to come to you. If you answer them wrong there are worse consequences not the least of which is that you will get to take the blame.
The art of coaching well is well worth the investment. It will raise up leaders around you!
So instead of capping the potential of your org to your wisdom, or your available time, or your education or creativity, you can collaborate and work with the people around you, inviting them to become more involved in their own future and your collaborative future – the future of your company or organization.
If your people have to lean on you for answers, their progress is limited to your availability, your resources, your knowledge.
What if…you hit the ball back and empowered them to move forward and lean in to possibilities and learn from outcomes.
"Answers are closed doors and questions are open doors that invite us in." Nancy Willard.
Bridges Life Coach Certification Cohorts are forming now!
(a little disclaimer - this is a secular book and occasionally includes unbecoming language)
One more thought - we use this book as a text for our annual Next Level Coach training course, open only to alumni. Reply if you are interested.