10 Coaching Questions for Enneagram 2's
Can helping ever hurt?
According to the Enneagram Insitute, Enneagram Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.
We have named personality type Two The Helper because people of this type are either the most genuinely helpful to other people or, when they are less healthy they are the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful. Being generous and going out of their way for others makes Twos feel that theirs is the richest, most meaningful way to live. The love and concern they feel—and the genuine good they do—warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile. Twos are most interested in what they feel to be the “really, really good” things in life—love, closeness, sharing, family, and friendship.
(*Definitions are from The Enneagram Institute. You can take a free enneagram test here if you are interested.)
Enneagram 2's just want to help! I mean it was Jesus who said, "If a person asks you for something, give it to him. Don’t refuse to give to someone who wants to borrow from you." Matthew 5:42(NCV) Right?
Here's the thing for 2's. It can be hard for them not to meet every need they see. In fact, I have seen 2's go out of their way to find someone to help on a "slow day". They love to help out, but if they push it too far sometimes they find their worth and value in helping when the person being helped may not benefit in the long run.
Here are some questions 2"s can benefit from and why.
1) What is the motivation for helping? If it is simply because there is a need, that may not be enough. Jesus saw plenty of need before He was 30 and yet He waited until He was released by His Father, our Father, to move forward in ministry. The motivation needs to be a prompting.
2) Could helping hurt? Galatians 6 has some interesting thoughts for 2's. Verse 5 says, "for each one should carry their own load." but Verse 10 says, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.". Let's unpack verse 5 first. If we carry the load FOR someone who needs to carry their own load we could potentially be inhibiting their opportunity to grow to be a mature adult in some way. 2's need to be careful to consider the implications of their actions and not simply use verse 10 as a filter for their decisions. (We go into this more in the CARE model in Coach Training.)
This concept leads us to:
3) What could assisting in this area cost the other person? Could rescuing them lead to more and more rescuing or even enabling?
4) Who could you run your idea by? Having people in your life who won't say "yes" to everything you propose can be infinitely helpful for you and for the people you want to serve.
5) Can you do it on your own? Some 2's pull others into what they see as needs and assume everyone around them is motivated to serve as they are. If what you are considering needs more input than you can give on your own, be sure to ask others and not simply assume they would love to get involved
6) What will it cost you? Will you need to postpone something else you were going to do? Do you have the funds to give without tapping into what you need to care for your own family?
7) Will it cost others? Not only will it cost others their time, but will it cost your time away from them?
8) Are you seeing this need because God wants you to see it? Jesus stepped over hurt, sick, and diseased people at the Pool of Bethsaida to get to the man on the mat to ask him if he wanted to be well. There was no clear reason for Jesus to help that particular man - he did not have faith. He told Jesus he didn't have anyone to put him in the pool, he didn't realize Jesus was a healer, The Father highlighted him because of His plan.
9) Can you give aid as a gift to God? Could you give anonymously without any recognition or anyone else knowing?
10) Do you care more about a person's situation than they do? Perhaps you should release your concern in prayer? Just because you see a need does not mean are supposed to meet it. In fact, you may be stealing an opportunity for someone else to step up.
2's are SO thoughtful and kind! A number of the pastors I work alongside are 2's and their care is so genuine, powerfully exemplifying God's intense care for us!
Knowing your own type and tendencies, as well as those of the person you are coaching, can help you ask empowering questions that lead to those wonderful coaching "Aha" moments!
2's who are coaches may need to be conscious not to care more than the person they are coaching!
To learn more about your personal divine design check out our course Destiny by Design. For more on Coach Training and other Bridges Coaching offerings check out our Bridges Coaching home page.